correct me if i'm wrong but recently i've been talking to my budds and i've realised how mellow our conversations were as compared to the hearty chatty chats that we would use to have in the most ungodly hours. marie, the new smu undergrad, mentioned to me before that the guys she knew in school told her that they 'sorta' became more mature after army; simply because they 'had too much time to think about life'. there are implications to this. at the personal level, maybe the suddenly-changed mellow conversations are a result of this "maturity"; maybe as we all "mature" we lose our laughs and just that bit of our personality gets lost in the fray as well. or maybe it has made us hide a certain portion of ourselves from the public eye. i miss those days where we used to have 'hahahaha-s' all the way throughout the conversation or even the random LOL that we used to throw in once in a while. not forgetting the very subjects of school, life, love or work in our daily conversations. does the army really make us mature in this aspect then; make us grow up; or make us any better humans in this society? right now, i'm left wondering whether those who read this, agree with the statement at hand. then again, would this even be considered as "mature"?

i realised how deep i always seem to submerge myself in my mellow train of thoughts as the people around me start to talk about their relationships and what-nots. it seems depressing to be in that frame of mind and no matter how hard i try to conceal it behind an emotionless mask, it always appears apparent to the very source themselves. sometimes being in such a wild world of odd fantasies isn't that bad after all. or so i thought; i've always believed in thinking straight roads out of a whole mess of them, and i suppose it does help- make it worse that is. it's odd isn't it that for a lad like me who has never had a problem with speaking excessively since his primary school days to be silenced at the dreaded topic of relationships. it's not a ploy to garner sympathy from those who are just so willing to share it, simply because first i don't need such sympathy, and secondly i think this whole idea of a ploy is just revolting, period. it's times like these when i start to ask my inner self why do i even allow myself to sink so low just because of some failed attempt. i don't get angry at myself or the other party and neither do i get sorrowful at the thought, i just simply soak myself in the depressing atmosphere. nobody's at fault, not even you.

can someone please tell me if there was yet again another furore regarding the recently concluded PSLE, cause i chanced upon a letter written by some authoritative personnel from the Examinations Board in the Forum page in the Straits Times?

i briefly recall the last time something this major cropped up for a PSLE was way back in the year 2000. that was when i, or rather we were just primary six.

that seemed so long ago until i suddenly recalled of yet another issue regarding the Biology paper in the 2004 O- Levels, and guess what i, or rather we were just secondary six.

and if that seemed closer, i once again self-inflicted a forceful reminder on myself of yet another issue. this time it was related to the Chinese 'A' paper and that took place in the 2006 A- Levels and guess what i or rather, we were just year twos in college.

so looking back at all these timely events,

is there a link that can be derived?

or could it be mere coincidence?

still, it's been such a long while.

have you read the lyrics of

'home' by daughtry?

/I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain/

in about two days' time it would mark the fourth month since my arrival here. after all these days here, money has no longer been the issue. you know how people would gawk upon the knowledge of my allowance cum pay and expect me to stay in taiwan simply for the money? well it has no longer been the case really. i'm not denying that it was not a push factor for me, and for that matter for everyone else who's here, to go overseas but after all these while, you've been away from the familiar home those pressed notes simply don't mean a thing.

/Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all/

i remember how much i wanted to be the few to be able to go overseas after learning from my instructors that a selected few would be chosen eventually. till today i don't believe that coming up here has been mere coincidence or fate but was rather a plan of God for me to live in. everyday i spend here is a new day of fresh opportunities for me to live in His will. well i guessed i did get it all eventually.

/Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

I'm going home/

i guess the chorus just said all that i needed to say,

period.

this is going to be big-
RAWR.

just read off the internet regarding the latest Airbus-380 arriving at Changi Airport and with all the pomp and ceremony i'm feeling the pinch just because i'm not back home to enjoy her arrival. just the excitement of this plane's arrival is just, if i were to exaggerate, overwhelming. so that's cause one for rawr-ing.

as i continued following the news related to the new Singapore Airlines A380 plane, i also, very most unfortunately, found out of their latest suite classes. well if you think first class sounds all posh and glam already, check this out and checked that out i did. imagine a fairly large cubicle all to yourself, with a luxurious bed and a plush mattress for you to lay upon at night during those horrid long haul flights, well that'd be heaven in the skies. watched the promotional videos on the national carrier's website and i must say pride wasn't really the first thing i felt; in fact i felt like crap. here i am sitting on a hard backless stool and there in front of me on the screen is a plush wide-bodied seat. and that would naturally sum up cause two for my rawr-ing.

i still want to join singapore airlines.

and that's cause three.

there we were,

mr lee, mr tan, mr woo and

lieutenant cheok.

sometimes it brings me to wonder when someone i know have decided or rather are deciding to sign on in the armed forces. but everytime i do so i'm also reminded that i once did consider. did is the keyword friends. i did consider before, but i suppose times and situations have changed and since then i have dropped those now-seemingly ridiculous ideas.

thank you francis,

you got me thinking again.

