i question

i wonder

i'm not pressured.

you considered

you are going

it was finally cancelled.

i asked

you answered

maybe... i shouldn't even think about it.

there is just this unspeakable joy in me now.

seeing everybody at home was just too much for me to take it all in in one shot, so much so that i was pretty much overwhelmed in church. the kids were scrambling, rachel was screaming hysterically (fine, i'm exagerrating), and everybody was just wishing one another merry christmas. speaking of which, i was asking myself what Christmas meant to me this year, considering all that i've gone through for this one year in the army. frankly, i never really gave it much thought even right now as i type, it's just on the spot thoughts. reason why i wanted to come back this Christmas was because i wanted to share the Christmas spirit with the people i love most at home. it would be a crying shame if i spent it overseas, in a mandarin speaking church with me not knowing a quarter of the people in there. but Christmas is after all, all about Christ the Risen Lord. things are not the same when you view this holiday season as something else, i guess it's become innate already. so i shall use this Christmas season as a form of Thanksgiving for those who have desperately missed me (LOL) and those i have sadly left behind. for that, i thank you all.

have you ever seen the naive smiles on the faces of innocent, pure angelic children. it is a smile that carries with it no worries, nor hardships nor pain. what happens there and then is exactly shown and displayed on their faces; nothing is fake, only the genuine appears. a smile as heartfelt as this would simple make hearts melt, and guess what, there are a lot of kids here who have successfully done so. i love kids. they make me think of my past, and my future. and their smiles are miraculously able to spread the joy around. it seems to be more of some centripetal foce or radial energy that spreads it's wings outwards, into the lives of others. and in that way, smiles begin to appear on the faces of even the older ones. after all, there is a child in every one of us, isn't there?

it's amazing what cynical people can actually do to your fragile sanity. trust me, in no time just a slight twitch of the facial muscles is enough for complete insanity. and i mean a total transformation of a normal world into a world filled with hair-tearing and shrill-screaming people. i'm just at a loss of words really, how people can actually be and remain cynical even in the presence of the most optimistic people around. it's like chucky meeting a happy teletubby, minus the cute factor. i must say it's getting increasingly difficult to be that happy little, not forgetting chubby, teletubby and wandering in the misty midst of dense chucky. i'd rather be frolicking with my bunnies over the green hills and Far away. i mean, you definitely don't want to see a hairless screaming chubbs scooting around the hills now do you? so for crying out loud, spare me the audio agony.

我不知道我一直重播那首歌的原因，
但心里却是蹦蹦，蹦蹦的跳着。
虽然我们之间的关系已来到了终点，
我还是无力抗拒黑夜所带的沉默，的孤独；
默默知道再也无法回转时间到我们年轻的时候。
。

想你到无法呼吸的我
实在是被思念给吞没到寂寞中。

i need to put this down in words no matter how lame this sounds but damn it's good news. i passed my driving test yesterday. (everybody says yay!) the entire experience was rather exhilirating right from the beginning. seriously, if you had to wake up at six in the morning just to be at the driving centre by seven in the morning, i bet your head would still be rather groggy from the beautiful Disrupted dream you left from. aaron and i were and it was not a very good thing. upon reaching the centre, i stepped on a cat (not to mention it screamed and Thank God it didn't attack me) and the two of us were whisked off to the main centre only at around seven.thirty. we went in to do the theory not knowing we were the only two of four students, the other two being burmese, taking the theory test on the computer. the computerised test was supposed to be meant more for listening but heck it, we just read off the screen and did the test. so we four students started first and barely into the paper test that the taiwanese were taking, aaron and i stood up and left. we finished the test in ten minutes and guess what? we passed. i scored eighty.seven.point5 when the passing mark was eighty-five. Thank God i passed it on first attempt. aaron passed too so when we walked out, we had heads turning towards our direction and upon hearing of our results our instructor, who so by the way was uber uber worried for us because we hardly done the mock tests ever, was visibly shocked, most naturally. i mean we were too. we studied like crap the day before only, and for such a result- i mean we passed. typical singaporean, pass can already la. i remember that. so we went back to the centre and then we waited. did a few practice rounds and then we went out for a beek steak lunch. arriving back at the centre at around one, we waited for the think-they're-so-mighty examiners to arrive and soon enough we found ourselves in the driver's seat. so we went through the all so familiar circuit- reverse parking, S course both forward and backward, parallel parking, railroad crossing, stopping on a slope, accelerating and then it was all over. i made no mistakes, at least not that i know of and THANK GOD I PASSED! aaron made a booboo on the first station and was somewhat in a state of shock when he found out he passed. well he did too anyway. uhhuh, so that concludes our exciting driving test day. right now, i'm a proud holder of a taiwanese driving license and very soon a proud holder of the singapore equivalent.

"About half of adolescent boys surveyed said they had sex within one month of knowing their romantic partners, compared with about 23 percent for the girls. "

.

with compliments of channelnewsasia.com i managed to read this article with much interest. frankly, this report came as no surprise to me considering myself to be exposed to all these small facets of life as seen by my college friends. i've heard of stories, personal accounts, and know friends who have gone through this. sex is no longer a taboo subject. in fact i think it's precisely because of our asian attitude of making this sex topic seem as a taboo subject that is creating an interest and desire to dwelve deep into it. teenagers want more than just a 'when you grow up you will find out for yourself' or a 'just don't do it because it's wrong' answer. at this point it's apt for me to inject this fact that even in the western world where sex seems to be less of a taboo subject, pre-marital sex is still rampant as is with abortions before marriage. short gun marriages are not uncommon there and with a lack of knowledge and exposure of the following consequences, such statistics may soon find its way into our national records soon. what interests me more is that considering the above statement to be a true representation of the entire nation, does that mean only half of our males are copulating with a quarter of our females? so after doing a little math here and there that makes a ratio of two males for every female to effectively give one child. in economic terms, that means low productivity. it's no wonder our birth rate is so low. tsktsk.

