if only love can be told

from blowing leaves

and autumn-gold wind.

That feeling's starting to creep in

and i'm not entertaining it;

hoping, just hoping that like the wind,

it's just a passing thing.

dinner with singapore in taiwan was lovely.

it was heartening

it was encouraging

i think it was plain awesome.

ah, soon that day will come when

dinner with singapore will be a daily affair.

jeremy said, "safety seminar changed to two o' clock."

i heard it as, "please send some apples to my block."

i guess some things Just don't change

women can parade their underwear in the presence of men.

but men cannot, at least in the eyes of this organisation.

that proves that men can be marginalised too.

BUT i guess we never lose out, OOPS.

urgh, headaches suck.

it's ironic that singapore has a national heritage board that aims to preserve certain iconic structures that represent the national spirit, as well as those which showcase the history of this small republic, AND still allow some of these known buildings to be demolished Just Like That to pave the way for the new up-and-coming mrt track.

does this mean that history, regardless of its richness and antiquity, can and should be erased off the face of the earth if and when it collides with the plans of the future? do we restore only those historical structures which somehow, miraculously, do not fall into the Grand masterplan for the future?

i'm sure, give us just 5 years from the demolition of the 7th Storey Hotel, and we would CLEANLY forget our roots and the history that piece of land once had there. because in the name of making singapore a better place for the Future, we seem to somehow forget our Past.

okay so here are my few cents worth, after reading some local news online:

first. the fourth university. okay, rather education in singapore in general. honestly i think there is definitely space for a fourth university in singapore, now in present terms. i mean it took just a Fraction of the cohort of the '88 dragon babies to make a statement that there is just no space for our children. this still happened despite the fact that there was already an increase in the total number of spaces by the three universities. that's short term. in the long term however, judging from the low birth rates would the birth of a fourth tertiary instituition be justified? well, i may be myopic and don't enjoy having much numerical data at hand, but would and could this pose as a problem? could the fourth university in the long run, prove to be an extra educational instituition.

singapore can take pride in her educational standards. we have topped or at least nearly topped some educational research/ surveys/ studies done at a global scale, and our education models are widely followed in many countries. in the country that i am in right now, there are hundreds of tertiary institutions that even the locals claim them to be just degree mills. amongst them, i have only so far noticed only two universities in the ranking list of some forgotten year. as compared to singapore's two out of three universities making it into the top 100, one even to the top 50, i think it speaks a lot of our standards. so that brought me to my abovementioned point? would the fourth university, on top of the private instituitions And overseas universities- that some organisation has been desperately bidding for them to come and set up campus here- be ultimately just an ordinary top 500 degree mill?

--

that leads me to the article about local employers being concerned about local talent leaving to work abroad. first question: of what proportion are our local graduates intending to work abroad? and secondly: of what proportion are our singaporean graduates studying overseas, leaving the country to work? i think when we break those numbers down, we would get a clearer picture wouldn't we, of not just the reasons but the solutions, if there are any, as well. if the graduates who study overseas stay overseas then it's really not surprising to me that those who majored in finance, business and real estate do just so.

okay, why finance/ business? despite the fact that both the business schools of NTU and NUS are globally reknowned and the up-and-coming one at SMU, the academic requirement for entry into these schools are roughly the same. well at least on paper, or website, it is. 4As and at least a merit in your GP is the BASIC requirement. so one may then argue that it is only necessary to set such high standards for entry to ensure that we attract the top students not just locally but internationally too. but what about the general population? those who didn't get those pristine grades? those who marginally did not make the fianl cut, be it at the interview or the grades? uhhuh, real estate then? from what i know, only NUS offers a degree in real estate and it's a rather small crowd actually. so those who have the interest but don't make it, where do they go? for all three disciplines, you guessed it. they go overseas. why would they not come back to work? question we should be asking is why should they? maybe the jobs there pay more, maybe they completely forgotten what being singaporean is all about (although i hope not, if not there would most definitely be a revision to the social studies subject at secondary school)

--

which leads to me back to the question of education. we definitely don't want a degree mill that compromises on eduational standards. i wonder. it would also be senseless if every child of singapore ends up getting a degree, it would just fuel the sick lust for that coveted paper qualification, but where and when does it end? in my course of choosing a university i've considered some australian universities and what caught my eye was the fact that despite the lower entry requirements, as compared to singapore, these australian universities fared better than our local unis on almost all of the global rankings. of course, some may argue that the rankings are not all that important, they could be flawed as well. but they do give us an indication of some comparison, at least.

so bottomline is, are we flawed in giving our general population an education?

(heyhey, don't get me wrong. i still believe in the education standards of my homeland and what it has done and will continue to provide for this country. and it is only because i believe so much in it, that is why i question what else more can we do, so that others can benefit from it)

a bottle which has drifted far out into the sea

never returns back to his roots with the waves.

no, he leaves behind a legacy; a memory, if ever, remains.

and if that bottle would one day return to that sandy beach,

let him be filled with the salty water he has been in before.

for it would be futile if the owner

picked him up,

found him empty

and then throw him back into the salty waters again.

--

i've looked at life from both sides now

and i realised i've never known life at all.

i've looked at love from some sides now

and i realised i've never known love at all.

nowadays i just think of life, not you.

these days, i don't even bother thinking about love.

they say that when you find love, love doesn't come to you.

when you're desperate, love also doesn't come to you, either.

i guess there are those times when you dream of falling in love and wanting to get attached and all that nonsense, but truth be told i don't want to commit all of that. or at least, if i can help it. there is so much nonsense involved that at the end of it all, are we just acting according to what society wants us to be? and if not, does the society that we leave in today permit singles, or worse, those who havent had a relationship by the age of twenty, to fully participate in societal activities? housing becomes a problem, and i;m sure there are many other problems that accompany the housing one.

falling in love, surprisingly is a modern concept. think about the old times when marriages were arranged and the couple involved don't even know one another till the day of marriage. falling in love before marriage would be an obscure thought, if not an impossible one. and for that matter, if the couple were to fall in love after marriage, that might even be an unlikelihood. so what's with the whole deal about falling in love.

ah. love.

it makes us say the dumbest things.

who knows? i may say all these opposing words today

and be full of praise of it tomorrow.

the funny things of love.

love, the funny thing.

my heartfelt condolences.

"kor kor...."

"什么事？”

- he plays with the child.

"kor kor...."
"什么事？”
- he plays with the child again.

"kor kor...."
"什么事？”
- he plays with the child yet again.

finally,

"kor kor...."

"kor kor 要睡觉啦。"

"kor kor...."

"kor kor 头痛了，不要吵。"

"kor kor...."

"哎哟，都跟你说了不要吵 kor kor 了。”

"kor kor...." .....

"kor kor...." .....

"kor kor...." .....

