Treasures in Jars of Clay

in a plethora of convlusive mind action

sometimes a friend's voice is not one

you would liked to hear, no.

not even a close friend's voice.

cast the phone into the heap of rubbish

on your table as presented to the world

and cup your head in your hands.

yes my dear, cry.

tears start to well up in your eyes

and you suddenly think you're staging this

no my child, the lights will dim

you are precisely who you are.

so in that plethora of convulsive mind action

you cup your head in your hands

and you cry. oh, you cry!

you realise who you really are

and who I really am.

saying YES to everything doesn't solve everything
but it does make the people around you happy.

question is,
does it make You happy?

you feel that everything is about the people around you
and nothing, almost nothing is about yourself

you feel empty and depleted,
wasted, alone and weak. oh, so weak.

and then there is silence
just. sheer silence.

The Lord is good and just simply AWESOME.

i recently just came back from a church camp that lasted from tuesday to thursday, following that i was to perform with the college choir at the world choral youth festival on friday and then to sing at John's wedding on saturday. so i was feeling really skeptical about myself being not able to lose my voice, let alone make it hoarse. and so in times like this what do we all do? PRAY. and so i did. i prayed that as i give my all during the camp, God will sustain my voice and not just that cause it to be in tip-top condition for the two events following the camp.

sure enough even during the camp itself when in the day i, like all the other leaders were, had to scream and shout and do whatever we can to get the kids' attention. it was insane especially when you're dealing with kids that age. they can run all around the place, make a whole lot of noise but thank God they were controllable; not some wild horse running frantically round the green field looking for a nice tuft of grass to feed on. okay, i'm digressing; but you get the point. obviously towards the end of every day, my voice was weak; it was tired. but yet every morning when i wake up, truly the mercies of God are new every morning; i never fail to realise that i still have my voice, and more than that i'm able to speak naturally as if i've never used it before. sure the voice was tired, but you can still feel the strength in the voice. and i believe that strength came from the Lord.

it was only the second night that i received this blessed assurance that my voice would be sustained and so the next morning i acted out in faith. i did what i needed to do and boy oh boy, i was starting to lose it. i slept that night, woke up on friday morning and my voice was so tired i kept thinking that i was speaking at some tone higher than my usual speaking voice. and then the performance neared. during sound check, it was terrible. i couldn't hit the high notes with that resonance and placement causing the notes to be uber flat, coupled with the fact that my breath control wasn't good, any chorister would tell you that'd be a disaster.

but Praise God! we had dinner after that, warmed up again, sang a few old songs together and by performance time, i was singing so freely. there was the resonance. there was this focus. there was some breath control. it was good.

of course the camp wasn't just about this, there are so many other things that happened and what i saw in the camp that i can talk about! but this particular one is something personal, something that meant so much to me and the Lord has blessed me so much. truly the work we do in the Lord shall never be in vain, for His promises are YES and AMEN.

to God be the Glory forever and ever,

AMEN.

DIvision Retreat 2008

i don't normally post my emo posts online but this one is an exception because this is dedicated specially to my cell group: HOTBULBS and the division.

firstly to my dearest and most beloved cell. whatever i shared with you guys on the last night - that 'speech' really came from the bottom of my heart and i meant every word i said. i know sometimes i repeat things but the fact remains - I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GUYS DO IT, BUT YOU GUYS JUST ROCK. goodness, that sounded like it just came from a secondary school kid, but honestly i don't know how else better to put it. you guys honestly rock and throughout the four night spent with you guys i've learnt so much about you through all that sharing and screaming and shouting and bridging and german-bridging and phototaking and ... the list goes on.... and i realised yet another thing. that the moment you guys left the house was the moment i started missing you guys already. and now that the retreat is over and done with, all i want to do now is to just talk and see you guys again. fellowship and talk and bridge and mahjong (welcome to the club!). and that's precisely how i feel now that it's over and you guys are back home and then just when i want to call or sms you guys, i realise that my phone's not with me. you guys brought me so much joy and laughter that i could forget about the loss of the phone. and i guess it's really because of the company, one that i can never find anywhere else in my life, that made this all worthwhile. i take comfort in the Word where Paul wrote in 1 Cor 15: 58, "Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because YOU KNOW THAT YOUR LABOUR IN THE LORD IS NOT IN VAIN". seeing you guys grow in Christ really have made it ALL worthwhile.

to my fellow leaders - Rachel, Lynn, Salome, Lewis and Gregory, THANKS for making this retreat a successful one despite the tight planning schedule. take comfort in Paul's words as written above! let's all have the holy expectation of seeing our cells grow even Further in and with Christ! i hope the retreat have started something new in your cell, whether it has rejuvenated it or revived it or encouraged it or strengthened it, let us continue to strive for excellence for we do it ALL FOR CHRIST. let us also continue to support one another in ministry and prayer, keeping one another in our thoughts and prayers! david and wilbur, WE MISS YOU!

.

to the division and everyone else, thanks for your attendance and participation because really without you all, not only will this retreat be doomed to failure, the division would fall too! thanks to all who have made this a reality! and last but not least, TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. AMEN.

my ORD Thank You List

today marks the end of a twenty-two month-long milestone in my life. and i don't want to forget the people who have made this journey what it is today.

first and foremost to God, my everlasting Father, Saviour, King, Redeemer, Sustainer, Provider and Giver of All Good things. through Him there are no impossibilities and it's been a great pleasure learning this throughout my length of service. i carried a hope and a desire when i enlisted, to be a leader, whatever that meant in the force. and when i didn't achieve that, naturally i was disappointed. but His sustanance and providence for me has been more than enough for me and soon i was blessed with something far beyond my expectations. in fact, it was far beyond the expecatations of anyone i knew. back there, i was further blessed with good health, great friends and an experience like none other. it was awesome and i still attribute it to the goodness of my God. without Him, i would not have made it out on my own. Father, it is by your power and your strength for me that has seen me through; without which, i cannot do anything. Thank You.

.

secondly, to my family who have supported me all the way, silently but surely they did so. even when i was posted There, i had the full support of my family members and none disagreed to it even when they first heard of it. their support for me when i was still a bloddy recruit was all the more crucial to me as i learn the ropes of their trade. i am proud to be a soldier, just like they were; though i must say that it would be foolish for me to join the force simply because i wanted to follow in their footsteps. nonetheless, i am proud of my parents' previous work experiences. Thank You Dad, Mum and Sis for all the support and love even through the times that i wasn't around.