it only just recently dawned upon me that today is a friday and it's december already. winter is literally here in taiwan but my heart is still warm from the smiles taken with me at the airport. it's been a seemingly long while here, 5 months and counting, but looking back now it doesn't seem that long really. a flutter of an eye, that was what it seemed to be. i've got another 9 more months to go, that is if i do extend which is highly likely, and estimate myself to be backfor good only in mid-september or beginning of october. in the process of planning ahead, i'm currently looking forward to my mid-term home leave in december; to see all you wonderful people back home. still, i'm still trying to believe that today's a friday on a wintery cool december night.

they know that santa's on his way.

he's loaded of toys and goodies on his sleigh

and every mother's child is gonna spy

to see if reindeers really know how to fly.

there's really a sense of nostalgia emerging from within whenever i hear carols being played on air and through youtube. the five consecutive days of carolling were once such a pain in the ass; tiring schedules, odd timings, sometimes horrid food, but nevertheless all the while fun. Majestic songs such as "O, Come All Ye Faithful" and "O Holy Night" never fail to bring back the tingles and satisfaction felt after singing those high notes and finally ending the song with a beautiful slow decresencdo. i then heard celine dion's version of "The Christmas Song" and nearly teared. it was a song that our batch sang in our post-christmas concert- the first concert we did on our own. with meaningful words matched aptly in flowing tandem with the fluid-like music, it will be yet another symphony of voices, of both young and old (yes chorale, don't deny it. we are All old) in the Grand Hall of Raffles Hotel on Christmas Day. so even as i type this here in taiwan, i look forward to the day of carolling with my best companions beside me, because after all, that's what makes Christmas each year special- spending time with you.

... although it's been said, many times many ways,
Merry Christmas to You.

i've been doing a lot of thinking these few days about things back home; reminiscing of old times, hopeful of the future and many times in deep thought. there are of course some things that cannot be publicly disclosed here due to the complications that may arise if intepreted/ passed on wrongly, knowing that for every sentence that people make on their blogs there will be some tabloids going around spreading false rumours. i'm someone who thinks a lot but the things that i think of hardly ever come true- a worrier? i reckon i am. still, there's a lot more of things ahead of myself to hope for and fight for. thank goodness, this particular issue only stays for the last few minutes before i fly to dreamland. and for every thing that i think of, there has to be something to jumpstart my thinking cap right? believe it or not cnn jumpstarted mine just a few hours ago. there was a report "Czar Putin" and an advertisement on Libya's female fighters. and because this blog is not some global political blog, i shall not go into the horrid details of the report. but it definitely got me thinking; thinking about the sort of things that i want to study in two years time. gender issues, politics, racial issues, the list goes on. still, That particular issue continues to hang around somewhere. maybe i'm not over it; but i'm rather certain i am, though others say i'm not.

like a communist assasin

at the back of the alley, i fled.

there was no screaming, no agony, no pain

it was a silent affair.

at governement house,

after being granted political asylum, i left.

still, i held on to my roots.

i knew, and continue to know.

the ball's still in your court

yet there's another sharing the same space.

maybe mine has been thrown out;

discarded into the box of friends.

nevertheless, i wish you love.

i love surfing the internet till the wee small hours of the morning just to lose consciousness of where you are. just being in the middle of cyberworld with gazillions of bytes wheezing past your now turning blurry eyes, it makes you forget everything. yes, everything is the keyword. i'm just immersed in the presence of others and losing my presence here. that's good isn't it? no doubt this stint here has been and i do suppose it will be a watershed in my life, nothing beats home really. to communicate with home and friends abound, that's life. this comes especially at a time when politics seem to be causing my life to atrophy. i just want to lay unconscious on the floor now, asleep. a mild headache and some dreary eyes are keeping awake. oh, the irony. i just love literature. thank God for literature. i'm just rambling away.

people who take and/ or love literature are seriously different from those who don't. reveal a slight nuance to the person who loves and/ or takes literature and you can expect a shocking but possibly entirely true perception and even a prediction of the situation. i realise people like these can read into a lot of things- personal and public alike, and intepret them as something else. fascinating don't you think? the joy of reading into things and making it your own- it's little wonder that literature is the written form of art. for that matter, reading into these slight nuances make literature the written form of pop art, to be more precise really. and it's always fascinating to be in the company of such people, but as i have also realised too much of these people will only turn you into a walking tabloid. because things discussed and shared aren't confirmed by anyone, it slowly starts off as a random comment and slowly makes it way up the top as a potential hot-grabbed article of The New Paper. share that same comment with someone who doesn't take or enjor literature and you get a simple toned down version found exclusively in The Straits Times. there are things that people don't see with the naked eye but intepreted differently with the noticing of the smallest actions, words spoken and tone used. oh, the power of literature.

i'm blasting k-rock into my ears again. all in a desperate bid to attempt to get myself out of the whirlwind of politics that i've been forced into. in times like these where music is formed from the clanging of metal strings and hard bass, politics seem to be driven out rather easily. forget the sense talked, because in politics there is simply no sense. people do the most darndest things- and you thought only kids do it, for their personal gains. this reminds me a lot of those cantonese shows of ancient times where somehow in the show there will be cases of betrayal against the ruler and pure selfishness. maybe a scene is played here in the perfect background of chaos stirred by That selfish idiot. nevertheless in the middle of all that stirred chaos, there is still a warm violin strings tone amongst the heavy bass and metal strings. there are still some trustworthy confidants around; there is still peace confided in.

sometimes i feel how ns makes us more mature is in the way it exposes our young innocent males to the working world outside, especially to the nerds out there whose world is just made up of plain formulae and books. politics fly everywhere in the office and suction pads are just personified simply. decisions are made with dumb nobility and inconsistence, won't you just remind me of what we learnt in social studies- about good governance and ultimately good leadership. oh, sorry there i just brought in the academics and they are just not relevant to the working world. you make the decision as to whether the things we study are relevant to modern society today. pure science and mathematics and humanities are not spoken of unless it is used for alluring purposes. it seems to me then that it's the subtle things that we learn and gain out of school that brings us far, not the book knowledge. still, the word personified was learnt during literature in secondary school and boy, am i already in the middle of the real drama unfolding before my very eyes. politics are played, need we even learn about the science of it? maybe i should just further elaborate on my opening statement then. that ns makes us more mature because it actually fuses both the academic and cold hard truth of life.

