Thursday, April 12, 2012

the call.

The way to social change is not to change, even revolutionise, the social system but by teaching and empowering our youths in realising that they too can make a difference in someone else's life.
I just went for my last Medical Sociology lecture and it was bloddy depressing considering the social structure of Singapore. We are not only class-conscious but also class-anxious. Let's not even talk about having quality of life if we can't even survive with the capital we have or will earn. We are anxious for the future and the strangely, the hope that we'd do better than our parents' generation still lurks mysteriously in our optimistic mind.

Marx was over-simplistic --- the social structure cannot be changed overnight. I wonder then what the hell am I studying Sociology for. I remember feeling this way when I took an Economic Sociology module; seems like nothing has changed huh. And here I am faced with the dilemma of deciding to work as an educator or to pursue a post-graudate degree, I still wonder where's my place in the world.

So I come to my conclusion: since I cannot possibly revolutionise the world and change the social structure, start small and begin with the youths. Whatever I choose --- to study or to work --- immediately after graduation, will definitely be about educating our youths and empowering them to begin their own mini-revolutions themselves. Of course the question I ought to ask then is: Which group of students should I educate --- High School, Pre-University or College?

Father, reveal more and more of Your plan for me. I know you're calling me into teaching, into the education profession. But I pray you show me, increasingly, the group of youths you want me to empower most effectively. Empowerment doesn't stem from me but from You; I am but Your conduit and I'm only honoured to be considered as one. Show me Lord, show me.

Remember this Darren, remember this.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

will you?

Today's one of those days where you just don't feel like talking to anyone and simply, well, be alone. I reckon people will question my emotional state but really I just don't feel like talking. Funny thing about it all is how even though I don't want to talk, I do wish to be around people; ah, the irony of it all: to want to be alone yet be around people. It's one of those lil' ironies of the heart (I believe) that I'm pretty sure some can relate to. Maybe what I need is some time alone by the sea, look out into the horizon and contemplate the goodness and mercies of God. But that time alone ought to be shared with another; here's where I believe a true friend is darn important. He need not speak much, he only needs to be there. A true friend's presence is more than enough comfort for me.

There isn't a need to ask, neither is there a need to explain. Because honestly, I don't have any answer for the reasons of my current state. It's also not because I don't want to share; it's really because I have no answer for myself.

I'm not complaining about helming leaders' cell tonight; I'm also not complaining about needing to submit three assignments during and immediately after the Good Friday - Easter holiday weekend. I take joy in these things when they come my way and I don't even consider them trials and tribulations. So it's not what I have to do that's causing this; in fact, I don't think there is a real need to find that answer.

Perhaps this is the answer I need --- a song I was singing while walking home from the bus stop.
"Deep in my soul is a tug-of-war
I'm struggling to know what this life is for;
I try so hard to stay in control
- to hold back the tears, to not let go.
I don't know why I hang on so long
when I know the question you are asking me.

(and it goes)

"Will you worship?
Will you bow down
- before your Lord and King?
Will you love me
- will you give me your heart,
your everything?"

tis' my prayer: take my cup, fill it up and make me whole // thy will be done, not mine // for thine is the kingdom, power and glory forever and ever // amen.

Monday, April 02, 2012

'nuff said, men can be as insecure as women.

so stop treating men to be some hard-up,
solid, tough, macho dood cause they're not;

I'm not.

just listen and hear their silent struggles
amidst the stereotyped straitjackets forced on them;
listen to their silence
because perhaps in that silence
is where the agony truly lies.