.

thirdly, to all my dearest Cell Group, HOT BULBS and my dearest co-leader of which i must must make special mention, because she has undertaken the responsibilities of two people during my absence. to Rachel Kee, you've been most valuable and appreciated for for all that you've done for this cell group. i know the kids can get quite uncontrollable at times but by the grace of God, all things are and have been made possible. when i left, i knew that the Lord will not forsake you, for that was His promise to not just me, but to those who read His word, and i'm glad He has not gone back on His word. Thank You for your every single bit of effort, dedication and hoarse vocal cords because you keep getting them to settle down. to the rest of my cell members, you guys have been a great joy to have and i thank God for each one of you everytime in my prayers. you have been my motivation and inspiration at times and more than that, it brings me great joy in seeing all of you grow and mature spiritually in the Lord. Thank You All for your prayers, constant encouragement, love, and even those msn convos.

.

fourthly, to my awesome friends back there (you know where it is). the months spent there was the most awesome time ever spent, not only because i was alone and away from home and could do whatever i want but it was the company that still make me reminscience of all the good times we had. you guys were there when i was down, stood by me, cared for my wounds, and not forgetting those random walks to 7-11 just outside the gates. i still remember and will always have them safe in my memories. so Thank You All for the great times and fond memories. a special shout-out to the following people: Aaron, Jeremy, Jeng Hei, Wei Wei, Philip, Ganwei, Kevin, Guan Teck, Jacob, Junyi, Ting Ho, Eric; thanks for the support and friendship man.

fifthly, to my BMT mateys as well as my Signal Cours Platoon 17/06, thanks for the wonderful memories of crap in tekong and stagmont. i know stagmont was complete slackness but hey during those times it was errr, just slack la huh. but Thank You for your friendship and constant encouragements. a special shout out to the following people: Falcon Platoon 1 Section 4 mateys (Prabhu, Samuel, Benjamin, Han Fei, Nelson, Li Qian, Roger, Brian, Yi Liang, Dean, David), Kai Siang, Bing Long, Alvin, Brandon, Daryl; Stagmont 17/06 mateys (Wai Kit, Gabriel, Benji, Eugene, Rif, Suren, Eng Chye, Shi Chun, Vinodh, Zhi Jian).

.

last but not least, to my relatives, friends, and aquaintances who have supported me throughout these twenty two months of my life of which all of them have brought me comfort, encouragement, even strength and renewed faith. a special shout out to: Victoria Chorale, i know it was my bad pang sehing you guys for In Song 2007 but i'm back and ready to contribute and improve myself for Korea 09! (Samantha, Siying, Jian Hao, Marie, Pei En, Stephanie, Jon Chuah, Sue Lynn); 4B, 05S43, , HQ SIG MP BR (Ms Lee KT, Marcus, Jennifer, Kian Long, Boon Teck, Mr William) Joel Sng, Gerald, Wilbur, Justin, Kenny, Zara. Thank You All.

.

so that probably sums up an ESTIMATED list of those who have supported me through these months. if i've left you out, please know it was not at all intentional, i'm really tired now and cannot think very straight. it is my greatest pleasure to have had your encouragements and support, care and concern; please know that they all meant something to me. so to those unsung heroes, and a final admonishment to all, THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING.

dating is an anesthetic to what is to come -

marriage is about healing the past of the individual,

it has never been about romantic love.

PS: i grabbed this off the Oprah show, just found it interesting.

plainly; i want to don that sweater you hand knitted for me, sit by the bedside and slowly, just slowly sift through all the old photographs we took of each other; remembering, that somehow, perhaps, in the distance i can catch that familiar laughter of yesteryear. i clung on tightly to every parchment in my hands trying, with what my body and spirit was capable of to feel your skin brush gently against mine, or to wipe those tears streaming down your wrinkled face, or to run my fingers through your grey-white hair. oh, they were beautiful. yes, you were beautiful, and it pains me even more so that, all my life i have never said that to you; and now saying it alone, to myself, it seems foolish all of a sudden how something so stark, so apparent could have not caught my attention. oh no. that's not true. you did exactly so back then, when at a call of your name you turned your head with such feminine grace and your then-black hair gently swept across the air, floating seamlessly, finally landing neatly on your womanly shoulders. i could never forget that moment for it was a moment of sheer beauty and like they always say, beauty only happens once. but right now even as the fireplace burns, and her yellow-orange hues spread evenly across the room, there will always, always be some nook, some cranny that this light can never reach; it remains dark, it remains unspoken of for there is only regret.

.

(please don't think too much of this. i'm just tired out from the labour of the day and as always whenever i am fatigued, words such as these flow but they mean nothing. however feel free to give me your comments about it, ha. i do wish to learn and improve)

i don't really want to generalise this but recently within four days i have experienced the lack of graciousness in Singaporeans during the rush hours, and honestly i'm really starting to wonder whether we are really practising what we promote ourselves to be --- that Singapore is a Gracious City.

in the first incident which happened on a train back to the heartlands from the city area, a fight nearly broke out between two men. they were not young, or so i think, so maybe that could be a factor - age and their old-fashioned ideas, whatever they were. and then there was the second incident that took place on a bus; this time it involved two women who are probably both in their forties and no, there wasn't a fight but in lieu of it there was this "public humiliation" from one to another that she was pushing her when the bus was Moving. uhhuh, you're probably going like DUH.

look the point i'm trying to make here is this. we all know it is the rush hour, and we all want to rush home for various reasons. some need to cook dinner, some need to pick up their kids, and of course there are those channel eight hardcore fans who would want to catch the latest episode of the 7pm drama serial. we all have our reasons for going back that early, thus the rush hour, thus the squeeze, thus the packed-like-sardines situation. can't we all just have a bit of patience and show that little amount of graciousness to others, like us, just for that few minutes?

if someone steps on your toes, literally or figuratively; or if someone really is intruding on your personal space, of course not TOO close; can't we all just say "Excuse me...." or at least a "Sorry but you are...." nicely, instead of a push or a sarcastic remark?

don't take this personally but i think if you really don't like all this rushing and the squeezing on the trains and buses, then don't take the public transport during those times. isn't it better to show a bit more grace to our fellow countrymen than to shovel and scream in their ears as if they haven't already had a good and fulfilling day already (have you ever thought you're just making it worse for those who got it Real bad that day and then imagined if that person was you; id feel like crap above the crap i already feel at work in the day)

i believe that before someone sells his/her product the person needs to believe in the product first, if not he'd be lying and any further questioning could very well cost him the lack of sales. let us all practice what we promote ourselves to be : Singapore is a Gracious City.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger. "