like finally it's one more year to ord date! and that means i've just spent a whole ten months in the army already and what a period! lots have happened and life's directions have somewhat been changed in this short span of time as compared to the dozen spent in school mugging our asses off. sorry but no offence students. looking back at the past ten months spent is something worth remembering, the lessons learnt, the dumb mistakes and not forgetting the most retarded things you do with your similarly retarded friends. it's no wonder then, why people say national service changes lives. of course there are the identically memorable times of despair and hopelessness when things planned for didn't seem to go the way it should be and then came the leaning on the Lord's plan during those times. things have definitely changed for the better. marie once told me about the guys in her school telling her about why guys in university actually seem more matured than those in college. reason is simply national service- there's just so much nothing to do that there is absolutely an infinite time for one to spend thinking about well, life in it's purest essence. and that's supposed to make you mature. bull. i reckon it's the whole process that makes us mature and not our rank or vocation that does the job. in fact you know what? i don't reckon, i truly believe it is so. final year lap, THANK GOD, bring it on!

you know the saying "all you need is a good night's rest"? if i would just add another word into it to make it "all you need is a good LONG night's rest" and boy, would you feel the difference. i realised after some days, possibly weeks of near sleep-deprived nights, emotions started to make waves in my constantly swirling head. hello world, for those who are jusdt feeling moody or down, take this advice: go sleep now. even if it's seven in the evening and you need to get up only at twelve the next morning, go sleep. you never know the miraculous effects of sleep. it always comes down to this really, especially after i just saw my friends off at the airport for their return flight home, some even to the door of the plane. it burns somehow inside to know that this plane is eventually bound for singapore and you on the other hand are repelled by this invisible wall at the aerobridge, just unable to board the plane. it really is a sickening feeling deep inside and it normally lasts for that short few hours while on the ride back to camp. then again, that 'invisible wall' will just have to make way for yours truly as i will be heading home in december. so i shall just continue to keep that dream alive by... continue to dream somemore. yea, in my dreams.

it seemed like a long time ago since i last saw daniel but in actual fact i just sent him off last night at the airport. it was a great time of getting together and all that jazz, but what i or rather we realised openly was how this whole affair seemed too much of a coincidence. i admitted it was indeed way too much of a coincidence. i mean i really did since i was posted here. the Lord works in the most different ways, some that are unseen and others yet so apparent but above all, He's got a plan for all of us. the paths that we have chosen are the very paths that the Lord can use to bless us and make us more like Him. in Him we live and move and have our being, thank God i'm posted here in taiwan. for that matter, thank God for this overseas posting. there have been a lot of things that i've learnt through my stint here, went through some personal struggles en route to maturity, or so i sincerely do hope. i think i shall end here firstly cause i think this entry seems rather incoherent at some parts and secondly but most importantly regarding this issue, there are a lot of things going on inside of me which is not exactly, well if you would say, settled. so i suppose it's toodles here. goodnight, taipei.

i had a nice considerably long conversation with daniel yesterday, after being able to steal a bit of time off his busy schedule of mere cleaning of arms. it's a good thing, now that i realised, where we're all heading in our conversation. to be able to converse about mature things such as our future paths, education plans, love life, training matter yadayadayada but at the same time injecting the all so familiar crappiness adds a new dimension to our friendship. though frankly i miss those times back in college or in secondary school where conversations were just simply meaningless, i suppose this is a good thing that we're all growing up in the right and proper way, thank God. which brings me to imagine how life would be like for me when i get back, soon *hinthint*. i mean i remember those random ramblings that francis and i would have along the path back to his home and i stopping at the bus stop for those who were just about to think further than that; as well as those planned meals at nearby white sands. i was just wondering what in the world would we be talking about. maturity is not a bad thing, i've indeed learnt alot, but is it necessarily a good thing if we lose it. thankfully, none of us have lost it yet.

correct me if i'm wrong but recently i've been talking to my budds and i've realised how mellow our conversations were as compared to the hearty chatty chats that we would use to have in the most ungodly hours. marie, the new smu undergrad, mentioned to me before that the guys she knew in school told her that they 'sorta' became more mature after army; simply because they 'had too much time to think about life'. there are implications to this. at the personal level, maybe the suddenly-changed mellow conversations are a result of this "maturity"; maybe as we all "mature" we lose our laughs and just that bit of our personality gets lost in the fray as well. or maybe it has made us hide a certain portion of ourselves from the public eye. i miss those days where we used to have 'hahahaha-s' all the way throughout the conversation or even the random LOL that we used to throw in once in a while. not forgetting the very subjects of school, life, love or work in our daily conversations. does the army really make us mature in this aspect then; make us grow up; or make us any better humans in this society? right now, i'm left wondering whether those who read this, agree with the statement at hand. then again, would this even be considered as "mature"?

i realised how deep i always seem to submerge myself in my mellow train of thoughts as the people around me start to talk about their relationships and what-nots. it seems depressing to be in that frame of mind and no matter how hard i try to conceal it behind an emotionless mask, it always appears apparent to the very source themselves. sometimes being in such a wild world of odd fantasies isn't that bad after all. or so i thought; i've always believed in thinking straight roads out of a whole mess of them, and i suppose it does help- make it worse that is. it's odd isn't it that for a lad like me who has never had a problem with speaking excessively since his primary school days to be silenced at the dreaded topic of relationships. it's not a ploy to garner sympathy from those who are just so willing to share it, simply because first i don't need such sympathy, and secondly i think this whole idea of a ploy is just revolting, period. it's times like these when i start to ask my inner self why do i even allow myself to sink so low just because of some failed attempt. i don't get angry at myself or the other party and neither do i get sorrowful at the thought, i just simply soak myself in the depressing atmosphere. nobody's at fault, not even you.

can someone please tell me if there was yet again another furore regarding the recently concluded PSLE, cause i chanced upon a letter written by some authoritative personnel from the Examinations Board in the Forum page in the Straits Times?

i briefly recall the last time something this major cropped up for a PSLE was way back in the year 2000. that was when i, or rather we were just primary six.

that seemed so long ago until i suddenly recalled of yet another issue regarding the Biology paper in the 2004 O- Levels, and guess what i, or rather we were just secondary six.

and if that seemed closer, i once again self-inflicted a forceful reminder on myself of yet another issue. this time it was related to the Chinese 'A' paper and that took place in the 2006 A- Levels and guess what i or rather, we were just year twos in college.

so looking back at all these timely events,

is there a link that can be derived?

or could it be mere coincidence?

still, it's been such a long while.

have you read the lyrics of

'home' by daughtry?

