Treasures in Jars of Clay

in a plethora of convlusive mind action

sometimes a friend's voice is not one

you would liked to hear, no.

not even a close friend's voice.

cast the phone into the heap of rubbish

on your table as presented to the world

and cup your head in your hands.

yes my dear, cry.

tears start to well up in your eyes

and you suddenly think you're staging this

no my child, the lights will dim

you are precisely who you are.

so in that plethora of convulsive mind action

you cup your head in your hands

and you cry. oh, you cry!

you realise who you really are

and who I really am.

saying YES to everything doesn't solve everything
but it does make the people around you happy.

question is,
does it make You happy?

you feel that everything is about the people around you
and nothing, almost nothing is about yourself

you feel empty and depleted,
wasted, alone and weak. oh, so weak.

and then there is silence
just. sheer silence.

The Lord is good and just simply AWESOME.

i recently just came back from a church camp that lasted from tuesday to thursday, following that i was to perform with the college choir at the world choral youth festival on friday and then to sing at John's wedding on saturday. so i was feeling really skeptical about myself being not able to lose my voice, let alone make it hoarse. and so in times like this what do we all do? PRAY. and so i did. i prayed that as i give my all during the camp, God will sustain my voice and not just that cause it to be in tip-top condition for the two events following the camp.

sure enough even during the camp itself when in the day i, like all the other leaders were, had to scream and shout and do whatever we can to get the kids' attention. it was insane especially when you're dealing with kids that age. they can run all around the place, make a whole lot of noise but thank God they were controllable; not some wild horse running frantically round the green field looking for a nice tuft of grass to feed on. okay, i'm digressing; but you get the point. obviously towards the end of every day, my voice was weak; it was tired. but yet every morning when i wake up, truly the mercies of God are new every morning; i never fail to realise that i still have my voice, and more than that i'm able to speak naturally as if i've never used it before. sure the voice was tired, but you can still feel the strength in the voice. and i believe that strength came from the Lord.

it was only the second night that i received this blessed assurance that my voice would be sustained and so the next morning i acted out in faith. i did what i needed to do and boy oh boy, i was starting to lose it. i slept that night, woke up on friday morning and my voice was so tired i kept thinking that i was speaking at some tone higher than my usual speaking voice. and then the performance neared. during sound check, it was terrible. i couldn't hit the high notes with that resonance and placement causing the notes to be uber flat, coupled with the fact that my breath control wasn't good, any chorister would tell you that'd be a disaster.

but Praise God! we had dinner after that, warmed up again, sang a few old songs together and by performance time, i was singing so freely. there was the resonance. there was this focus. there was some breath control. it was good.

of course the camp wasn't just about this, there are so many other things that happened and what i saw in the camp that i can talk about! but this particular one is something personal, something that meant so much to me and the Lord has blessed me so much. truly the work we do in the Lord shall never be in vain, for His promises are YES and AMEN.

to God be the Glory forever and ever,

AMEN.