(Proverbs 15: 1)

with the american presidential election looming, i cannot help but take notice of how the debates are getting from prodessional to personal. sure it's democracy and votes do matter in such a free state as the us. but let's take a step further and think about the effects these personal attacks would have on the country. in a time when the country is in peril' in chaos; needs strong leadership, such personal attacks that remain on the back of the minds of the people, might prove to be a hindering block to the president (whoever he or she may be) when he/she needs to unite the americans. after all, we all know that unity is strength. i wonder whether there are any people out there thinking about the personal statements the previous presidential nominee made about the current president and how that can actually affect their belief in him, the system, the instituition and ultimately the state.

so this got me thinking: is this a natural flaw of democracy?

okay i think this would be a relatively short entry, of course not considering the pseudopoems i wrote before, but yes i believe this should be a relatively short entry.

to start it off, i went back to parent unit today. okay pause for a moment, could you feel the excitement i had in that statement> ah yes, no. true enough, i was not looking forward to going back to stagmont. but somehow i recall telling myself "we're going back to where it all began" as i trudged up the slopes to where the office was. so i spent literally half a day not doing anything except for entertaining myself with my good ol' book and the other quarter shredding papers. here's the interesting part. it was the last quarter which got me rather aquainted with the present staff there, considering the fact that the staff that i knew before i left overseas were all gone, and i actually want to go back there again. it's a happy place you know, where the atmosphere is all lively and jovial; and my only fear is that once Boss comes back, everything screams FUNERAL / CHINESE ORCHESTRA.

on other news, i was wondering why we army guys don't have a SINGAPURA on our shoulder board and the navy/ airforce men do. i'm not referring to commissioned officers or warrant officers, i'm talking about the men. odd isn't it, or maybe i'm just ignorant about it?

another interesting sight today at the coffeeshop whilst having dinner. the father buys two plates of rice. he places it down on the table. he starts eating. the domestic helper, carrying the child on her laps takes the other plate of rice and starts feeding the child. the father carries on eating, seemingly oblivious. the child looks intently at the father. are we becoming too reliant on these domestic helpers in raising our children to such an extent that the responsibilities of parenting are now being transferred to the shoulders of these foreigners?

okay, i said it SHOULD be short so maybe i was wrong.

found this off the net, translated from mandarin

[shoots, i'm actually translating]

love is like a fog

and i am a window in the night

i try to rub the mist off my panes

but still, i can't seem to see the outside.

how many of us look at

our friends, colleagues, even family members

and suddenly feel all lousy inside?

i have.

now, how many of us think that These People

are contented with what they have

or maybe there's a possibility that they're just like, us

- feeling lousy, whenever they look at us.

ah, maybe that didn't cross our minds.

we, worldy creatures

have worldy desires

and thus have wordly ideals of people and things

we tend to focus so much of what we lack

that at times, we forget our own strengths.

we lose ourselves in the madness of it all

allowing envy and jealousy to creep in

when at the end of the day,

we soon realise that what we have,

Those People want

Those People desire;

Those People envy;

Those People lose themselves.

so question is, when will all this stop encircling?

.

Ecclesiastes is right

if the wisest and the richest man can find no fulfilment

what chance do we have?

let us count our blessings daily

and give thanks to our Heavenly Father

from whom all good gifts come.

i don't like this feeling at all.

nope, not a single bit of it.

the question comes with the fatigue

and prayerfully, goes with the sleep

and it is making me rather sick.

when will it be my turn? it echoes on

i try to respond and provide an answer

but fact is, even if it finally is my turn,

i don't want it. i'm sick of it.

it is nobody's fault. no, not you; not even me.

cause it's a feeling i always get,

and for what reason i'm still left wondering.

but one thing remains true:

i wonder how life would be like with you.

i'm home.

i'm feeling strange though.

maybe that's what this ten days are for

- for me to adapt back to the ol' ways.

so if you see me in the streets

listening to some random mandarin music

forgive me, but i do suppose the music helps.

家，到底是哪里?

2007年06月22日
是世界庆祝我19年前诞生的那一天；
但也是我一生以来最难忘的旅途的开始。

单独坐在暴满的飞机上
却感受不到百人的存在
默默仿佛只听得到心话
而周围渐渐的被模糊。

遗忘了，什么都忘了。

刚抵达机场的我
拖着笨重的行李
着急在人海中寻找某人
啊！找到了！
我们“回家”吧。

其他细腻的事我都忘了， 什么都忘了。

一年前的我不敢相信
一年的时间会一转眼的过去
但现在的我终于明白
世上是没有不可能的事。

我在这里该做得都做了
反而觉得有时付出了太多
但这一年来都没被夸过
一声感谢词都没有
使我觉得我的功劳到底有多值得

啊！遗憾， 这是遗憾吗？

对于我在这里交的朋友
我是无法形容，
只能说认识他们是我的荣幸
也是我的幸福
没有他们的陪伴
这一年以来都不会好过
现在临走之前的我
只能够好好珍惜剩下几天的陪伴
为我们的友谊的未来抱着永恒的希望。

这，真的是遗憾吗？

不。我付出的这么多
上帝已十倍的补偿给我
那么丰富的经验，乐与赏
我都得到了。

但这个旅途总有一天会结束
而结束的那一天就即将来临
我不遗憾
我不伤心
我绝对一滴眼泪也不会付出
因为我知道未来有多么的开心，
再次能见到你们会有多么幸福
- 我抱着这么的希望迈向未来

过几天，2007年06月22日会再次重复
我离家，回家去了。

it took me more than a day to figure out why i've been feeling fatigued since 8pm tonight, and it came as a surprise though it actually wasn't. okay, word of grammatical caution here, i'm typing this entry with a more-asleep-than-awake mind so forgive the grammar, worse, the punctuation.

so the reason was... of the happy hour. even after half a day's rest and the night's rest on the 18th, it seems to me that all that amount of sleep was simply not enough for my body. TOO LITTLE he screams, oh well. so it's little wonder i was getting all sleepy at 8pm but guess what; i decided to not sleep only because of the fact that tomorrow's a saturday and we all know that saturday mornings are perfect for sleeping in. so i'm not going to waste that oppurtunity, considering that this friday and saturday will be my last 'friday' and 'saturday' of my tour here. come to think of it, it's pretty depressing.