/I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain/

in about two days' time it would mark the fourth month since my arrival here. after all these days here, money has no longer been the issue. you know how people would gawk upon the knowledge of my allowance cum pay and expect me to stay in taiwan simply for the money? well it has no longer been the case really. i'm not denying that it was not a push factor for me, and for that matter for everyone else who's here, to go overseas but after all these while, you've been away from the familiar home those pressed notes simply don't mean a thing.

/Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all/

i remember how much i wanted to be the few to be able to go overseas after learning from my instructors that a selected few would be chosen eventually. till today i don't believe that coming up here has been mere coincidence or fate but was rather a plan of God for me to live in. everyday i spend here is a new day of fresh opportunities for me to live in His will. well i guessed i did get it all eventually.

/Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

I'm going home/

i guess the chorus just said all that i needed to say,

period.

this is going to be big-
RAWR.

just read off the internet regarding the latest Airbus-380 arriving at Changi Airport and with all the pomp and ceremony i'm feeling the pinch just because i'm not back home to enjoy her arrival. just the excitement of this plane's arrival is just, if i were to exaggerate, overwhelming. so that's cause one for rawr-ing.

as i continued following the news related to the new Singapore Airlines A380 plane, i also, very most unfortunately, found out of their latest suite classes. well if you think first class sounds all posh and glam already, check this out and checked that out i did. imagine a fairly large cubicle all to yourself, with a luxurious bed and a plush mattress for you to lay upon at night during those horrid long haul flights, well that'd be heaven in the skies. watched the promotional videos on the national carrier's website and i must say pride wasn't really the first thing i felt; in fact i felt like crap. here i am sitting on a hard backless stool and there in front of me on the screen is a plush wide-bodied seat. and that would naturally sum up cause two for my rawr-ing.

i still want to join singapore airlines.

and that's cause three.

there we were,

mr lee, mr tan, mr woo and

lieutenant cheok.

sometimes it brings me to wonder when someone i know have decided or rather are deciding to sign on in the armed forces. but everytime i do so i'm also reminded that i once did consider. did is the keyword friends. i did consider before, but i suppose times and situations have changed and since then i have dropped those now-seemingly ridiculous ideas.

thank you francis,

you got me thinking again.

生命太短明日无限远

始终都不比永远这样远

不理会世上长路太多终点太少

木马也要去继续转圈

was on the streets just now

and i just want to say
I MISS YOU

to these people who crossed my mind.

I MISS YOU... mark sim

(after watching some rugby world cup match);

I MISS YOU... kenny

(after realising that my relatives are flying home);

I MISS YOU... rachel

(for all the things you've done for cell, thank you again)

for the others not mentioned,

this was just an on-the-streets thing.

no worries, you guys are not forgotten.

a gust of wind just blew across my window

bringing a handful of brown leaves over here.

then it died,

those leaves actually had tiny brown wings.

HELLO SUPER-TYPHOON.

yet another typhoon arrives;

a super-typhoon to be exact really,

bringing along strong winds and torrential rains.

我仍然还是这么无赖，其实习惯就好了啦。

回归是自然的
只是我的时间还未到。

this is going to sound gay,

but i miss daniel.

you guys back home really have no idea what just one word from you means. it not only reassures us, or at least me, that the people whom i've left back home are not only safe but blessed as well. it reaffirms my position here in this foreign land that i am after all one who is here for a brief stay, neither a citizen nor a permanent resident. it is then justified to say how much i miss you fellas back home whenever you talk to me online, on the phone, or through whatever means that is available to you. you know at times, the silence from you can really drive me nuts and if not being able to see you is bad enough, tell me about not talking to you. everytime we connect, memories of yesterday unrestrainedly come flooding back.

but i do wish that every conversation

we have today be a memory for the future.

i miss all of you back home,

and i look forward to your arrival.

*beams*

Pulsating rhythm pumping on a dizzy head.

Oh, the pain, the dizziness, the oblivious.

Where nothing is revolving,

my head somehow does.

I want to return home, whatever that is,

cause my head really hurts.

Please let it be over,

cause somehow my head does.

*this was completely coined during my pre-knockout moments at Plush using my handphone, whilst sitting on the couch trying really hard to stay awake, lest i fall asleep. a thousand apologies if the grammar and sentence structure of this is just wrong but i think the essence of it is there. somehow i think it's there- enlighten me.

that feeling's coming back again.

creeping in silently, unknowingly.

but this is not the time for such entries, there are others more interesting to share. well, there is to be a massive block off starting this weekend till next thursday all thanks for the specs here in training. so it makes complete sense for everybody here to book out and stay out in where else but taipei. the same goes for me: decided to go for the study in australia education fair this saturday afternoon in taipei with some of the guys here. who knew, or at least i wasn't in the loop, lots were going taipei that night to club, and surprise surprise decided to put my name in the clubbing list.

