i just walked out of my literature lecture today feeling some sense of emptiness. It left me wondering why. Perhaps it was the film Persona that left me pretty speechless, both in a good and bad way. Or maybe it's because I'm getting jaded from school and the system. Perhaps it is the fatigue that has accompanied me since Monday. Perhaps . . . Perhaps . . . Perhaps . . .

I've never liked the concept of the unknown. Or worse yet, the concept of what could have been. Come to think of it, the worst is possible the concept of what should have been.

ah, yes. the process of rationalisation has kept me sane. That broke my train of irrationality and emo-ness.

Think rational dude, that's the only way to keep sane.

Singapore's Strange Logic

Yesterday evening I went to a friend's place at Serangoon for Bible Study. To get there, I had to exit at the station on the Circle Line. Serangoon having 2 'different' stations situated on different train routes were linked via a short linkway. It was at this linkway, that I noticed the strangest logic of Singaporeans.

In this linkway, there is a travellator which technically is supposed to aid in the movement of mass blocks of people especially during the rush hour. What was strange and ironical here was the massive jam caused at the entrance to the travellator. People queued just to get onto the moving piece of steel instead of walking down the gently sloped floor. Goodness, people were that lazy to even walk down as opposed to walking up. And there weren't even stairs; it was simply a gently sloped floor.

I admit, I was one of the lazy ones.

So on the travellator, I was quite surprised to see a line of people standing to their left creating this nice passageway for people rushing to board the train over at the Circle Line. Within seconds since I 'boarded' the moving steel, I saw people walking down the right lane. I turned around and there I saw, hardly anyone standing static and holding the handrails as the law requires them to do. Everybody was brisk walking down the runway. It was past 7pm and the Little Nonya has finished its run already, so why the rush? Is Singapore literally a fast-paced society?

I admit, I joined in the fray - wanted to know what was it like to blend in with the crowd and not stick out like a sore thumb. The feeling of keeping up with the pace, since there were people less than an arm's length away from me, was pretty exhilarating. I don't believe I'm actually saying this, but I think I was somewhat stressed; Or at least, I was pressured.

What was even more strange here was that in all that relatively mad rush, as opposed to the calm state of those who choose to abide by the law and hold the handrail, they suddenly stopped. And it wasn't as if the travellator was coming to its end. No, there was at least still a good fifteen to twenty metres away from its destination, when the whole chunk of us stopped in our tracks. I could not see what was blocking us from moving. Even if it was a pram or a wheelchair, surely there would be ample room for us to stream in a line past them in the express right lane?

It was the strangest logic of Singaporeans I thought to myself. A mad rush for something and at the most inappropriate times, even if it was minutes from reaching/ attaininment, we somehow stop and rest. Shouldn't we press on further and finish whatever we need to complete?

This is the country I've lived in.

And this country bewilders me at times.

Singapore's Strange Logic.

Our Strange, Unique Logic.

I was reading the news article concerning parents up in arms over the recent PSLE mathematics paper, and my only response to that article was... "GET USED TO IT."

It brings back memories of My year's PSLE mathematics paper which had parents up in arms as well (seems like parents love that little arm exercise just to lambast the state eh). If I'm not mistaken, my year was the first year the paper was too difficult for the students to handle. Then again, if you look at it from the state's perspectives, my batch was the much-talked-about '88 Dragon batch so perhaps the rationale for the high level of difficulty was to do an easier streaming process.

(brings back thoughts of inequality, but that's another topic altogether)

Back to this year's paper, hey face it. There's the use of a calculator, parents should have obviously known that the standard would at least be slightly harder considering that the child now can use an additional calculative brain, so to speak, to aid him/her in the exams. DUH, the paper would be difficult. SO GET USED TO IT.

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Besides, it's not as if this is the first time such a "arm-raising" exercise has happened over a PSLE paper. Come to think of it, it's JUST the PSLE paper; there's a whole road of opportunities for any child after those 4 papers. And with all the new schemes coming up, even if you go to a Normal (Academic) Stream, do well enough prove your worth and get promoted to the Express Stream. Same thing for the Normal (Technical) kids. Back in my time, there wasn't anything like that. So make full use of it for goodness sake.