another thing i must must say is this: i was wondering why people work so hard sometimes, like what's the purpose of it all? to get the promotion, a compliment or something else? it gets worse when the person you're working for doesn't acknowledge your work or even recognise your efforts, but rather simply gives you the 'highest' grade second to one which requires a mandatory further effort, such as a testimonial. i've always been an advocate of the phrase "DO YOUR BEST" but honestly it gets tough doing so if whoever you're working for doesn't give you the recognition that your work deserves. and i say this as follower/ worker of one year plus; imagine those who have been working like cows and not have those who squeeze their udders even utter a simple word of thanks.

i said this this evening and i say it again, for records' sake and for those idiots out there: why bother working so hard when you're not even appreciated for it. if you don't get appreciated, screw it; just get bloddy used to it.

last night was a beautiful night with a near full moon. there was so much laughter and good wishes whizzing around the mess; the atmosphere was awesome. it was also to be my last happy hour at the mess, and it's a good thing it didn't disappoint. kelvin who was to end his tour this morning ie. as seen from yesterday, tomorrow, was obviously the main target while i, happily had both legs up on the table. well, in actual fact i was hiding from them. what a bummer. but after the whole lets-dump-kelvin-into-the-fish-pond saga, the fun didnt just stop there. oh no, there was more to come and it sure did all the way till the early dawn.

there was the drinkin. no not beer, though i had a half-yard of that (approx 2 cans), we had alcohol. i reckon we finished at least 4 - 5 full bottles of alcohol yesterday. and when i say we, i mean a group of say 8 people. did i mention we also finished whatever was left in the Other bottles. so amidst all that drinking there was also the talking which honestly was the highlight of the night. that camaraderie and the brotherhood here-- not like any girl reading this would totally connect with except for those semi-deluded, semi-insane females who chose to sign on-- was unmatched. after the bull-talking, what's a happy hour without singing. rather, shouting. but at that already about-to-go state of mind, the line that makes shouting and singing distinct from each other immediately disappears. it doesn't just slowly fade away, it just simply disappears. and i, had to make it all more fun. as soon as someone picks up the microphone to 'sing', immediately i'd concoct a potent potion for them to drink after they're done. that was equally awesome. i remember one to be half green tea, quarter kaoliang (58%), quarter absolut vodka (40%). that was awesome. and another shot to be half kaoliang (58%) and half sheridians (40%). tell me i'm an ass in the mess. HEY IT RHYMES.

didn't bother sleeping after that fiasco and went straight to the airport to send kelvin off, who was still slightly tipsy but oh well, he's got a wife. one of the many joys of marriage huh. and then, i came back and very obviously slept. fast forward time and here i am, with my understudy sitting diagonally behind me. his arrival heralds a new era, and will also quickly bid farewell to mine. YES, I'LL BE BACK IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK.

but not before i finish the alcohol left in the mess with friends so close you'd call and know them as brothers.

ah yes, the 510th entry to mark a very important announcement:

25 SEPT IS THE MAGICAL DATE

FINALLY, IT'S MY TURN TO GO HOME

i've got plans

and commitments already,

your extracted wisdom teeth

will not stop me, so come up la.

on the other hand, take your time:

come up with the load of them;

that'll leave me with the same

number of days of work, as my leave.

ie. no work.

so i got really irritated

and took the shotgun off the wall

and fired two warning shots

into His head.

i found that JOY in singing

and i honestly can't wait to come back

- however -

there are still mixed emotions though

still in caught in that limbo

there is no such thing as ugly women;

only lazy ones.

just a shoutout to all chorale people:

JIAYOUUU! :):):)

last night was the last night two great friends were going to spend at this camp; they have since gone home, in fact, on their way home now.

it all began last night with two cans of heineken and 7-up. well, 7-up was the game and heineken was... you should know better. thing was, those two cans were taken in real slowly. there was no kick; there was nothing.

and then we moved into the mess - the "entertainment hub" for our civilian-friends - and started singing. like any other military elsewhere, singing would finally make way for what is know to civilians as Shouting. so anyway, we Shouted emo farewell songs for those leaving us, and in the process of it had more cups of beer and alcohol mixed in a cup. lovely concoction eh? wrong.

just a 1cm tall cup of 58% alcohol drank dry would make any chest warm and fuzzy, and for some cause serious gastric pains. Ouch. now imagine beer with that alcohol, multiplied by say 5 cups (i can't even remember how many cups i had, there were just too many).

and then there was the guinness stout. till now i have absolutely no idea whatsoever why people like stout. there's this caramel old ancient taste that seems to come from the old dynasties of whatever civilisation, and honestly, it's just simply not nice. short of gross, but just not nice. thank goodness it was just one cup.

and then there were the competitions. one versus one, see who can finish one can of beer the fastest and the slower one will drink about half a can of the 58% alcohol. that one i was not part of.

in the end, i was feeling tipsy - which is not the same as being drunk; it is more of a really really tired feeling under a moderately sedated mind. the others, well let's just say they went completely ballistic with themselves. one peed in the drain, another took off his boxers in the fish pond, ah the list goes on. but one thing united us all last night; we all went into the fish pond, voluntarily or involuntarily we all just did.

call it camaraderie, there was just this unity we felt. remember that saying One for All, All for One? i guess that was what we felt - that drunk, no, tipsy camaraderie.

now that they're both gone, there's definitely a void emotionally and physically too. but hey, september draws nigh and soon i'll be home as well. all i wish is for this camaraderie, drunk or tipsy or not (hopefully the latter) , to be present well into the future; for it is these friendships that i take home with me and will remember always.

i havent felt that way for such a long time

untill ten o'clock last night.

does it satisfy you to see us scramble,

you pervert.

one call was all it took, no.

one word was all you said

and the world started revolving around you.

it's perfectly fine if the first was a mistake

but it's totally Not fine

when you say yes after that

and no, barely half a day later.

what?

you were distracted;

you had too much things to settle;

you were thinking of more important things;

oh yes, all of the above are true -

your lil' game avatar failed to gain a new level.

drats.

don't, even try to give me that bull.

ntu gets to host the youth olympians,

so take that, nus!

smu- i'm sorry but you weren't even in it from the start.

childish comparison game.

but hey, it's fun.
LOL

you ask me who do i
say that you are, and i

say that you are the Christ,

Son of the Living God.

blow wind blow

what many recall it to be a childish game

is now a medium turning full strength typhoon

about to toy with anybody that crosses her path.

we always say mother nature is angry.

but is she by nature, just a violent drunkard mother?