*faints.

not that i don't want to go, but rather it's more like i'm just rather apprehensive about what to do and for that matter, what not to do there. i mean with all the boozing and dancing in the atmosphere of loud bassy music what the hell am i supposed to do. just clueless really as to the things that i'm supposed to do and all that sort of things- then again, maybe i'm just thinking too much.

i just hope i don't get too drunk,

i just want to spend more time

with people i miss most back home.

to play politics is to

deal with people in an opportunistic, manipulative,

or devious way, as for job advancement.

it would be a joke even for a fool to say that there is no politics in this world. simply, because there is. throughout the course of history, mankind has waged wars, literally and figuratively, with their own race all for the sake of advancement and progress, and you can bet your dollar, they did. if not for politics, there would be no resentment neither would there be satisfaction, and without these can we dare say that we are, then, lack of a range of emotions and thus making us less human in that sense?

i'm making this sound as if it's not the fault of humans to play politics, and at this point i do believe that that is true. the blame should be heavily put on the shoulders of mankind, only when politics is played deliberately, purposefully, with greedy intents. and for such people, they should be treated with much contempt, condemned in its full definition and for that matter be sent back to where he came from.

i do hope i have made my point clear

though i do hope you don't go home.

my blog died for a few days

but thank God it's revived again.

havent been online these few days due to the numerous outfields and details i have been going for the past few days and it's made something foreign, such as sleeping at 2300h every night, so common suddenly. frankly, it's a miracle i'm even online right now considering that i have yet another detail out to the airport at 0630h tomorrow morning.

well one good news though, the specs are going real soon and while that may sound like good news to my military ears it doesn't mean well for my personal self. cause that would mean that my bmt mates here are going home already. and that means sad goodbyes- LOL.

then again,

THE CADETS ARE COMING

and that means more friends arriving

along with more work and nonsense.

debbo sent me an email and it's really heartening to see that she's adapting well, at least to my perception, to the new environment there. but there was one thing that she said that i felt closely related to- and if she allows, she better, me to quote:

"You have no idea how reassuring

hearing from some of you can be."

the typhoon's here
so it means a day off for me

tomorrow, the madness resumes.

surfed around the blogs of the familiars and chanced upon this rather interesting entry by my senior from whom i learnt the ropes of being the gam then; otherwise known as my upperstudy in military terms; whose name is adrian, regarding yet another senior's accomplishment in the local arts scene.

kudos to ben tan and his beautiful video "Remember Me".

thank you for livening up this seemingly dormant arts scene which hardly gets much notice. that is unless things have vastly and rapidly changed since i went overseas two months ago. though i'm just sure, not even half or three-quarters certain, just sure that nothing has changed and all the industry needs right now is people like our dear mr benjamin tan.

it's still odd calling you benjamin rather than the good ol' ben tan that we used to call during those memorable wild college days. well we all got to get used to it cause an up and coming producer is coming our way!

watch his videos at: http://www.youtube.com/whimsicalworks

at least people from the arts scene win medals

others from 'other' scenes just don't

even with all those monetary incentives.

wake up your idea la.

someone's on a date today

someone asked me about mine

fact is, i don't have one. but he didn't believe me. nope not a single bit did he believe me until i told him of my situation, rather my present location to be more precise. and then he understood. he's always saying the nicest things that ears would beg to hear, but i'm still going to leave this issue to the Lord and pray for the best. but for the next couple of years i shall remain a bachelor. so for these few years of singlehood i'm going to make these days so exciting that till the day i've found a partner i can always look back and lament excessively of the freedom lost.

someone's flying off again

someone asked me when i'll be back.

fact is, i do want to join the carrier. but whether or not the Lord aids me in this, that's largely up to him but i do pray that i get the job. heck the politics and heck the tiresome nature of it, flying is what i love and flying is what i intend to do. at least for that few years until they reject the old ducks. as for when i will ever get the chance to ride in the carrier again, we shall see; though i hope it's soon. but ride in a foreign carrier i will soon. the latest would be april next year but if al goes well, i do hope it does, i may be back earlier. as to the actual dates that i will return i shall keep mum for now, so don't be too wildy surprised to be standing next to you just like how we used to in our yesteryears.

sipping on my mango crushed ice with mild-blended mango bits on top in this cafe, it's nice to reminscence on the things that i have left behind and by doing so it has only made me realised where home is and what home holds for me. the things that the Lord has blessed me with has only been made apparent in the light of all that has happened.

in the taiwan light

do i now see the singaporean in me.

there was definitely

an atmosphere of nostalgia back there.

watching the sunset as we headed back to camp from a long recce trip up the mountains it reminded me a lot of the many sunsets that i used to watch down at east coast park back home. an easterner from birth i have seen sunrises and sunsets of many sorts in all weather.

but the memorable ones were spent with my loves.

those sweet escapades to the beach were common when i was just a small kid. together with cousin debra we always brought our spades and pails and cups and other odd shapes to create our very own sandcastles right there. just two cups of sand on top of a pail of sand was all that made our day.

that, was simplicity in the sunset.

running along the sandy coasts with fellow victorians by my side we kept one another busy with the nonsense that simply could not hold us down. pacing one another on the concrete pavements, friendships grew and soon that fraternity grew. just a pair of shoes with a VICTORIA emblazoned singlet was all that we needed.

that, was perspiration in the sunset.

sitting at the table with vjchoir and the burning aroma of food lingering in the air did set the mood for heart talks. despite the wild bridging and random standup games there was always a sense of organisation, even though it was not always accompanied with sanity. finishing the night with a song of unity and strength always leaves us speechless, simply lost in the mixed emotions. just a yearning heart and an intent ear just made that moment special.

that, was unity in the sunset.

when i am back, will i get to play with you in the sands?

will i get to run with you down the concrete footpaths?

will i get to have a hearty chat of all sorts with you?

all these i want to do in the orange glow of sunsets.

24"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and HE DETERMINED THE TIMES SET FOR THEM and the EXACT PLACES WHERE THEY SHOULD LIVE. 27God did this so that SO THAT MEN WOULD SEEK HIM and perhaps REACH OUR FOR HIM and FIND HIM, though HE IS NOT FAR AWAY FROM US. 28'For in him we live and move and have our being.