--

such is the joy of being innocently a child.

what happens in vegas, stays in vegas.

what happened in singapore, stays in singapore;

and more.

it's aptly forgotten.

here are some of the words used during a pre-ippt briefing held

"ippt parcipitants" - it's meant to be par-ti-ci-pants

"masharrers" - it's meant to be mar-sha-llers

and the best....

"testees" - it's meant to refer to those taking the test.

wth.

--

anyway, onto more interesting news abroad. i understand there has been a recent row about the display of nude children's photos in an art exhibition under the context that it is art. since my younger days studying art history and all that nonsense i was taught that art was meant to be a personal thing in the first place. art is meant to inspire, encourage, give hope, and even, anger, disappoint and even raise controversy. however the latter negative impacts are just to give effect to the former positive ones. they are not meant to remain as a source of anger or controversy. so with this in mind, has the artist crossed the line of censorship and art? years ago, the distinction between high art and low art was blurred with the incoming of movements such as the dada period and surrealism. with this furore is there going to be another blur in motion? or is this just downright immoral. then again, maybe this IS the purpose of the art at hand- to create a whooha.

ah. i love art. it's just so personal. you can never fully understand it, let alone study it in detail. because there is absolutely no way one can ever comprehend fully the significance of the art piece to the artist who conceptualised it. i love art.

i believe musicians and choristers would agree with me on this too. we're just a different breed of people as compared to those who play with their rackets or worse, ball.

OOPS.

people come people go,

but life still needs to go on.

those were definitely memorable times

and i'm sure there will be even more to come.

thank you my dearest friends

for the memories, encouragement and love.

so now here i am

four months away from home

and life needs to go on.

go catch American Pastime, a 2007 film.

a film of the war that america fought in europe and how the japanese-americans fought alongside their native caucasian counterparts even to the point of saving them and how despite all that they've done out of the states, there is still much discrimination back at home. maybe it's something that we as asians can understand. then again, maybe it's something i cannot understand fully considering that i'm chinese, the dominant race in singapore. but i still think it's a relatively good movie because there are so many issues close to the heart- an interracial love relationship, dignity for your race and pride for your country. possibly the first film i watched that made me see clearly how the military affects and changes the lives of societies and families. while there may be too many issues that are being highlighted and how they are not properly well-linked, it's still a relatively should-watch movie. having said that however, those negative points did not cause confusion but rather if they were done well, it would have made this film way better. but as i said, you should watch this movie. it's a personal favourite though.

you'll like it especially if you like jazz

or baseball.

do you dream of becoming rich and famous and your name becoming a household brand? wait, let me change that. do you STILL dream of becoming all of that?

--

just a few hours ago i watched the latest episode of the idol-series equivalent local singing reality show and to my surprise, which i will explain later why, there were two singaporeans in the top 10. now question is why? well, i heard either one of them or both took part in a similar competition back in singapore and guess what, they didn't make the cut. thing is in the mandarin music industry taiwan is a monster and for them to make it this far in this competition deserves way more than a pat on their backs. so, is the singapore music industry moving the right direction? of course we can say that a local show like this should appeal to the local masses but i believe that any producer would understand that ultimately for the winner-singer to make it big, he/she has got to move out of singapore and into the world. i mean the local results of such contests haven't made it anything big. let's not consider the world, they haven't even taken a foothold of the music industry in Singapore. are we moving in the right direction?

--

these reality series- the american idol finals of which i have stopped watching completely because there are way too many "idols" already who hardly make it past their second album, and the other 2 local singing contests here- made me think. you know how as small kids, i mean teenagers, we used to dream of being rich and famous and earning lots of money and spending even more money and living in houses which are insanely huge and then have a million ferraris and to top that up half a million lexus and more bmws and mercedes and having a harem of girls all around you and full access to the casinos all around the world and flying first class everytime even when you travel from singapore to sentosa and having luxury designer items and fur coats and... all this nonsense. i realised that it is so much easier for the lame man on the street to get rich and famous all at the same time. go for competitions like that, even if you don't make the cut, act stupid and have your name all over youtube or some tabloid. people of long ago made it this far just because they had what it took to get them here today. is it right for me to say that competitions like these make a mockery of the ardous starting journeys of yesteryears' singers?

do i still wish to be rich and famous?

i think reality kicked in.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Rom 15:5-6)

i must mention, when doing my quiet time last night i stumbled upon this beautiful verse that immediately upon reading i felt a gentle stir in my heart, and my kids came into my head. gosh i miss those kids. there are so many things going on in my head whenever i think of them. so many memories- good ones, of course; but yet there is much apprehension when it comes to the part when i have to ultimately return back home. whether or not i will be able to handle the change would be another issue. i mean i've changed, or at least i think i have- well slightly i suppose in the sense that the change is inevitable due to the commual living here, and Obviously they've changed too. in fact, if they haven't that would really be a source of worry. but yes, there is so much for us to hope for and soon enough i find myself reading the following verse.

"May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may OVERFLOW WITH HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Rom 15:13)

a beautiful thing the Bible is.

it feels good to be able to live the experience of breaking the rules blatently and still get away with it, easily.

--

as for the trip, there are some things i want to talk about but am unable to. why? if not i would not be able to get away with it then, period.

just when the top echelon of the base are at a meeting, i figured why not use the time to surf the net instead of roaming the streets. so guess what, here i am in starbucks sipping my morning cup of coffee and a lovely cinnamon roll half eaten, i'm surfing the net too. all at a cost of below 300NT. well, the internet cost a hundred BUT it is valid for 24hours irregardless of when you use it ie, you can surf for 5 mins then disconnect and then surf another 5 mins and the total time calculated is 10 minutes. you get the concept right? hm. but liangi said this is the life. is it?

.

or am i not the usual singaporean anymore?

i think i have gone completely insane or at least i think i am going completely insane. having said that it also means that i am already somewhat insane. wait, insane is not the word. deluded possibly? i was reading the taipei times this morning, and just fyi thing, it is thankfully in english- that piece of information is for those of you out there who have been desperately praying for me not to come back from taiwan as some chinese-speaking machine because that *points to the abovementioned fact* just proved i am not and will never be. okay, as i was saying, the taipei times. there was this really interesting article- two to be more exact which caught my eye. one was a local letter to the editor regarding the poor education system here in taiwan, about how low-quality universities should be disbanded and how the universities here have now turned into mediocre degree-churning mills; and the other was a foreign article from some english publication that was about the income disparity of this generation and their preceding one in europe. now, you might be wondering why in the HUGE world would these two articles catch my eye? well, in a nutshell- i'm after all going to be a sociology grad. does that answer the question, i think it just succintly did.