.

even so, none of us want to leave her side.

no one wants mars or venus taking custody of us;

we'd rather remain beaten and battered.

after all, the wind can only blow on and

soon this will all pass.

okay, i think i should elaborate on my previous entry; partly because i was uber tired and fatigued from yesterday's work and could only manage to write that puny condensed entry with the mangled remains of my brain.

it started with a 4km run in the morning right afetr i woke up that left not just me, but everybody tired and sluggish. giving everybody only 45mins to bathe and have breakfast was uncomfortably impossible and that obviously made the entire situation worse. we were the living dead in green. and then the arrows started coming in.

there was to be a conference later that day- mind you, that conference is apparrently one with the highest protocol, other than the presenters the members were of a rank of at least a major- and our camp had to present some projects taht we were working on. i was arrowed to come up with a presentation slide, Just the slides. and so i did, within half an hour; cause remember, i was tired Already. and then the vetting of the slides started and the person who was supposed to present it couldn't explain it properly, so i guessed i just added in a few words here and there to explain in greater detail - i honestly think the idea is a good one and didn't want it to go down the drain just because the bars and crabs didn't have a clear picture about it - and then, the nonsense happened. base commander asked me to present this particular project at the conference that day. imagine my expression: STUN.

butterflies in my stomach throughout the journey to the meeting venue but i thought, what the heck. just get it over and done with. and so i did. it went well, so well that the project was apporved almost immediately albeit some questions here and there. but we did well. good. so then we were supposed to return back to base camp at 1700h and then the next nonsense happened. base comd asked me to send the rest back to camp, then go to his house to pick up his wife and then send her back down to meeting place. apparently there was an impromptu dinner for them. crap.

so i did just that. by the time i got back to camp it was already 1915h and i was already fatigued. another trip down would honestly kill whatever energy i have left. but what to do? i couldn't deviate this arrow and soon found myself back in the very same city i was in 4hours earlier. i only left the city at 2200h and reached back to camp at 2330h.

a quick bath and a quick check on the inbox and then a quick short puny entry of the entire day's work forced me to go to bed at 0000h. and then i had to wake up at 0350h to go to the airport.

so here i am at the airport writing this seemingly elaborate description of what exactly happened yesterday. i'm still tired and sleepy; nothing much has changed physically since yesterday. but i think i'm quite satisfied.

what a day.

completed a presentation within thirty minutes

presented at the highest local conference

been to taipei twice and back

and i'm supposed to be up at 0350h tomorrow.

screw it.

4D3N of travelling has resulted in sore feet, aching limbs and many happy memories. uhhuh, DUDES I'M BACK! a brief outline of where i went: kenting, kaoshioung, tainan, jianhushan theme park, and other small crappy places which i do suppose were meant to kill time. pictures would be duly uploaded and tagged on facebook soon, so keep a look out for it!

lots of time were spent on travelling

zooming through the head and reality.

i used you to get to my dreams

but you brought me to unreal fantasies.

after months of preparation, Finally the anniversary is over. *sigh of relief* honestly, so much work has been put in in the preparation and all that absolute nonsense, not to mention all the crap our ears had to endure during those hour long meetings which at the start didn't settle anything, rest is what we really need now. and it's apt that the upper management is giving us a half day off tomorrow. awesome or not, that's not the point. the point is, ANNIVERSARY IS OVER. and sleep is my best friend.

well done darren.

you did well.

if only love can be told

from blowing leaves

and autumn-gold wind.

That feeling's starting to creep in

and i'm not entertaining it;

hoping, just hoping that like the wind,

it's just a passing thing.

dinner with singapore in taiwan was lovely.

it was heartening

it was encouraging

i think it was plain awesome.

ah, soon that day will come when

dinner with singapore will be a daily affair.

jeremy said, "safety seminar changed to two o' clock."

i heard it as, "please send some apples to my block."

i guess some things Just don't change

women can parade their underwear in the presence of men.

but men cannot, at least in the eyes of this organisation.

that proves that men can be marginalised too.

BUT i guess we never lose out, OOPS.

urgh, headaches suck.

it's ironic that singapore has a national heritage board that aims to preserve certain iconic structures that represent the national spirit, as well as those which showcase the history of this small republic, AND still allow some of these known buildings to be demolished Just Like That to pave the way for the new up-and-coming mrt track.

does this mean that history, regardless of its richness and antiquity, can and should be erased off the face of the earth if and when it collides with the plans of the future? do we restore only those historical structures which somehow, miraculously, do not fall into the Grand masterplan for the future?

i'm sure, give us just 5 years from the demolition of the 7th Storey Hotel, and we would CLEANLY forget our roots and the history that piece of land once had there. because in the name of making singapore a better place for the Future, we seem to somehow forget our Past.

okay so here are my few cents worth, after reading some local news online:

first. the fourth university. okay, rather education in singapore in general. honestly i think there is definitely space for a fourth university in singapore, now in present terms. i mean it took just a Fraction of the cohort of the '88 dragon babies to make a statement that there is just no space for our children. this still happened despite the fact that there was already an increase in the total number of spaces by the three universities. that's short term. in the long term however, judging from the low birth rates would the birth of a fourth tertiary instituition be justified? well, i may be myopic and don't enjoy having much numerical data at hand, but would and could this pose as a problem? could the fourth university in the long run, prove to be an extra educational instituition.

singapore can take pride in her educational standards. we have topped or at least nearly topped some educational research/ surveys/ studies done at a global scale, and our education models are widely followed in many countries. in the country that i am in right now, there are hundreds of tertiary institutions that even the locals claim them to be just degree mills. amongst them, i have only so far noticed only two universities in the ranking list of some forgotten year. as compared to singapore's two out of three universities making it into the top 100, one even to the top 50, i think it speaks a lot of our standards. so that brought me to my abovementioned point? would the fourth university, on top of the private instituitions And overseas universities- that some organisation has been desperately bidding for them to come and set up campus here- be ultimately just an ordinary top 500 degree mill?