.

the very thing i was looking for,

Praise You Father.

let that day draweth nigh
- the blessed day where you
pass through the gates
and freedom is yours to hold;
my only regret and disappointment
is not to see those binding forces
lose its hold over you,
but to tell you in the face
how much of a friend you are;
how much of a Brother you are to me.

that day is coming soon, david.
take care and we'll meet in due time.

i really want to run

but i really need to find the motivation
will you be my motivation?

wow, i just received an email from jobscentral.com introuducing the naval engineering officer job and i was immediately reminded of good ol' david back home. wondering when he's flying off to london to continue with his tertiary studies there at prestigious cambridge and when i'd ever even see him again. now that i'm here and he's at home, the fact that i'm unable to send my dear ol' brother off at the airport disappoints me simply because i am not sure when i'd ever see him again. even when i'm back for good, he will still be there. well time will pass i'm sure and he'll be back so i'm guessing everybody's looking forward to that.

just that he'll be a SIR for a few years

and i, on the other hand, a MISTER.

smile there, kan.

i have slept for ony 14 hours in three days.

and in four days, i would have done two guard duties.

with all this training frames,

it's just a matter of time

that i faint and be ill.

on a lighter note,

mateys from home are here for their frames.

seeing them here is only a luxury

that the Lord has kindly blessed me with.

and i will treasure these times.

my stay here is only made comfortable

with the knowledge that my loved ones

and friends are safe and blessed at home.

it somehow makes all these work and frames

NONSENSE.

nonsense la you.

the analogy

you will never understand the full meaning of the word 'miss'. it doesn't mean that when you have been distanced from that particular thing, for example food, you have missed that item. it's only convenient for you to say that in a response to your mental being, just in order to keep yourself going whenever you feel like you 'miss' that thing, whatever it is.

take for example you, a foreigner living in an unknown land who has been obviously distanced from your local cuisin due to various reasons which includes the availability and price of the item. then suddenly with modern technology you were given a plate of local cuisine; its aroma mixed with the taste brings about a sudden bout of euphoria within. you slowly pick up your cutlery set and begin the savoring adventure. at the first touch to your lips, you feel the familiar warm sensation and as it kisses your tongue, your taste buds have been awoken to a loc al calling. with every subsequent bite you take you enjoy and savour every moment, even if the entire process takes minutes or hours, every moment just seems endless and forever at that instant. very soon that plate of local cuisine is finished, every scrap and morsel licked up and cleaned. you have enjoyed the meal.

but yet somehow you feel a sense of nostalgia. in fact, nostalgia is a word that is simply too simplistic in its sense and is not inclusive enough. you sit there, rooted, disappointed, and unable to enjoy that familiar sensation anymore, but yet deep within your soul has been satisfied. it's not like you would want to rush back to your native land just because of one dish but it's this 'miss' that makes you linger on; wanting only more. however you have done all to savour the moment, but a time will come where everything will end. finish; stop. the feeling ends there, but the memory lives on.

i'm just glad that i'm the one who savoured the food,

and not being the food itself.

the army half marathon took place this morning and i'm rather sure all of my army mates would have ran the distances made available. i will never run the 21km distance; then again maybe i would- in a million instalments. IF i were still home, i'd have at least ran the 10km; after all my unit did train us.

then again, who cares?

i'm not home yet.

victoria chorale's In Song concert is on tonight. guess they should be at the end of the first half by now i suppose. wishing them all the best in remembering their words and everything on the score (huh, marie?). they should be fine, real fine tonight i hope. i wish i'm right. i think i'll be right. i miss singing in a choir- with all your best mates round you singing in unison, wow.

RAWR: basically,

i miss vjchoir :)

just a short snippet of the conversation paul and i had in the lift at the grand hyatt taipei; we were going down to the basement carpark from the main lobby at the first level.

(notice no one else talks in the lift)

darren: is it b1 or b2?

paul: is it b1 or b2?

darren: b1 or b2?

paul: b1 or b2?

BOTH: b2.

Lift stops at b1,

an adult couple walks out.

Just when the doors are about to close,

they said-

husband: is it b1 or b2?

wife: i don't know.

.
Doors Closes.
.

why do adults have to act as if they know everything?

i had:

one packet of dumplings

one packet of chocolate eclairs

one small tub of yogurt,

and if i do get FAT

- it's all thanks to 7-11

typhoon has hit us already this morning and from what i saw it wasn't exactly a preety sight. this was of course all thanks to the nincimpoop duty officer who had not the slightest idea how to use the fax machine here, this occurring still even though he's been here for one of the longest times. so after doing all that i needed to do, or rather doing all that he was Supposed to do, i popped my head out of the reception room and could feel the immense weight blowing right smack into my cheeks.

my chubby little cheeks.

haha, i cannot believe i'm actually going to put that up. but whatever it is, the fact is that the wind produced by the typhoon was uber strong. this took place at around 0800h. by the way singapore and taiwan are within the same time zones so don't bother me by asking what time is it in singapore when i experienced all that.

-hmph.

really really strong winds there were, but as usual, sleep is of utmost importance and thus i shut the doors and went back to bed. throughout part two of my sleep episode, i could distinctly hear the doors and metal shutters banging away. that obviously caused me to rustle in sleep but as i said sleep is of utmost importance. finally woke up at around noon just in time for lunch and i guess by then the typhoon has already gone by, not much of a strong wind and rain as i walked over to the cookhouse for my meals. slight drizzling and that was all.

all to the aftermath,

that is.

the reality of the true strength of the wind only dawned upon me way a few hours after lunch where i walked over to the basketball court cum carpark where i conveniently found the basketball hoop stand nicely fallen to the ground at the other end of the park. it moved horizontally across the park hit the kerb and then well, fell over. this stand i'm referring to is the basketball metal stand with wheels that you see in school, i think. haha. but imagine that. just moved across the park by its own, all thanks to typhoon sepat.

now i still cannot go out

and it's once again,

ALL THANKS TO SEPAT.

yet another typhoon's approaching our way, and yes the skies are getting darker. actually from what i saw this evening the clouds turned a dirty mellow yellow basked in the setting sun. i was just wondering, maybe the sky isn't turning darker/ maybe instead of water evaporating, something else, that's dirty yellow in colour and bodily probably, could be taking its place.

well it was worth a guess,

wasn't it?

but yes, nonetheless a typhoon is coming our way and apparently the forecasters have all unified and proclaimed the intensity of this approaching one as one that is probably disastrous. how much that is true, well we have to wait and see won't we?