why do i think i'm going insane? do you consider researching now for a sociology masters even before i start university proper insane? a friend once asked me how ambitious i think i am and my answer was i have dreams and aspirations and i suppose i would do all i can to get them all. much like ash ketchum, however you spell that in pokemon. i have no idea why i just added that, but hey this blog's meant to be all about spontaneous thinking and self-filtered language; you get the link don't you? so anyway, am i going insane? i think i just need sleep. seriously, five hours of rest, waking up at 5 just to spend the next hour or so in a vehicle to taipei, walking around aimlessly in taipei afterwards which is also when i read the articles, and then finally enduring the next leg of the journey back to camp for the next hour, is really no big joke. of course it's not. you're not laughing. i am most definitely not. the bed longs for me but i cannot yield to her desire, for if i do, i know i will definitely not survive the next same journey as today tomorrow.

now, you decide if i am going insane or already am.

mm. sov is over and i damned missed it.

i really hate this feeling,

especially after watching sister act 2 and all that choir jazz.

a lot of memories fill the head now

and what the hell, this feeling just sucks.

i want to sing.

i want choir.

and i want it NOW.

yesterday marked the end of yet another frame and also the last of its kind for me till i return back to singapore for good. there was nostalgia and at the same time gratefulness as i walked them into the plane, taking in a whaff of the plane whilst in there- something i haven't done since i returned back to taiwan in january.

nostalgia because this is my last frame with these bunch of people. that is to say, the next time they're here i'll be gone. there ain't going to be another chance of working with them and doing all that kind of nonsense all over again. then again, i might not even meet them ever again. but somehow, just somehow i do wish our paths would cross one day. the fact that singapore is so tiny already do help in this aspect and do wish it would. just a simple hello from across the street or a g'day on the sidewalks of orchard road would definitely jolt back many memories. of course, maybe i would have another entry on that ten years from now when i meet any one of them randomly with their kids and wife walking down the beach. hmm, i look forward to meeting them again.

gratefulness because when i look back, this is the second of such a frame since i arrived and also the last till i return, much have changed. things here in this place has changed- people, systems of work, management, lots of things. but there is one thing that hasn't and that's God's sustanence and daily providence. this experience, though it's not yet over, has already been more than enriching and fulfilling. it's fast becoming a watershed in my life. or should i say, i am living this watershed right now, enjoying it to the fullest at the moment. and seeing that bunch of people leave was kinda sad but as like all the other frames i have sent off at the gates of taoyuan international airport, they never fail to remind me of the first time i sent a frame home. they never fail to remind me the road i have taken so far to get to where i am today. they never failed me. God never failed me.

and it's high time i start to not fail God in my life.

thank you, God.

i havent been going to the gym lately. that must have resulted in some mass gone and obviously some muscles with it too. i need to go back to the gym real soon. i have to.

--

i find myself obliged to blog after realising that i havent done so for the past seven days. question is, is there really a need to blog? what is "blog"? undoubtedly it is a word which modernity has invented to meet our linguistic needs to do what, pen our thoughts? but what do you categorise it in the first place - a noun or a verb? if so, can you blog in a blog? that sounds odd does it, but perfectly alright?

and why do people blog in the first place? why do some choose to place their daily schedules- some mundane, others with a tad more spice in it- up on a public arena for the world to have a chance to only criticise it? then again on the flipside the world could very much adore you and your life, or at least what's been put down in words. other blogging sites allow fellow users, even annonymous ones, to post comments to entries; some are even allowed to rate the entry, to give it a thumbs up or down. now why do people do all that / why do some people take blogging to be a form of emotional release, or, in other times and situations, a form of typing out your thoughts as it passes through your mind? are there no other ways to do these things but only through technology? have we been overtaken? oh, don't be mistaken, i'm a fan of technology and globalisation and all that jazz, but has it come to a stage where we have been obliged to "blog", whatever that even means.

strangely enough, i write (this word is used in an odd fashion now isn't it?) this entry in order to keep my blog alive with some words i find new since seven days of my last entry. strangely enough, this entry is about why people blog when i, a "blogger", can't even find a reason of doing so, not even now.

我就这样告别山下的家

我实在不愿轻易让眼泪流下

我以为我并不差 不会害怕

我就这样自己照顾自己长大

我不想因为现实把头低下

我以为我并不差 能学会虚假

怎样才能够看穿面具里的谎话

别让我的真心散的像沙

如果有一天我变得更复杂

还能不能唱出歌声里的那个家

流浪记- 梁文音 / 纪晓君

when in rome, do what the romans do.

when you're an officer, just change what rome does.

maybe the reason why the music industry in singapore is relatively stagnant as compared to the bustling taiwanese music industry or the one in malaysia etc, probably could be simply people don't gel with the locally produced music. i was listening to rainie yang (which took me quite some time to get used to) in the minibus last night and found it rather difficult to appreciate the music. in fact knowing she had a rather big fan base in many asian countries, that made it all the more odd because i couldn't understand why people would love her singing and all that. having parallel thoughts with the One Million Star reality competition here, i soon realised why. it's simply because the industry here is flexible enough to allow different people to recognise with the music. look at the states with their wide range of music genres- classical, rock, punk, pop, even heavy metal, eww. people recognise with these genres, they see themselves as the music is produced. isn't that what music should be all about- allowing people to express themselves through notes and lyrics? linking that to our local music scene, it's sad to note that singapore idol winners are Possibly just another image of another international artiste. people don't connect to their music, and because of that, we failed.

this entry is terribly written. it's all because sushi beckons and i'm going off now. toodles.

SAF is turning 3G right?
so i do believe i make the cut to be a combat engineer.

why?
i play minesweeper all day in office.

this is a toned down version of the actual feelings and emotions bottled inside right now. i'm pissed off. okay, that sounded lame. but yes, i am. i never realised how sickening the bus system is at taoyuan international airport (i wrote the full name of the airport on purpose so people may consider boycotting it and cause the authorities to do something about it, like immediately maybe) until the experience i had today. i sent francis and his friends off at the airport terminal one this evening and started my unexpected long wait at 1745h for a bus to zhongli city. reason why i say unexpected is because the last time i took a bus to zhongli from the airport was after i completed my duties at the airport and that barely took 15mins. so i stood there, back against the wall reading the flight schedules for thai airways and those for the airport. i soon got impatient, i mean frankly just that few pages of useless information could hardly get my mind off the arrival and imminent departure of the bus to zhongli, and started confirming, double-confirming even triple-confirming whether i was waiting at the right area and for the right bus. i would have blown my heads off if i realised i was wrong all the while but come to think of it, i'd rather have had my head blown than wait that agonising while for a bus that i didn't even plan to take in the first place. at 1845h, one hour since i started waiting, a bus that would terminate at taoyuan bus terminal/train station arrived and i decided to board it just in case the driver of the zhongli-bound bus fell asleep at some binglang store. so i took that bus, and got myself to taoyuan city after enduring another 45mins. i took the next train, literally running for it after getting my tickets and helping a couple of indon females to the train to taipei, and soon found my ass in zhongli finally at 2000h. my friend, that took me more than 2hours to get from the airport to a city which was within the same county as the airport; in comparison, it probably would take me less than an hour to get me to taipei city, which is in the neighbouring county, from the airport. urgh, somebody do something about this