生命太短明日无限远

始终都不比永远这样远

不理会世上长路太多终点太少

木马也要去继续转圈

was on the streets just now

and i just want to say
I MISS YOU

to these people who crossed my mind.

I MISS YOU... mark sim

(after watching some rugby world cup match);

I MISS YOU... kenny

(after realising that my relatives are flying home);

I MISS YOU... rachel

(for all the things you've done for cell, thank you again)

for the others not mentioned,

this was just an on-the-streets thing.

no worries, you guys are not forgotten.

a gust of wind just blew across my window

bringing a handful of brown leaves over here.

then it died,

those leaves actually had tiny brown wings.

HELLO SUPER-TYPHOON.

yet another typhoon arrives;

a super-typhoon to be exact really,

bringing along strong winds and torrential rains.

我仍然还是这么无赖，其实习惯就好了啦。

回归是自然的
只是我的时间还未到。

this is going to sound gay,

but i miss daniel.

you guys back home really have no idea what just one word from you means. it not only reassures us, or at least me, that the people whom i've left back home are not only safe but blessed as well. it reaffirms my position here in this foreign land that i am after all one who is here for a brief stay, neither a citizen nor a permanent resident. it is then justified to say how much i miss you fellas back home whenever you talk to me online, on the phone, or through whatever means that is available to you. you know at times, the silence from you can really drive me nuts and if not being able to see you is bad enough, tell me about not talking to you. everytime we connect, memories of yesterday unrestrainedly come flooding back.

but i do wish that every conversation

we have today be a memory for the future.

i miss all of you back home,

and i look forward to your arrival.

*beams*

Pulsating rhythm pumping on a dizzy head.

Oh, the pain, the dizziness, the oblivious.

Where nothing is revolving,

my head somehow does.

I want to return home, whatever that is,

cause my head really hurts.

Please let it be over,

cause somehow my head does.

*this was completely coined during my pre-knockout moments at Plush using my handphone, whilst sitting on the couch trying really hard to stay awake, lest i fall asleep. a thousand apologies if the grammar and sentence structure of this is just wrong but i think the essence of it is there. somehow i think it's there- enlighten me.

that feeling's coming back again.

creeping in silently, unknowingly.

but this is not the time for such entries, there are others more interesting to share. well, there is to be a massive block off starting this weekend till next thursday all thanks for the specs here in training. so it makes complete sense for everybody here to book out and stay out in where else but taipei. the same goes for me: decided to go for the study in australia education fair this saturday afternoon in taipei with some of the guys here. who knew, or at least i wasn't in the loop, lots were going taipei that night to club, and surprise surprise decided to put my name in the clubbing list.

*faints.

not that i don't want to go, but rather it's more like i'm just rather apprehensive about what to do and for that matter, what not to do there. i mean with all the boozing and dancing in the atmosphere of loud bassy music what the hell am i supposed to do. just clueless really as to the things that i'm supposed to do and all that sort of things- then again, maybe i'm just thinking too much.

i just hope i don't get too drunk,

i just want to spend more time

with people i miss most back home.

to play politics is to

deal with people in an opportunistic, manipulative,

or devious way, as for job advancement.

it would be a joke even for a fool to say that there is no politics in this world. simply, because there is. throughout the course of history, mankind has waged wars, literally and figuratively, with their own race all for the sake of advancement and progress, and you can bet your dollar, they did. if not for politics, there would be no resentment neither would there be satisfaction, and without these can we dare say that we are, then, lack of a range of emotions and thus making us less human in that sense?

i'm making this sound as if it's not the fault of humans to play politics, and at this point i do believe that that is true. the blame should be heavily put on the shoulders of mankind, only when politics is played deliberately, purposefully, with greedy intents. and for such people, they should be treated with much contempt, condemned in its full definition and for that matter be sent back to where he came from.

i do hope i have made my point clear

though i do hope you don't go home.

my blog died for a few days

but thank God it's revived again.