mother nature and

her guessing games

can be really deadly.

even if it doesn't stir the winds here, its presence has already been felt in the office. welcome to typhoon-struck office: where all plans have been postponed causing frantic fingers to start dialling long stretches of numbers. current casualty numbers given by officials have been given to be nought; however there has been a sudden surge in stress levels in all affected personnel.

darling, give me a break.

get me a kit-kat,

NOW.

it's an odd day

can't really say much about it.
it's just odd.

all this stemmed from

a failed pictorial insertion.

as such, i went blogskin hunting and found myself a decent looking, not to mention bright, orange-clad skin for my blog. only to be dismayed by my deep sentiments i had for my current old black. somehow or rather i still like how the white stands out from the black and how it all remains to be that stark.

a good representation of

the facts of life.

so then i decided against changing it and instead added on a new archive segment so that i can always refer back to my lovely typography of white against black. oh please, don't give me that look. if you know me as a bloggerman i just refuse to type in an entry that shouts out to the world about my mundane life, nonono absolutely not. i just refuse to. so what you see up here are just several facets of my life that i wish to put up for display to the rest of the cyber-community for whatever they purpose they read or use it for, i'm not at all concerned.

my blog is me.

HA, and that's that.

harry and dean

swarms of images flew past me

amidst the darkness surrounding.

.

a voice,

yes i heard one.

one that caused the air to turn still

as the two figures moved silently

inside.

.

one more appeared

and the other vanished,

the secrets of the departed

left together with him;

unknown till the very end.

.

what seemed as two

soon became a different two

as the settings changed to a beautiful hall

filled with chandeliers and polished floors.

hand, warm against the cold skin

it was hard not to foresee

where this road will lead.

.

i have lost,

given up all hopes

in the bid of not losing one

and gaining the other.

.

oh,

the overwhelming darkness

.

bright lights filled my senses

and i got down on my knees

praying that whatever i saw

will never happen,

never ever happen.

.

spare me this agony,

i pray.

SAI LA

i'm currently down with the virus that apparently has infected quite a number of people. AM TERRIBLY SORRY TO THE PEOPLE I HAVE INFECTED, IT REALLY WASN'T INTENTIONAL. i mean if you know anything about trojan viruses and its equivalent, you would know how quick it can pass on and cause that widespread damage.

.

screw it.

trying so hard to find a cure and the fact that i'm thousands of miles away from the land which speaks predominantly english- i do mean singapore not the states or anywhere else, doesn't really help in saving me the trouble of finding the cure online.

RAR,

i really really need to scream. this laptop is like the only personal thing that i can use to get myself attached to the rest of the world and now this. i need a miracle. a technical miracle. but first let me scream.

please lend me your ears.

"so then i thought, i'd like you to have something to remember my by, you know, if you meet some Veela when you're doing whatever you're doing."

'i think dating opportunities are going to be pretty thin on the ground, to be honest.'

'there's the silver lining i've been looking for,' she whispered,

and then she kissed him

as she had never kissed him before...

.
.
.
paragraphs taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
copyright, thanks jk.

guessing the parade back home should have ended by now already and i'm still here overseas serving my country nonetheless. it's odd really to know that your country is celebrating her independance and all that load of history and here you are overseas, still retaining your singaporean identity, but not participating in this year's national day parade. the epitome of our pride and public display of our loyalty to this nation. interesting isn't it don't you think?

i mean, you wouldn't know
i'm more like telling you this.

i can understand how our locals based overseas feel especially during these periods which call for national unity. i mean it's not like we don't want to get involved in the celebrations but it's more like we don't see the need to. the need to get all hyped up for a celebration that's taking place thousands of kilometres away from where we are. maybe that's something the people up there can look into. well it's just my two cents worth.

take it or leave it.

went to zhongli night market just now, and yes i'm at 7-11 now AGAIN, and got myself a nice pair of puma shoes. buying things here now becomes more of a necessity rather than an action of leisure. so that should justify the shoes purchase, i think. "in a bid to say i'm right about this" but more importantly at the night market we ate quite a bit and one of the dishes we had was this claypot rice sort of dish, we call it yao mei fan back home but they just call it 油饭 here. what was distinct about this was it's close smell and taste resemblance to what my grandma used to cook for us when i was just a small boy. it brought back a lot of sweet memories of yesterday flooding back to mind.

that was all in the past.

so was my version of harry and cho.

i'm guessing at this time right now back home in singapore, those stay-in army personnel would be heading home, less those on guard duty (those poor things). i, on the other hand, am at my regular net-surfing domain: 7-11. considering that there is no work for the next four days, all thanks to the national day holiday declared here as well as a whole-camp-forced-to-take-off on friday, so basically we have a really really long weekend to enjoy. and if not for my guard duty on saturday, i'd have already left for taipei and stayed out.

now, that's what i mean by stay out

you simplistic people back home.

we're actually bracing ourselves for yet another typhoon. i'm wondering whether the media back home actually mentioned the last one in the local news considering the fact that there were no deaths, thankfully; but the last one missed us, us referring to my camp here. we're all rather sure it hit at least one camp down south after all the extensive news coverage on this recent typhoon. without saying, the next one is also generating a lot of attention in the media. to 'update' you about the latest news, the typhoon is heading towards us right now at this instant and was formed just east of the philippines. current projections indicate a direct hit here, but we'd have to wait and see for that. you know how these natural things can have a sudden twist to its path, literally.

nevertheless, i'm anticipating hard winds in my face soon.

you know about this typhoon thing, a part of me want it to hit here and no, i'm not being sadistic and neither am i some nonsensical clown who derives joy from seeing people fly away in the wind. gone with the wind, they call it. and yet another part of me don't want it to come. the former because i want to experience this typhoon phenomenon which doesn't as you'd have realised occur very frequently or for that matter, not even once, in singapore. exhilirating ride- yippeee. and the latter feeling simply due to the unknown circumstances, the wrath that mother nature can bring forth to this land.

alas, i have chosen.

exhilirating ride that is.