i've always been looking forward to the annual singapore arts festival every year and sadly, year after year i've been disappointed time and time again. without a doubt, there has been much changes since the inaugural with the introduction of bringing the arts to a greater portion of the community with an emphasis on the heartlands. this year, it was no different. the opening ceremony will be held in boat quay, and the closing ceremony held at bedok reservoir. both are water themed events so if not for my being in taiwan, i would be really looking forward to the water spectacular event. so i was mentioning about my disappointment, despite all these wonderful changes. the local arts scene in singapore is a bustling one; we boast of world-class orchestras such as our national orchestra and even smaller community ones such as the philharmonic winds; we also have world-class dance groups, and musicians and visual artists and fashion designers and whatelsehavewe. but yet we always tend to forget, we referring to the larger majority of the local population, that we too have a young and bustling arts scene amongst our youths! if our dance scene and music scene is not enough to woo audiences, and for that matter i'm not too sure of their international reputation as well, i'm pretty sure our choral scene is more than 'happening'. when you have a local school choir, aka the Victoria Junior College Choir ranked fourth in the world, or Victoria Chorale, ranked thirteenth in the world rankings, it's surprising that we don't get to perform in this seemingly world-class event; at least, that's what the organisers try to make it to be. look, maybe i was bias in quoting those examples of which i was and am still part of, but nevertheless my point is clear. how come year after year we're not promoting our local youth arts scene, to the world? with the coming youth olympic games in 2010, i really do hope that the organisers can look into this issue at hand. at least give us the oppurtunity to do our part in bringing singapore to the world, because right now you're not.

i realised i really am proud to be a signaller; for some unknown reason, i just am. maybe this is known as successful brainwashing of the organisation i serve my liability in, but i doubt so. there wasn't much brainwashing that was done during my short few weeks of training and i didn't even do much signal work here, so i reckon it could be some unknown reason. then again, come to think of it now, maybe it's because i'm like the only signaller-man i know of here in taiwan. oh wait, i am the only signaller in taiwan. BIATCH.

guess what?

i just sustained another small graze on my knuckle.

i realised i've been getting a lot of unknown cuts recently and i only find them out during the shower when a sudden part of my skin, most of the time my hand, burns in cool running water and a quick look will have that new cut be discovered. thing is, i don't even realise i sustained that cut most of the time. even if i hit myself against something, i don't really stop and do a full body check of any new cuts or bruises. life goes on. i very recently stabbed my middle finger with the end of the metal ruler and goodness, it bled. two alcohol wipes, a quick run under water and then a nice plaster over it had it all taken care of and now there's a cute little hole there where the end of the ruler found its place there just a few days ago. i need to take better care of myself- for the sake of myself, and who knows, the person waiting for me at the altar?

i woke up this sunday morning, half expecting a beautiful sunrise radiating her full glory over the lonely houses that were scattered across the lush green fields of young shoots. i woke up to an alarm instead, and quickly arose from my slumber- one that i didn't fall deeply in in the first place. since then events started falling into place quickly and with a sudden blink of the half-closed eye it is seven in the evening already. i must say i'm feeling rather accomplished right now, but yet there seems to be a world of other things that are just waiting for me to complete. fact is, there isn't much left for me to do. i think i'm stressing myself too much. maybe i need to take a break and expect that sunrise tomorrow morning- the sunrise that i missed today.

is being emotionless an emotion?

it's odd isn't it? people watch watch romantic movies, listen to love songs even read romantic novels, all in the hopes of finding some possibility that they too, like their fictional characters, can find that perfect hollywood love scene- or at least part of it, even a small one will do. we often throw ourselves, unconsciously or at times purposely, at these chances and expect ourselves to experience that warm tingly sensation. it's a gamble isn't it? we're all gamblers of love, aren't we? we know the odds against us are high, very high actually, but yet like a game of poker some of us have already done the "show hand" and lose ourselves uncontrollably. have i lost before, given myself to the clutches of this seemingly dark image of love- the image that people don't know of or rather are unwilling to acknowledge it- yes i have. in fact, let's just say it was a considerable setback in life. question now is, will i gamble again? i will, definitely only this time, i won't be playing with mr hollywood. i was just thinkin, let's raise the stakes, shall we?

this time, i challenge life to this gamble.

if you see sparks, don't worry.

just continue to connect the wires.

it's perfectly alright.

alright, my ass.

i had sparks all over my face

and then melted metal started spewing everywhere.

don't worry, my ass.

mandopop is all about love

and frivolous being.

i just very recently had a craving for love songs and soon realised that, that feeling of destitute and hopelessness somehow doesn't seem to be crawling back every time i hear the melodies through the headphones. i doubt it is the headphones right? *BLONDE ME* but i guess this is good. i mean this was one of the things that i wanted to achieve, and was also by itself a reason for my agreeing to coming up here. yea, i suceeded.

-------------------------------------------------------
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
-------------------------------------------------------
But I don't care what they say,
I'm in love with you,
They try to pull me away,
But they don't know the truth,
My hearts crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.
You cut me open and I,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,
I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
You cut me open.

well, yet another year passes us by just like that. here comes the big day for all junior college students islandwide- the collection of the A-Level results. ask me how i felt before the collection and i can tell you in the face, "GET ME BACKTO MAINLAND NOW!" cause i was in the middle of a reduced version of the sit. test. but let's just say you're probably feeling what hilary and obama are feeling the day before super tuesday. some of you will feel like clinton when you get your results- all happy and jubilant and ready to carry on with your life, only now with a scholarship; or some will feel like obama, beaten in three states and won only one. now look, i ain't no supporter of any political group but if american politics could at least educate us about something, let it be the undying spirit of picking yourself up when you fall down and get moving on with life. life ain't for you to wait for, you live your life day after day and you continue to do so after collecting those damned results.

i did that after collecting mine. if not how would i possibly, ever, come back from that setback. that horrible horrible setback. i would never forget that day i received that slip. i would never forget the sunday that week when i went to church and cried before the Lord. i would never forget all that has happened. there's just no way.

looking back now, everything comes together in the Lord's plan for me. everything i went through made me the person i am today, and Thank God for that. though i wish things would have gone a different path for me, i know somehow that at the end of the day, my God still holds me firmly in his hand, and Thank God He will never ever let me go.

now you fellas, go out there and have that spirit.

all the best fellas.

so yes, i've heard about the escape of the JI member. and no, unlike the rest of the nation back home which i'm guessing is probably freaking out right now, i'm not entirely shocked. not that i have no faith in our country's security plans and the regulatory authorities but rather in any place else in the world, there can never be an idiot-proof high level security detention area. furthermore i sincerely believe this was not because of a mistake committed by our ready guardsmen but rather, it was just probably those one in a billion chances that proves that our systems are after all only human-built and because we humans are imperfect, no matter how 'perfect' we think our created systems seem to be, it will never be. in fact they will always be far from perfect.