--

that leads me to the article about local employers being concerned about local talent leaving to work abroad. first question: of what proportion are our local graduates intending to work abroad? and secondly: of what proportion are our singaporean graduates studying overseas, leaving the country to work? i think when we break those numbers down, we would get a clearer picture wouldn't we, of not just the reasons but the solutions, if there are any, as well. if the graduates who study overseas stay overseas then it's really not surprising to me that those who majored in finance, business and real estate do just so.

okay, why finance/ business? despite the fact that both the business schools of NTU and NUS are globally reknowned and the up-and-coming one at SMU, the academic requirement for entry into these schools are roughly the same. well at least on paper, or website, it is. 4As and at least a merit in your GP is the BASIC requirement. so one may then argue that it is only necessary to set such high standards for entry to ensure that we attract the top students not just locally but internationally too. but what about the general population? those who didn't get those pristine grades? those who marginally did not make the fianl cut, be it at the interview or the grades? uhhuh, real estate then? from what i know, only NUS offers a degree in real estate and it's a rather small crowd actually. so those who have the interest but don't make it, where do they go? for all three disciplines, you guessed it. they go overseas. why would they not come back to work? question we should be asking is why should they? maybe the jobs there pay more, maybe they completely forgotten what being singaporean is all about (although i hope not, if not there would most definitely be a revision to the social studies subject at secondary school)

--

which leads to me back to the question of education. we definitely don't want a degree mill that compromises on eduational standards. i wonder. it would also be senseless if every child of singapore ends up getting a degree, it would just fuel the sick lust for that coveted paper qualification, but where and when does it end? in my course of choosing a university i've considered some australian universities and what caught my eye was the fact that despite the lower entry requirements, as compared to singapore, these australian universities fared better than our local unis on almost all of the global rankings. of course, some may argue that the rankings are not all that important, they could be flawed as well. but they do give us an indication of some comparison, at least.

so bottomline is, are we flawed in giving our general population an education?

(heyhey, don't get me wrong. i still believe in the education standards of my homeland and what it has done and will continue to provide for this country. and it is only because i believe so much in it, that is why i question what else more can we do, so that others can benefit from it)

a bottle which has drifted far out into the sea

never returns back to his roots with the waves.

no, he leaves behind a legacy; a memory, if ever, remains.

and if that bottle would one day return to that sandy beach,

let him be filled with the salty water he has been in before.

for it would be futile if the owner

picked him up,

found him empty

and then throw him back into the salty waters again.

--

i've looked at life from both sides now

and i realised i've never known life at all.

i've looked at love from some sides now

and i realised i've never known love at all.

nowadays i just think of life, not you.

these days, i don't even bother thinking about love.

they say that when you find love, love doesn't come to you.

when you're desperate, love also doesn't come to you, either.

i guess there are those times when you dream of falling in love and wanting to get attached and all that nonsense, but truth be told i don't want to commit all of that. or at least, if i can help it. there is so much nonsense involved that at the end of it all, are we just acting according to what society wants us to be? and if not, does the society that we leave in today permit singles, or worse, those who havent had a relationship by the age of twenty, to fully participate in societal activities? housing becomes a problem, and i;m sure there are many other problems that accompany the housing one.

falling in love, surprisingly is a modern concept. think about the old times when marriages were arranged and the couple involved don't even know one another till the day of marriage. falling in love before marriage would be an obscure thought, if not an impossible one. and for that matter, if the couple were to fall in love after marriage, that might even be an unlikelihood. so what's with the whole deal about falling in love.

ah. love.

it makes us say the dumbest things.

who knows? i may say all these opposing words today

and be full of praise of it tomorrow.

the funny things of love.

love, the funny thing.

my heartfelt condolences.

"kor kor...."

"什么事？”

- he plays with the child.

"kor kor...."
"什么事？”
- he plays with the child again.

"kor kor...."
"什么事？”
- he plays with the child yet again.

finally,

"kor kor...."

"kor kor 要睡觉啦。"

"kor kor...."

"kor kor 头痛了，不要吵。"

"kor kor...."

"哎哟，都跟你说了不要吵 kor kor 了。”

"kor kor...." .....

"kor kor...." .....

"kor kor...." .....

--

such is the joy of being innocently a child.

what happens in vegas, stays in vegas.

what happened in singapore, stays in singapore;

and more.

it's aptly forgotten.

here are some of the words used during a pre-ippt briefing held

"ippt parcipitants" - it's meant to be par-ti-ci-pants

"masharrers" - it's meant to be mar-sha-llers

and the best....

"testees" - it's meant to refer to those taking the test.

wth.

--

anyway, onto more interesting news abroad. i understand there has been a recent row about the display of nude children's photos in an art exhibition under the context that it is art. since my younger days studying art history and all that nonsense i was taught that art was meant to be a personal thing in the first place. art is meant to inspire, encourage, give hope, and even, anger, disappoint and even raise controversy. however the latter negative impacts are just to give effect to the former positive ones. they are not meant to remain as a source of anger or controversy. so with this in mind, has the artist crossed the line of censorship and art? years ago, the distinction between high art and low art was blurred with the incoming of movements such as the dada period and surrealism. with this furore is there going to be another blur in motion? or is this just downright immoral. then again, maybe this IS the purpose of the art at hand- to create a whooha.

ah. i love art. it's just so personal. you can never fully understand it, let alone study it in detail. because there is absolutely no way one can ever comprehend fully the significance of the art piece to the artist who conceptualised it. i love art.

i believe musicians and choristers would agree with me on this too. we're just a different breed of people as compared to those who play with their rackets or worse, ball.

OOPS.

people come people go,

but life still needs to go on.

those were definitely memorable times

and i'm sure there will be even more to come.

thank you my dearest friends

for the memories, encouragement and love.

so now here i am

four months away from home

and life needs to go on.

go catch American Pastime, a 2007 film.

a film of the war that america fought in europe and how the japanese-americans fought alongside their native caucasian counterparts even to the point of saving them and how despite all that they've done out of the states, there is still much discrimination back at home. maybe it's something that we as asians can understand. then again, maybe it's something i cannot understand fully considering that i'm chinese, the dominant race in singapore. but i still think it's a relatively good movie because there are so many issues close to the heart- an interracial love relationship, dignity for your race and pride for your country. possibly the first film i watched that made me see clearly how the military affects and changes the lives of societies and families. while there may be too many issues that are being highlighted and how they are not properly well-linked, it's still a relatively should-watch movie. having said that however, those negative points did not cause confusion but rather if they were done well, it would have made this film way better. but as i said, you should watch this movie. it's a personal favourite though.

you'll like it especially if you like jazz

or baseball.

do you dream of becoming rich and famous and your name becoming a household brand? wait, let me change that. do you STILL dream of becoming all of that?