Candidates are to report at the cookhouse 10 minutes before the start of the examination.

.

Candidates from the administrative department are reminded to bring their pens as it is part of the standard conduct for all clerical staff; other candidates can remain oblivious to this ruling.

.

Candidates are to be properly attired in their uniform, whatever that is.

.

Candidates should turn over the question booklet only as soon as they receive it, regardless of the time they do so.

.

Candidates are reminded that this is after all an official examination and as such, all discussions and cheating are allowed even if they are caught by the examiner.

.

Candidates should remember to check their answers with their buddies before submission of their papers, after all what are buddies for?

.

whatever those rules are,

i passed the test.

on other news, a typhoon is coming

and it about to hit us tonight

.

for these two matters, one word i must say:

YAY.

pariah la.

went to this internet cafe to surf net there after a filling lunch comprising of steak and crab-burgers, thinking i'd spend the entire afternoon there chatting on msn. alas, it failed me. tried to get on for the longest time, an hour or so to be exact and all the computer could tell me was that my default gateway was offline. PARIAH LA. how can my defaukt gateway be offline when i have not meddled with any of the internet connections or done anything to it since i went online two days ago? feeling cheated by technology i decided to go to my old trusted friend 7-11 to surf.

so here i am.

i just need to get that off my chest.

two words for QK internet cafe:

PARIAH LA.

我猜对了，

你仍然还在幻想中。

当我跟你讲话时，你能不能够了解我现在的感受？

但遗憾的是因为我们的路从当时以再也没有什么共同点，

我是无法把心事让您知道，更何况了解他。

其实你还当我的朋友，我已够满足了。

到了这个时候，我根本无法陶太多。

你到底要我们有个同志感，

还是要把我们给分开？

我到这个时候还是搞不清。

things don't just come and go you know
they hit you in the face and
expect you to face up to reality;
thing is, they just choose to remain
in that small corner of your mind,
visible solely to the eyes
of your wildest imagination.

that is the source of all questions
whose answers i do not seek

with the headphones on

and the music pumped,

pre-vjc days pass through

the grey matter.

i dream, and dreamed i did

back to that history making day

where the nation crowned her

first idol, i was at home

- mesmorised not by him

but by them. vjchoir.

feeling just so darn proud

of people whom i didn't know

but yet had great admiration

and awe for them, i couldn't help

but want to join them even

before i joined the school.

the credits played soon afterward

and that name slowly but constantly

moved up the screen. vjc.

now i sit here facing the street

a foreigner in the unknown

yet with the headphones still on

and the music pumping the drums

thoughts still flow through the matter.

that's the power of a song;

i do miss vjchoir.

issues that need mending

questions that need answers

but i'm always reminded that it is

only without the entry,

my existence here is

made known and felt.

looking back at the path

that has been laid out for me

i'm glad that this has been

the chosen path -

no regrets and no hard feelings

thank you Lord.

happy hour with all the booze.

duty tonight though.
`rawr

after reading francis's last entry about walking down memory lane and all that personal-seemingly unfamiliar terms, i couldn't help but post this entry immediately. well almost immediately; that was after i had to confirm that msn works again and to find out who in the world are online cause that's what this entire entry is going to be all about- my roots, my family and my friends back home.

somehow i have this odd feeling
that this is going to be
my most personal post
since being based here
about a month ago.

a month ago! seems long but really time here seemed so short, and even if the geography of this country did matter i can safely assure you that it didn't. making new friends and knowing new people was all part of this based-in-taiwan-package but yet the most painful part, and probably the most forgetable part, is that we leave our loved ones behind. after all this time here, i have come to realise that the former seems so much more important simply because of the fact that since you're going to be here for a year, building up on these relationships are definitely going to matter for the longest time. well please forgive me if i upset you but not without you hearing this next part. even though i may feel this way, it doesn't mean that i have forgetten the people i have left back home.

was reminded of the people i've left back home after reading francis's blog, thus this entry and cannot stop but reminiscence. student days of yesteryear comes falling back into the empty pockets of memory and really twelve years of being in school really makes the filling up fast. though i can't remember much about my lower primary school days i do have some fond memories of them as well. school, homework ( upgrade that to tutorials in jc ), ccas, coffee joints-hangout and not forgetting those really random eats we had in between lessons or right after choir practice or maybe just going out to burger king to grab a bite cause we wanted to meet up?

all that and more i have not forgetten.

besides this, the fact that we're sending people off to whatever country they're studying in reminds me of the inescapable fact that we've all grown up. as much as i miss those days, our lives still carry on and we will all move on from our present state. some have gone ocs, others have gone sispec while some remain as the men. anyway, ever wondered why we were called men? go think about it. the ladies will move on, if not have already done so, to their new university life whilst the eight-eight gentlemen are still carrying on. kennick's going to aussie this year whilst wenhao's already there pursuing medicine. edwin and jon gan are both doing medicine local whilst cousin debra's going kings to do law. from francis's blog, fawn's off to switz while kin to cornell. david's going cambridge to do engineering and really the list can just go on and on. i only mentioned the people in my batch and have not included even the people who are planning to go overseas. we definitely have all grown, time waits for no man, that i'm reminded.

where will everybody go from here;

where will we end up;

how will we end up eventually?

- get a degree

get married

have kids

career prospers

have grandkids

the possibilities are endless.

my friends back home:

one thing's for sure,

i'm just really glad our lives

crossed paths once

and i do pray that it will not just cross

but run parallel till no end.

somebody help me

i'm a fan of chinese music now.

there doesn't seem to be any sign of rain

AND it's really bloddy hot.

reason being that even though it's night time now, the weather station reported a 30.9 degrees celsius right here where we are. actually the report is for a city down south of us, but it's not bery far off so the fact remains- it's just bloddy hot. damn it, even when we're back home in lovely HOT singapore the sun still gives in to us. right here where the sun is harsh, it burns literally. what's more, we went for our usual run today under a temperature of 40degrees. what do you make of that!

simply put, it's just bloddy hot.

winter hurry up can or not?

.

right now,

i just want to hold your hands;

cause when i do,

nothing in this world matters.