.

rather, i think what's running through the heads of my fellow comrades back home is whether or not they're safe. for goodness sake, have some faith in our security forces; the police force; the civil defence force; the armed forces. they're doing their best in what they do and the last thing they need to worry about is people running helter skelter in the streets screaming for help when all that has happened was their pencils dropping on the floor. point is, remember the total defence scheme, that part on psychological defence and all that relevant things. it's time someone knows that singapore stands as one nation through the good and the bad times.

damn, i sound like a true soldier.
"sign on la!"
i say YOU ARE MAD.

sometimes all we need are reminders;

it's easy to look at the blessings of others

and tend to neglect,

even forget,

ours.

the moment the sun sets

is the moment the friendships

take on a new course.

question is, which one?

the great debate: local or overseas.

i need to talk to someone rationally about this, simply because of my delusional irrational mind who has already very much decided on staying local but still have that seemingly undying sickening irritating portion of me that just keeps on dreaming to go overseas.

i really need to talk to someone

i just want to be doubly sure.

if that is Even possible.

this is just what you, economics freaks need.

within the pulsating rhythmic walls

there was silence.

the forgotten memories resurrected

and i soon found them all so familiar.

suddenly, they all meshed themselves

together, i couldn't see, i was forgetting.

list them down, the heavy bass beat told me

and so i did. they slowly became clear,

succint, distinct; i could remember.

be yourself. that's what silence told me.

no matter what, be yourself always.

in the mess of bodies gyrating on the floor,

they were pursuing something distant,

something i knew but could not describe.

it lasted as long as the music continued,

it lasted as long as the alcohol kept flowing,

it lasted just that long.

and then faces appeared from the dark.

the people i cared for, the people i loved,

the people i left behind. what seemed to be

a vaccuum of space didn't seem that dry

anymore. it welled up, it soaked me up.

slowly, they filled me to my neck, inching their

up to my face and then above me. it consumed me.

and then i heard voices calling out. i heard

a steady pulsating beat. i saw pyrotechnics flashing across

the dance floor. and that's where i knew

i had found silence.

no. silence found me.

i knew it, i knew it. singapore won the bid to host the youth olympic games in 2010. as posted in my previous entry, maybe it's precisely because some of the members of the voting committee read that entry and took the high number of videos uploaded onto youtube as part of the selection criteria. FAT HOPE, DARREN. what was i thinking.

it's big news definitely, especially for such a small south-east asian nation. it's definitely a first, probably a watershed in the history of singapore and for the region. getting all excited and hyped up after thew news is undoubtable but let's face it. can this hooha last till 2010. i'm starting to wonder whether this becomes one of those familiar national day gimmicks where the excitement, at least what's left of it today, builds up and explodes all away into the air together with the finishing fireworks down at esplanade. so, question is, what next?

"i wished i could be somebody's 'jerry'.

look, i'm sorry i liked you but i didn't mean to;

i just did.

it's not your fault, it's me."

i wished i could be somebody to you.

look, i'm sorry i started it all but i didn't mean to;

i did it because i loved you.

now, that love is gone.

and all i can do is wonder whether i can love ever again.

it's not your fault, it's me.

there has been much action in singapore lately regarding the Youth Olympics 2010 bid hasn't there? from what i know, the results of the bid will only be released some time this week but there has sure been lots of hype surrounding it. so, i decided to check out some of the videos myself on youtube. yes, the wonderful world of youtube. no doubt there were some really crappy videos, i'm speaking in terms of the professionalism of the video uploaded and not judging the raring enthusiasm shown by the participants, but i must say after all that i've watched, singapore really do deserve to win. a quick search on youtube on moscow's olympic bid and i was offered a dismaying result of two videos. if number of videos uploaded onto youtube was a selection criterion, i'm sorry to say but yes the ASIANS PREVAIL.

it's really encouraging to see the whole of singapore getting so hyped up over this bid, after all this could very well be just an ordinary bid in the eyes of the organisers in the beginning. at least that's what they thought. awesome display of national unity not just amongst the youths per se, but surprisingly amongst the heartlanders. yes i'm referring to you auntie. hanging your NUM flag outside your window- you just put those people encouraging others to hang national flags on national day to shame. it shows something doesn't it? oh well. so check this video out, i think it's one of the better vids i've watched, the other being the promotional less than a minute long video, but i much prefer this. nonetheless, if you havent watched the vancouver promotional video for the 2010 winter olympics bid, you missed out a whole lot. that was pretty good. gah- made me want to go there and see those smiley faces. so, aiyah, enough said. check this video out.

makes me wonder further, if the choral society here decided to bid for, say the world choir games, would singaporeans rise up to the challenge and display their national unity seen now? now that, is some food for thought.

enjoy.

in a few hours time the day that singles around the world dread will arrive with the first chime of the bells. don't be mistaken, i am in no way emphatatic or sympathatic of myself. there's no reason for me to feel that way anyway. thinking back of the days in vjc, of the manner we celebrate this exclusively special day, it seemed to be more of a watered down version of the romantic dinners held at posh restaurants. but those days were good. dedications to classes, teachers, special people of which i had no part in were naturally heard at the defunct lion dance room. loudspeakers boom as crooners belt out their ballads, it was fun. *chuckles, yes it was fun.

i once loved, but now lost it

there's no space for you, or them.

it's just a table for one, then...

thank you.

many things run through
my head tonight.
confusion's what i see
but music made me forget.

alright, so things didn't go as planned as mentioned in the previous entry cause of various reasons but all in all for the past four days of holidays, i must say i'm really just darn soaking up the whole chinese new year atmosphere here.

imagine this. having a reunion dinner at alvin's house, 4 steamboats to feed nearly three quarters of the camp as well as the customary blackjack and mahjong tables all nicely displayed just waiting for mata to catch only. of course the mata here also at home drinking beer and gambling la, no time to come and catch us. so after a nice dinner and watching neo defeat that man in black (it's the matrix i'm talking about, just a fyi thing?) we all proceeded outside to the backyard and guess what. we set off firecrackers and fireworks. you heard them right! that thing that goes pop in chinatown that you watch on the telly and everybody in singapore goes WAAAAAH... ya that thing, we set it off. hahah. and that thing that goes boom boom boom in they sky with a lot a lot of colours that you watch at explanade and everybody there goes WAAAAAH... ya that thing, we set it off too. best part was, we ALL set it off. just grab a firework and a lighted cigarette (just a btw thing, i don't smoke) and WHEEEEE. off it goes into the sky. watching it at esplanade during the national day parade was one thing, but watching it go off in the backyard just less than a hundred metres above us that was one hell of an experience. hahah. couldn't get enough of it, so we played for an hour or so i think, we lost track. i've got videos though. heh. mahjong and blackjack all the way after that, the wives club went back with their respective husbands leaving the single bachelors to play. confessions- i played mahjong la. haha. but it was a small bet and let's just say that though i was the won the most, it wasn't that big a deal anyway.