(brings back thoughts of meritocracy and pragmatism)

Besides, parents ought to remember that at the PSLE or whatever national exam it may be, there's always moderation. There's the elusive bell-curve. So it doesn't matter if you get 50% cause if you're the top of your cohort, then hey you get your A* (goodness, even this term sounds ancient to me). SO PARENTS: TAKE A CHILL PILL MAN! HAVE SOME CONFIDENCE IN YOUR KIDS. STOP PROTECTING THEM >> THEY GOTTA LEARN HOW TO SURVIVE IN THIS HARSH SINGAPORE ACADEMIC LANDSCAPE.

(brings back thoughts of inequality & meritocracy again)

Urgh, Sociology's screwing my brain.

woots! my God is faithful and true.

what a promise that is!

I managed to complete my literature essay as well as two presentations this week so that means... WORK FOR THIS WEEK IS CLEARED! shiok. To think that I only worked on my literature paper last night, and to have it finished by this afternoon just before tutorial started, That is a testimony of His grace and providence. I thought I gave my best shot for the lit essay, considering that I've never taken lit before and for that matter, also considering my busy schedules.

I serve an Amazing God.

God's been good, so good.

This morning, I had my group presentation on education and class. It went fantastic. A classmate commented I gave the impression that I wanted to speak so badly since the recess week just from my opening line. I say, it's the Lord who gave me those words.

Then I started to think about my personality traits as suggested from the DISC-survey which we did during the JCRC retreat. In fact I did a bit of future planning this morning whilst in the shower. "What exactly did I want to be in the future/ What were my career options or aspirations?" Questions like these rushed through my head. (I noticed I'm starting to sound strange with all this talk, but hey it did happen, and perhaps just perhaps, I am strange). I thought of friend who did the same survey as I did, and considered his career aspirations (since he had candidly shared with me once) for him. I believe he will do awesome in that aspired career. What about me, then?

Full time ministry did not cross my mind then, in fact it was the History Channel one that I was thinking about (not that I want that job, but it's just a thought that my long-time friend currently working in America put in my head). Often, I've told myself that I never wanted to stay in Singapore in the first place; if ever given the chance to work overseas, I will pack and leave. After all, the only things holding me grounded here is my family and kids.

Come to think of it, I recall last sunday's sermon about God using the little things that we have and makes them big, and worthy for His use. No small thing is too small for God nor big thing too big for God, He is more than able to bring me through this week, and the coming years ahead.

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Where God leads, I will go.

(but I do hope it's overseas)

when has chatting on facebook been a sin?

friends out there, don't be strange.

I know I should really be sleeping, but I had to blog about this.

Today, for the first time ever (I believe), all 8 leaders were present for dinner! I must commend everyone for taking time off their busy schedules to make it for this dinner. (I sound like I'm the DL - sorry Greg - but hey I'm just simply thrilled to see everybody present at the table) It's not like common at all for us to gather in this manner, I mean even support group has a relatively poorer attendance rate compared to tonight's dinner turnout. So, well done ya'll.

On a seperate note, I decided to walk from the interchange back home. And as always, I started to talk to myself. I'm strange I know, but paradoxically I think by doing so I keep myself level-headed, perhaps even sane. Things started to fall into its rightful places and priorities were both strengthened and fixated. I know where I should stand on certain issues, and I now have the faith to believe that God will see me through.

I never thought much about where our journey will lead us to, and after tonight I realise I shouldn't even be thinking about it. We're just partners, distinctly seperated, walking down the same road, enjoying each other's company. I don't want to know, neither do I need to know where and when that road will take us to. But what I do know is that such company is hard to come by and I hope you'd treasure it as much as I do. We are after all, two (happy?) partners whose journeys have seemed to cross and perhaps merge.

With that, I shall end here and go straight to bed.