Today while walking out for lunch, there was a strange question that stirred in my heart. And the question goes: If God has given me the gift of faith just like the talent the Master gave His servant, then what in the world am I doing with this gift? Have I been like the first servant who used it and gotten back twofold; or have I been like the last servant who hid his talent in the ground for fear that the Master will lose all when He returns?
It was an intriguing question.
And if this wasn't strange enough, another strange stirring came upon me; only this time, it was in the form of an unexplainable 'confused' expectation. I use the word 'confused' only because this expectation is not really formulated as of yet. It's more like a nagging feeling... A very hazy nagging feeling. But the expectation went something like this: If I were to use this gift of faith to pray for the upcoming church camp (Crux and Unify) and pray fervantly for it, something awesome's gonna happen during those six days in camp. And I say this because of two reasons really. Firstly, because like the people in the Bible who prayed and asked fervantly it was given unto them, hence in the same way as it was done in the Word, it will be done today. Secondly, it is simply because I'm using the very gift that the Lord has given to me. Somewhere else in the Word it says that to the person who has, more shall be given. If I were to use this gift of faith and pray up a storm for this camp, OH MY, I'll be growing from "strength to strength, faith to faith".
I've made up my mind. And that is to exercise this gift of faith that He has so, so richly blessed me with. Even as I type this out, there's a strange strength, energy and excitement that runs through my fingers. WOOHOO.
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It hurts me so much to see my kid upset. Such is the pain of a parent; at the same time, such is the Joy of a parent too. I had a chat with him last night about his disappointing loss in his match the day before. He felt it wasn't the best he played and was so distraught, he didn't even want to talk to me about it on the same day of his loss. We had a chat which transpired just a few minutes ago and I was helping him process his thoughts, emotions and perhaps lessons from the Lord.
Turned out that perhaps the Lord's teaching him how to trust in Him more -- it's a lesson He taught me today as I fell into sin again. Perhaps the same question I posed to him -- a question I didn't even plan for -- can be extended to myself [and perhaps you out there]: Where is God in all that had just transpired? Where is God in all of whatever you're doing now? Or just simply, where is God?
We tend to put so much confidence in our own flesh -- body, strength, racket/ swim/ ball strokes, mental energy -- and then base our efforts and claim our 'best' based on these fleshy attributes. So on one hand we believe so much in ourselves, and on the other we say God is sovereign in all things. How then do we connect both thoughts together? If we believe in ourselves, then to some extent we believe that we can do all things regardless of God; and if we believe that God's sovereign, how come we find it hard to take that in when we lose?
And so here's how I connect them both.
Simply, our 'best' should never be based on our fleshy attributes but on the very strength, power and ability of God. That being said, it would also mean that our very presence or being at the game/ competition/ contest/ match is in itself our 'best' toward God. If we believe that we can do all things THROUGH God, then surely, our strength, power, ability must stem from Him and Him alone isn't it? Moreover, God's not just a giver of gifts, He IS the gift and what's more this gift now resides in us! No wonder the Bible says we can do all things THROUGH God! The question then is, where then have we gotten this mixed up? Perhaps because we tend to put so much emphasis on our training and drills and forgotten completely what the Lord can do in and through us! It's much like studying really; sometimes, we ought to do what we NEED and CAN do, and then before the battle begins "Be still and know that He is God".
My heart still aches for that boy; he really does have a soft spot in my heart, like my other two boys and kids. But somehow I know that the Lord is in control and more than ever, He's teaching them and in the process of it, encouraging and comforting them, even mentoring them just as He is doing ever so patiently with me. Such situations only remind me that as a mentor over my boys and a leader over my kids, I ought to make much of God and not of me. Christ is the Great High Shepherd! Christ is the Great I Am! Christ is the Master, Teacher and Lord! Christ is God and Christ is gloriously awesome!
"What is man that you should be mindful of him?": He is mindful of us -- me and you -- even though He has no reason to do so. That's the unfathomable love of Christ for us. That is that unfathomable love of God for me.