--

just a few hours ago i watched the latest episode of the idol-series equivalent local singing reality show and to my surprise, which i will explain later why, there were two singaporeans in the top 10. now question is why? well, i heard either one of them or both took part in a similar competition back in singapore and guess what, they didn't make the cut. thing is in the mandarin music industry taiwan is a monster and for them to make it this far in this competition deserves way more than a pat on their backs. so, is the singapore music industry moving the right direction? of course we can say that a local show like this should appeal to the local masses but i believe that any producer would understand that ultimately for the winner-singer to make it big, he/she has got to move out of singapore and into the world. i mean the local results of such contests haven't made it anything big. let's not consider the world, they haven't even taken a foothold of the music industry in Singapore. are we moving in the right direction?

--

these reality series- the american idol finals of which i have stopped watching completely because there are way too many "idols" already who hardly make it past their second album, and the other 2 local singing contests here- made me think. you know how as small kids, i mean teenagers, we used to dream of being rich and famous and earning lots of money and spending even more money and living in houses which are insanely huge and then have a million ferraris and to top that up half a million lexus and more bmws and mercedes and having a harem of girls all around you and full access to the casinos all around the world and flying first class everytime even when you travel from singapore to sentosa and having luxury designer items and fur coats and... all this nonsense. i realised that it is so much easier for the lame man on the street to get rich and famous all at the same time. go for competitions like that, even if you don't make the cut, act stupid and have your name all over youtube or some tabloid. people of long ago made it this far just because they had what it took to get them here today. is it right for me to say that competitions like these make a mockery of the ardous starting journeys of yesteryears' singers?

do i still wish to be rich and famous?

i think reality kicked in.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Rom 15:5-6)

i must mention, when doing my quiet time last night i stumbled upon this beautiful verse that immediately upon reading i felt a gentle stir in my heart, and my kids came into my head. gosh i miss those kids. there are so many things going on in my head whenever i think of them. so many memories- good ones, of course; but yet there is much apprehension when it comes to the part when i have to ultimately return back home. whether or not i will be able to handle the change would be another issue. i mean i've changed, or at least i think i have- well slightly i suppose in the sense that the change is inevitable due to the commual living here, and Obviously they've changed too. in fact, if they haven't that would really be a source of worry. but yes, there is so much for us to hope for and soon enough i find myself reading the following verse.

"May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may OVERFLOW WITH HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Rom 15:13)

a beautiful thing the Bible is.

it feels good to be able to live the experience of breaking the rules blatently and still get away with it, easily.

--

as for the trip, there are some things i want to talk about but am unable to. why? if not i would not be able to get away with it then, period.

just when the top echelon of the base are at a meeting, i figured why not use the time to surf the net instead of roaming the streets. so guess what, here i am in starbucks sipping my morning cup of coffee and a lovely cinnamon roll half eaten, i'm surfing the net too. all at a cost of below 300NT. well, the internet cost a hundred BUT it is valid for 24hours irregardless of when you use it ie, you can surf for 5 mins then disconnect and then surf another 5 mins and the total time calculated is 10 minutes. you get the concept right? hm. but liangi said this is the life. is it?

.

or am i not the usual singaporean anymore?

i think i have gone completely insane or at least i think i am going completely insane. having said that it also means that i am already somewhat insane. wait, insane is not the word. deluded possibly? i was reading the taipei times this morning, and just fyi thing, it is thankfully in english- that piece of information is for those of you out there who have been desperately praying for me not to come back from taiwan as some chinese-speaking machine because that *points to the abovementioned fact* just proved i am not and will never be. okay, as i was saying, the taipei times. there was this really interesting article- two to be more exact which caught my eye. one was a local letter to the editor regarding the poor education system here in taiwan, about how low-quality universities should be disbanded and how the universities here have now turned into mediocre degree-churning mills; and the other was a foreign article from some english publication that was about the income disparity of this generation and their preceding one in europe. now, you might be wondering why in the HUGE world would these two articles catch my eye? well, in a nutshell- i'm after all going to be a sociology grad. does that answer the question, i think it just succintly did.

why do i think i'm going insane? do you consider researching now for a sociology masters even before i start university proper insane? a friend once asked me how ambitious i think i am and my answer was i have dreams and aspirations and i suppose i would do all i can to get them all. much like ash ketchum, however you spell that in pokemon. i have no idea why i just added that, but hey this blog's meant to be all about spontaneous thinking and self-filtered language; you get the link don't you? so anyway, am i going insane? i think i just need sleep. seriously, five hours of rest, waking up at 5 just to spend the next hour or so in a vehicle to taipei, walking around aimlessly in taipei afterwards which is also when i read the articles, and then finally enduring the next leg of the journey back to camp for the next hour, is really no big joke. of course it's not. you're not laughing. i am most definitely not. the bed longs for me but i cannot yield to her desire, for if i do, i know i will definitely not survive the next same journey as today tomorrow.

now, you decide if i am going insane or already am.

mm. sov is over and i damned missed it.

i really hate this feeling,

especially after watching sister act 2 and all that choir jazz.

a lot of memories fill the head now

and what the hell, this feeling just sucks.

i want to sing.

i want choir.

and i want it NOW.

yesterday marked the end of yet another frame and also the last of its kind for me till i return back to singapore for good. there was nostalgia and at the same time gratefulness as i walked them into the plane, taking in a whaff of the plane whilst in there- something i haven't done since i returned back to taiwan in january.

nostalgia because this is my last frame with these bunch of people. that is to say, the next time they're here i'll be gone. there ain't going to be another chance of working with them and doing all that kind of nonsense all over again. then again, i might not even meet them ever again. but somehow, just somehow i do wish our paths would cross one day. the fact that singapore is so tiny already do help in this aspect and do wish it would. just a simple hello from across the street or a g'day on the sidewalks of orchard road would definitely jolt back many memories. of course, maybe i would have another entry on that ten years from now when i meet any one of them randomly with their kids and wife walking down the beach. hmm, i look forward to meeting them again.

gratefulness because when i look back, this is the second of such a frame since i arrived and also the last till i return, much have changed. things here in this place has changed- people, systems of work, management, lots of things. but there is one thing that hasn't and that's God's sustanence and daily providence. this experience, though it's not yet over, has already been more than enriching and fulfilling. it's fast becoming a watershed in my life. or should i say, i am living this watershed right now, enjoying it to the fullest at the moment. and seeing that bunch of people leave was kinda sad but as like all the other frames i have sent off at the gates of taoyuan international airport, they never fail to remind me of the first time i sent a frame home. they never fail to remind me the road i have taken so far to get to where i am today. they never failed me. God never failed me.

and it's high time i start to not fail God in my life.

thank you, God.

i havent been going to the gym lately. that must have resulted in some mass gone and obviously some muscles with it too. i need to go back to the gym real soon. i have to.