first day of the new year was spent in bunk cause of the previous night's dinner. did i mention that before we could finish the things inside the steamboat, we already started pouring new things inside to the extent that half the time we don't know whether the food in our mouth is cooked or absolutely raw? anway, it was a painful experience but nevertheless, managed to get my ass out to renjie's place for another... make a guess.. steamboat. and more, curry. wow. perfect combination for an already upset stomach. but it was good clean fun, it was after all a celebration with the green people, so gambling is always involved just that that night's money making wasn't as huge as a win of 60,000NT for some people, rather, that ONE person. all thanks to the kids.

found my ass in taipei yesterday to see what i could find but there wasn't much to see. not exactly a wasted trip cause after all i was with good company so that in itself was good. so here's the main point. i was supposed to go to tainan this morning, but considering that we woke up late at 11plus it was useless to go there and come back by nightfall. we didn't want to stay overnight there as well, felt it was also useless. nevermind. in the end having nowhere to go we got psychoed by combatant guardsman medic jeremy chia and his sidekicks to go to yangmingshan to guess what? see flower. okay loh, never mind la. go la, could be fun. wrong. moment we stepped out of the bus at the mountains, numb ears and frozen cheeks was what we could feel, or rather could not feel. so jacob philip and myself went downhill while the other three went to bash their way through the greens just to appreciate flowers at a temperature of less than 5degrees. oh, did i mention it was raining quite a bit as well? what did you expect, we're the people in green.

to cut the long story short, we then wanted to go tainan tomorrow morning but realised that the last train back on a saturday/ evening was at 1930 or something. NO TIME! so scrapped the idea for now, pushed it till summer probably. oh well, it was all good fun. as for tomorrow, it's off to renjie's house for mahjong then to staff low's place for.. urgh. steamboat. haha. after all, chinese new year's meant to be spent with your family and to me, these people are family to me at least for my time here. hahha.

PS: it's friggin cold now. 8degrees in camp, where i am now, without considering the wind of course; 5degrees in ximending, taipei, 12pm. and less than 5degrees, nearing zero probably at yangmingshan. welcome to chinese new year in taiwan. fantastic isn't it?

it's chinese new year eve today and i'm officially on a holiday from wednesday (today) till next monday. so to do the math for you, that's 6 days of public holiday for me and i am so gonna lap it all up. apparently there're a cold front appearing from china and is expected to 'reach' taiwan either today or tomorrow. having said that, i'm sitting out in the cold now at 7-11 surfing the net and writing this unwritable and uninteresting entry because of all the filipinos surfing inside in the warm atmosphere of the store. to make matters colder, it's drizzling slightly at a temperature just hovering above 10 degrees. and to make matters worse, if it isn't already, you forgot about the wind. nevertheless, these 6 days of holidays are there for me to enjoy and you bet i'm going to do just that! it's taipei tomorrow. slack the next day. tainan to eat and see see, not to mention squeeze with the horrendous crowds you wish were all thin, on the third day. slack on fourth day. and maybe a nice hot spring bath on the last day of my public holidays run. okay, my hands are now officially cold and numb so forgive me if this entry is short- PS: i didn't expect it to be this long so i suppose you didn't waste your time just reading one sentence that says happy chinese new year to you all. but then again, i just cannot not include this in, especially on this lovely cold eve. so here goes,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!
(missing you, you and YOU)

this entry is one of the few that is written immediately after i feel and/ or see something special to me. this entry is particularly special because it reminds me of many things- things that i tend to forget with time but can never be erased, not even a spot of it lost. it is an entry written after i watched short running segments of the korean movie jibeuro about the unconditional and sacrificial love of a grandmother who lived in the rural areas for her city-influenced grandson.

i must admit that there were some tearjerking moments which took me very much back in time when i was still a young lad. i saw myself alive in that boy, always kicking up a big fuss at home with my grandma; and even if i didn't, she would always give me what i wanted. i never appreciated her, that's a fact, but i sure wished i did. i remember the times when we would both go marketing at the local supermarket and i always wanted sushi. but despite her frugality, she always gave me what i wanted. at times, i threw my temper at her; other times, ganged up with my sister and other cousin against her, giving her the stress that she never needed. i never really appreciated her or what she had done for me. she coached me in my mandarin, taught my cantonese, cooked me the most wonderful fish that till today no one can replicate, and most importantly was always there for me when i needed her. she never chided me, not once but was always full of encouragement whenever i came back down and out. she believed so much in education, so much so that in her dying years i promised myself that i would do my utmost at my O Levels and make her proud. i did, eventually. i would never forget the day she left the world to be with the Lord, and how i woke up to the phone call. i would never forget the day i went over to her house the next morning. i would never forget her words of wisdom. i would never forget her unconditional love for me. i would never forget and i will not forget. everything she did was for me and sometimes i hate myself for being so warped in my pre-adolescent immature state of mind that i became oblivious to everything. no tears now, not even now, will bring her back. nothing will or can bring her back, and everything that is left are just memories stolen from time. memories that will never be forgotten. they will not be.

i will not forget.

i love you grandma.

you know i do.

oh hello there. i just came back from my winter tour down south to the mountainous regions and boy oh boy have i come back a deranged man. cause, simple. imagine yourself travelling down south for nearly 7 hours, stopping an hour just for lunch up the mountains; and then travelling another 8 hours down the mountain to yet another mountain; mind you, the timings here are all exclusive of the agonising time spent in the mountains with nothing but mother nature around you. but i must say, the last day spent at the theme park was enough to make everyone forget how horrid the journey must have been.
.
speaking of deranged, i just have to write this down. C'MON AND SHOW OFF YOUR MIEN-OR! sorry, i just had to write that down. you know it's those random things you think of on a seemingly unending bus journey.
.
there were a few things that i realised as well during this trip. jeremy, the senior medic was telling me the difference between a combatant and a service- serviceman. the difference, he said was, when combatants are faced with something physically and mentally challenging they are the first sot-sot ones to say "Let's go for it la! FUN what!" and i actually believe that the word in capitals is the keyword that defines you to be a combatant. oh wells, this is just a random comment so don't shoot me down you proud servicemen not drawing combat pay. HA!
.
the other thing that got me thinking popped into my head when i was at the cultural theme park just a few hours ago. basically this theme park is like a hybrid of genting and err... the maori tribe villages, only that this theme park showcases nine of the thirteen aboriginal tribes of taiwan. so i was just thinking of how tourism actually diluted the pure culture of these tribes. odd isn't it, for me to think of these things in the middle of theme park where kids scream for ice cream and old ones hurridly buying those cones for them just to shut them up? but yes, i was so call me odd, i don't care. but then again, i also realised that we've come or are coming to a time and age where if tourism is suddenly taken away, due to those who fight for the rights of the aborigines and won, what would happen to these aborigines then? will their culture be revitalised again, or for that matter be completely lost forever as they realise that if tourism cannot put food on their table then they would have to move to the cities to work. is this one permanent smear or worse, damage that tourism has done to our society? believe you me, i'm a pro-tourism activist but these things just get me thinking.
.
oh wells, these are just my random thoughts. in fact, i'm actually wondering how i'll respond to this ten years from now. or worse. if my kids see this entry. drats.

am now down south
winter tour to the mountains
and what's even better is -
this is just the icing on the cake.
lovely.

the australian open is now on
and i'm so gonna lap it all up.