havent been online these few days due to the numerous outfields and details i have been going for the past few days and it's made something foreign, such as sleeping at 2300h every night, so common suddenly. frankly, it's a miracle i'm even online right now considering that i have yet another detail out to the airport at 0630h tomorrow morning.

well one good news though, the specs are going real soon and while that may sound like good news to my military ears it doesn't mean well for my personal self. cause that would mean that my bmt mates here are going home already. and that means sad goodbyes- LOL.

then again,

THE CADETS ARE COMING

and that means more friends arriving

along with more work and nonsense.

debbo sent me an email and it's really heartening to see that she's adapting well, at least to my perception, to the new environment there. but there was one thing that she said that i felt closely related to- and if she allows, she better, me to quote:

"You have no idea how reassuring

hearing from some of you can be."

the typhoon's here
so it means a day off for me

tomorrow, the madness resumes.

surfed around the blogs of the familiars and chanced upon this rather interesting entry by my senior from whom i learnt the ropes of being the gam then; otherwise known as my upperstudy in military terms; whose name is adrian, regarding yet another senior's accomplishment in the local arts scene.

kudos to ben tan and his beautiful video "Remember Me".

thank you for livening up this seemingly dormant arts scene which hardly gets much notice. that is unless things have vastly and rapidly changed since i went overseas two months ago. though i'm just sure, not even half or three-quarters certain, just sure that nothing has changed and all the industry needs right now is people like our dear mr benjamin tan.

it's still odd calling you benjamin rather than the good ol' ben tan that we used to call during those memorable wild college days. well we all got to get used to it cause an up and coming producer is coming our way!

watch his videos at: http://www.youtube.com/whimsicalworks

at least people from the arts scene win medals

others from 'other' scenes just don't

even with all those monetary incentives.

wake up your idea la.

someone's on a date today

someone asked me about mine

fact is, i don't have one. but he didn't believe me. nope not a single bit did he believe me until i told him of my situation, rather my present location to be more precise. and then he understood. he's always saying the nicest things that ears would beg to hear, but i'm still going to leave this issue to the Lord and pray for the best. but for the next couple of years i shall remain a bachelor. so for these few years of singlehood i'm going to make these days so exciting that till the day i've found a partner i can always look back and lament excessively of the freedom lost.

someone's flying off again

someone asked me when i'll be back.

fact is, i do want to join the carrier. but whether or not the Lord aids me in this, that's largely up to him but i do pray that i get the job. heck the politics and heck the tiresome nature of it, flying is what i love and flying is what i intend to do. at least for that few years until they reject the old ducks. as for when i will ever get the chance to ride in the carrier again, we shall see; though i hope it's soon. but ride in a foreign carrier i will soon. the latest would be april next year but if al goes well, i do hope it does, i may be back earlier. as to the actual dates that i will return i shall keep mum for now, so don't be too wildy surprised to be standing next to you just like how we used to in our yesteryears.

sipping on my mango crushed ice with mild-blended mango bits on top in this cafe, it's nice to reminscence on the things that i have left behind and by doing so it has only made me realised where home is and what home holds for me. the things that the Lord has blessed me with has only been made apparent in the light of all that has happened.

in the taiwan light

do i now see the singaporean in me.

there was definitely

an atmosphere of nostalgia back there.

watching the sunset as we headed back to camp from a long recce trip up the mountains it reminded me a lot of the many sunsets that i used to watch down at east coast park back home. an easterner from birth i have seen sunrises and sunsets of many sorts in all weather.

but the memorable ones were spent with my loves.

those sweet escapades to the beach were common when i was just a small kid. together with cousin debra we always brought our spades and pails and cups and other odd shapes to create our very own sandcastles right there. just two cups of sand on top of a pail of sand was all that made our day.

that, was simplicity in the sunset.

running along the sandy coasts with fellow victorians by my side we kept one another busy with the nonsense that simply could not hold us down. pacing one another on the concrete pavements, friendships grew and soon that fraternity grew. just a pair of shoes with a VICTORIA emblazoned singlet was all that we needed.

that, was perspiration in the sunset.

sitting at the table with vjchoir and the burning aroma of food lingering in the air did set the mood for heart talks. despite the wild bridging and random standup games there was always a sense of organisation, even though it was not always accompanied with sanity. finishing the night with a song of unity and strength always leaves us speechless, simply lost in the mixed emotions. just a yearning heart and an intent ear just made that moment special.

that, was unity in the sunset.

when i am back, will i get to play with you in the sands?

will i get to run with you down the concrete footpaths?

will i get to have a hearty chat of all sorts with you?

all these i want to do in the orange glow of sunsets.