05 jan / 1730h : touch down in taiwan; wait for philip

05 jan / 1950h : dinner; philip touch down

05 jan / 2100h : arrived back in camp

05 jan / 2105h : went to Hsinchu to catch American Gangster

06 jan / 0100h : movie ended; continue to nua outside

06 jan / 0200h : went back to camp; sleep

06 jan / 0900h : woke up FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON

06 jan / 1700h : went vegan for dinner (hey, it was free)

06 jan / 1900h : cut hair because of some obscene order

06 jan / 2100h : went vogue to celebrate jeremy's birthday; drank

07 jan / 0000h : went back to camp

07 jan / 0715h : fall in for 5bx, half cursing in the cold weather

07 jan / 1700h : work ended

07 jan / 1800h : hit the gym, pumping muscles-lol.

07 jan / 1900h : finished gyming, went back to bunk.

08 jan / 0715h : sore muscles, sore throat

08 jan / 2045h : went to bed

09 jan / 0230h : woke up FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON

09 jan / 0545h : woke up because of sore muscles

09 jan / 0715h : felt like crap.

09 jan / 0900h : did an ECG; jeremy gave me some medicine

09 jan / 2300h : went to bed

10 jan / 0200h : woke up FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON

10 jan / 0715h : woke up for 5bx; throat hurting; muscles less sore

10 jan / 1910h : typing this entry.

i actually had to find some time to sit down and think through what i wanted to write in this entry, which is really unlike the usual me blogging randomly about the random things that i see around me, so i suppose this entry will actually mean something after all. so i needed the time to think through, i also needed to find a time long enough for me to fill in the empty cyberwalls, thus explaining the huge delay in this entry. so i shall begin proper then.

these past two weeks of being home was truly a testament of God's assurance to me that when i leave Singapore to come here, He will not only bring me through my stint here but also take care of the people that i leave behind. it was thus very reassuring when i came home and saw these lovely jovial bunch of kids in my cell running helter-skelter in the most happy fashion when they saw me, albeit some blur ones. more of my cell in OUR blog there. but it was really good seeing everybody again, as if the phrase 'absence makes the heart grows fonder' came to life. it was just good, really. from the carolling to the random dinners to the random lunches, even to the random late night coffee at white sands, everything was just good. it's inevitable for someone like me who comes back on home leave to compare certain things such as food, fashion, looks, yadayadayada. But as i always mention to others, something more important, is that singapore is after all home, and for that, nothing beats being home. it's amazing what two weeks can do. just 15 days ago at this time, i arrived back on singapore soil, where half and hour later i started breathing singapore air. two days later, i celebrated Christmas Day; and just a week ago, we ushered in the new year; two days ago, i arrived back to taiwan and now here i am, sitting in the webcam room writing all this nonsense. it's amazing what two weeks can do to your life. all that i have and all that i hold dear to my heart, was taken away just like that in the course of time. having said that, for me to return back to singapore for good, returning back to taiwan is just part of the whole experience. so i take this oppurtunity to thank everyone back home for just being, you. that was all i wanted to meet. once again, thank you.

i miss perspiring.

yet will i praise thee,

i lift my hands and sing

yet will i praise thee,

i will bow before the king

and praise thee

give to you my everything

i lift up my hands and sing

yet will i praise thee.

oh well, 2007 just passed as the second hand edged closer to twelve and soon enough we find ourselves entering into a new year of our lives. looking back a year ago, i was still wondering how in the world today would be like, how i would even survive national service; for that matter, how i would even survive bmt in tekong, which at that point of time loomed over me. one year later, i not only survived bmt and half of national service, i've survived almost half of my posting term in taiwan. nevertheless this year has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster for me, feeling things that somehow seems to pertain more to the adult realm rather than the adolescents' one. still above all this, there were lessons learnt and it is these lessons that will stay with me forever. no matter how cliche that even sounded, it is true. so for all of these that has happened to me, i give God thanks and all the praise that He's worthy of because really without Him, gosh. i wouldn't even want to imagine how downright sucky my life can actually get.

.

THANK YOU GOD, FOR 2007.

i question

i wonder

i'm not pressured.

you considered

you are going

it was finally cancelled.

i asked

you answered

maybe... i shouldn't even think about it.

there is just this unspeakable joy in me now.

seeing everybody at home was just too much for me to take it all in in one shot, so much so that i was pretty much overwhelmed in church. the kids were scrambling, rachel was screaming hysterically (fine, i'm exagerrating), and everybody was just wishing one another merry christmas. speaking of which, i was asking myself what Christmas meant to me this year, considering all that i've gone through for this one year in the army. frankly, i never really gave it much thought even right now as i type, it's just on the spot thoughts. reason why i wanted to come back this Christmas was because i wanted to share the Christmas spirit with the people i love most at home. it would be a crying shame if i spent it overseas, in a mandarin speaking church with me not knowing a quarter of the people in there. but Christmas is after all, all about Christ the Risen Lord. things are not the same when you view this holiday season as something else, i guess it's become innate already. so i shall use this Christmas season as a form of Thanksgiving for those who have desperately missed me (LOL) and those i have sadly left behind. for that, i thank you all.

have you ever seen the naive smiles on the faces of innocent, pure angelic children. it is a smile that carries with it no worries, nor hardships nor pain. what happens there and then is exactly shown and displayed on their faces; nothing is fake, only the genuine appears. a smile as heartfelt as this would simple make hearts melt, and guess what, there are a lot of kids here who have successfully done so. i love kids. they make me think of my past, and my future. and their smiles are miraculously able to spread the joy around. it seems to be more of some centripetal foce or radial energy that spreads it's wings outwards, into the lives of others. and in that way, smiles begin to appear on the faces of even the older ones. after all, there is a child in every one of us, isn't there?

it's amazing what cynical people can actually do to your fragile sanity. trust me, in no time just a slight twitch of the facial muscles is enough for complete insanity. and i mean a total transformation of a normal world into a world filled with hair-tearing and shrill-screaming people. i'm just at a loss of words really, how people can actually be and remain cynical even in the presence of the most optimistic people around. it's like chucky meeting a happy teletubby, minus the cute factor. i must say it's getting increasingly difficult to be that happy little, not forgetting chubby, teletubby and wandering in the misty midst of dense chucky. i'd rather be frolicking with my bunnies over the green hills and Far away. i mean, you definitely don't want to see a hairless screaming chubbs scooting around the hills now do you? so for crying out loud, spare me the audio agony.

我不知道我一直重播那首歌的原因，
但心里却是蹦蹦，蹦蹦的跳着。
虽然我们之间的关系已来到了终点，
我还是无力抗拒黑夜所带的沉默，的孤独；
默默知道再也无法回转时间到我们年轻的时候。
。

想你到无法呼吸的我
实在是被思念给吞没到寂寞中。

i need to put this down in words no matter how lame this sounds but damn it's good news. i passed my driving test yesterday. (everybody says yay!) the entire experience was rather exhilirating right from the beginning. seriously, if you had to wake up at six in the morning just to be at the driving centre by seven in the morning, i bet your head would still be rather groggy from the beautiful Disrupted dream you left from. aaron and i were and it was not a very good thing. upon reaching the centre, i stepped on a cat (not to mention it screamed and Thank God it didn't attack me) and the two of us were whisked off to the main centre only at around seven.thirty. we went in to do the theory not knowing we were the only two of four students, the other two being burmese, taking the theory test on the computer. the computerised test was supposed to be meant more for listening but heck it, we just read off the screen and did the test. so we four students started first and barely into the paper test that the taiwanese were taking, aaron and i stood up and left. we finished the test in ten minutes and guess what? we passed. i scored eighty.seven.point5 when the passing mark was eighty-five. Thank God i passed it on first attempt. aaron passed too so when we walked out, we had heads turning towards our direction and upon hearing of our results our instructor, who so by the way was uber uber worried for us because we hardly done the mock tests ever, was visibly shocked, most naturally. i mean we were too. we studied like crap the day before only, and for such a result- i mean we passed. typical singaporean, pass can already la. i remember that. so we went back to the centre and then we waited. did a few practice rounds and then we went out for a beek steak lunch. arriving back at the centre at around one, we waited for the think-they're-so-mighty examiners to arrive and soon enough we found ourselves in the driver's seat. so we went through the all so familiar circuit- reverse parking, S course both forward and backward, parallel parking, railroad crossing, stopping on a slope, accelerating and then it was all over. i made no mistakes, at least not that i know of and THANK GOD I PASSED! aaron made a booboo on the first station and was somewhat in a state of shock when he found out he passed. well he did too anyway. uhhuh, so that concludes our exciting driving test day. right now, i'm a proud holder of a taiwanese driving license and very soon a proud holder of the singapore equivalent.

"About half of adolescent boys surveyed said they had sex within one month of knowing their romantic partners, compared with about 23 percent for the girls. "

.

with compliments of channelnewsasia.com i managed to read this article with much interest. frankly, this report came as no surprise to me considering myself to be exposed to all these small facets of life as seen by my college friends. i've heard of stories, personal accounts, and know friends who have gone through this. sex is no longer a taboo subject. in fact i think it's precisely because of our asian attitude of making this sex topic seem as a taboo subject that is creating an interest and desire to dwelve deep into it. teenagers want more than just a 'when you grow up you will find out for yourself' or a 'just don't do it because it's wrong' answer. at this point it's apt for me to inject this fact that even in the western world where sex seems to be less of a taboo subject, pre-marital sex is still rampant as is with abortions before marriage. short gun marriages are not uncommon there and with a lack of knowledge and exposure of the following consequences, such statistics may soon find its way into our national records soon. what interests me more is that considering the above statement to be a true representation of the entire nation, does that mean only half of our males are copulating with a quarter of our females? so after doing a little math here and there that makes a ratio of two males for every female to effectively give one child. in economic terms, that means low productivity. it's no wonder our birth rate is so low. tsktsk.

it only just recently dawned upon me that today is a friday and it's december already. winter is literally here in taiwan but my heart is still warm from the smiles taken with me at the airport. it's been a seemingly long while here, 5 months and counting, but looking back now it doesn't seem that long really. a flutter of an eye, that was what it seemed to be. i've got another 9 more months to go, that is if i do extend which is highly likely, and estimate myself to be backfor good only in mid-september or beginning of october. in the process of planning ahead, i'm currently looking forward to my mid-term home leave in december; to see all you wonderful people back home. still, i'm still trying to believe that today's a friday on a wintery cool december night.

they know that santa's on his way.

he's loaded of toys and goodies on his sleigh

and every mother's child is gonna spy

to see if reindeers really know how to fly.

there's really a sense of nostalgia emerging from within whenever i hear carols being played on air and through youtube. the five consecutive days of carolling were once such a pain in the ass; tiring schedules, odd timings, sometimes horrid food, but nevertheless all the while fun. Majestic songs such as "O, Come All Ye Faithful" and "O Holy Night" never fail to bring back the tingles and satisfaction felt after singing those high notes and finally ending the song with a beautiful slow decresencdo. i then heard celine dion's version of "The Christmas Song" and nearly teared. it was a song that our batch sang in our post-christmas concert- the first concert we did on our own. with meaningful words matched aptly in flowing tandem with the fluid-like music, it will be yet another symphony of voices, of both young and old (yes chorale, don't deny it. we are All old) in the Grand Hall of Raffles Hotel on Christmas Day. so even as i type this here in taiwan, i look forward to the day of carolling with my best companions beside me, because after all, that's what makes Christmas each year special- spending time with you.

... although it's been said, many times many ways,
Merry Christmas to You.

i've been doing a lot of thinking these few days about things back home; reminiscing of old times, hopeful of the future and many times in deep thought. there are of course some things that cannot be publicly disclosed here due to the complications that may arise if intepreted/ passed on wrongly, knowing that for every sentence that people make on their blogs there will be some tabloids going around spreading false rumours. i'm someone who thinks a lot but the things that i think of hardly ever come true- a worrier? i reckon i am. still, there's a lot more of things ahead of myself to hope for and fight for. thank goodness, this particular issue only stays for the last few minutes before i fly to dreamland. and for every thing that i think of, there has to be something to jumpstart my thinking cap right? believe it or not cnn jumpstarted mine just a few hours ago. there was a report "Czar Putin" and an advertisement on Libya's female fighters. and because this blog is not some global political blog, i shall not go into the horrid details of the report. but it definitely got me thinking; thinking about the sort of things that i want to study in two years time. gender issues, politics, racial issues, the list goes on. still, That particular issue continues to hang around somewhere. maybe i'm not over it; but i'm rather certain i am, though others say i'm not.

like a communist assasin

at the back of the alley, i fled.

there was no screaming, no agony, no pain

it was a silent affair.

at governement house,

after being granted political asylum, i left.

still, i held on to my roots.

i knew, and continue to know.

the ball's still in your court

yet there's another sharing the same space.

maybe mine has been thrown out;

discarded into the box of friends.

nevertheless, i wish you love.