--

i find myself obliged to blog after realising that i havent done so for the past seven days. question is, is there really a need to blog? what is "blog"? undoubtedly it is a word which modernity has invented to meet our linguistic needs to do what, pen our thoughts? but what do you categorise it in the first place - a noun or a verb? if so, can you blog in a blog? that sounds odd does it, but perfectly alright?

and why do people blog in the first place? why do some choose to place their daily schedules- some mundane, others with a tad more spice in it- up on a public arena for the world to have a chance to only criticise it? then again on the flipside the world could very much adore you and your life, or at least what's been put down in words. other blogging sites allow fellow users, even annonymous ones, to post comments to entries; some are even allowed to rate the entry, to give it a thumbs up or down. now why do people do all that / why do some people take blogging to be a form of emotional release, or, in other times and situations, a form of typing out your thoughts as it passes through your mind? are there no other ways to do these things but only through technology? have we been overtaken? oh, don't be mistaken, i'm a fan of technology and globalisation and all that jazz, but has it come to a stage where we have been obliged to "blog", whatever that even means.

strangely enough, i write (this word is used in an odd fashion now isn't it?) this entry in order to keep my blog alive with some words i find new since seven days of my last entry. strangely enough, this entry is about why people blog when i, a "blogger", can't even find a reason of doing so, not even now.

我就这样告别山下的家

我实在不愿轻易让眼泪流下

我以为我并不差 不会害怕

我就这样自己照顾自己长大

我不想因为现实把头低下

我以为我并不差 能学会虚假

怎样才能够看穿面具里的谎话

别让我的真心散的像沙

如果有一天我变得更复杂

还能不能唱出歌声里的那个家

流浪记- 梁文音 / 纪晓君

when in rome, do what the romans do.

when you're an officer, just change what rome does.

maybe the reason why the music industry in singapore is relatively stagnant as compared to the bustling taiwanese music industry or the one in malaysia etc, probably could be simply people don't gel with the locally produced music. i was listening to rainie yang (which took me quite some time to get used to) in the minibus last night and found it rather difficult to appreciate the music. in fact knowing she had a rather big fan base in many asian countries, that made it all the more odd because i couldn't understand why people would love her singing and all that. having parallel thoughts with the One Million Star reality competition here, i soon realised why. it's simply because the industry here is flexible enough to allow different people to recognise with the music. look at the states with their wide range of music genres- classical, rock, punk, pop, even heavy metal, eww. people recognise with these genres, they see themselves as the music is produced. isn't that what music should be all about- allowing people to express themselves through notes and lyrics? linking that to our local music scene, it's sad to note that singapore idol winners are Possibly just another image of another international artiste. people don't connect to their music, and because of that, we failed.

this entry is terribly written. it's all because sushi beckons and i'm going off now. toodles.

SAF is turning 3G right?
so i do believe i make the cut to be a combat engineer.

why?
i play minesweeper all day in office.

this is a toned down version of the actual feelings and emotions bottled inside right now. i'm pissed off. okay, that sounded lame. but yes, i am. i never realised how sickening the bus system is at taoyuan international airport (i wrote the full name of the airport on purpose so people may consider boycotting it and cause the authorities to do something about it, like immediately maybe) until the experience i had today. i sent francis and his friends off at the airport terminal one this evening and started my unexpected long wait at 1745h for a bus to zhongli city. reason why i say unexpected is because the last time i took a bus to zhongli from the airport was after i completed my duties at the airport and that barely took 15mins. so i stood there, back against the wall reading the flight schedules for thai airways and those for the airport. i soon got impatient, i mean frankly just that few pages of useless information could hardly get my mind off the arrival and imminent departure of the bus to zhongli, and started confirming, double-confirming even triple-confirming whether i was waiting at the right area and for the right bus. i would have blown my heads off if i realised i was wrong all the while but come to think of it, i'd rather have had my head blown than wait that agonising while for a bus that i didn't even plan to take in the first place. at 1845h, one hour since i started waiting, a bus that would terminate at taoyuan bus terminal/train station arrived and i decided to board it just in case the driver of the zhongli-bound bus fell asleep at some binglang store. so i took that bus, and got myself to taoyuan city after enduring another 45mins. i took the next train, literally running for it after getting my tickets and helping a couple of indon females to the train to taipei, and soon found my ass in zhongli finally at 2000h. my friend, that took me more than 2hours to get from the airport to a city which was within the same county as the airport; in comparison, it probably would take me less than an hour to get me to taipei city, which is in the neighbouring county, from the airport. urgh, somebody do something about this

i've always been looking forward to the annual singapore arts festival every year and sadly, year after year i've been disappointed time and time again. without a doubt, there has been much changes since the inaugural with the introduction of bringing the arts to a greater portion of the community with an emphasis on the heartlands. this year, it was no different. the opening ceremony will be held in boat quay, and the closing ceremony held at bedok reservoir. both are water themed events so if not for my being in taiwan, i would be really looking forward to the water spectacular event. so i was mentioning about my disappointment, despite all these wonderful changes. the local arts scene in singapore is a bustling one; we boast of world-class orchestras such as our national orchestra and even smaller community ones such as the philharmonic winds; we also have world-class dance groups, and musicians and visual artists and fashion designers and whatelsehavewe. but yet we always tend to forget, we referring to the larger majority of the local population, that we too have a young and bustling arts scene amongst our youths! if our dance scene and music scene is not enough to woo audiences, and for that matter i'm not too sure of their international reputation as well, i'm pretty sure our choral scene is more than 'happening'. when you have a local school choir, aka the Victoria Junior College Choir ranked fourth in the world, or Victoria Chorale, ranked thirteenth in the world rankings, it's surprising that we don't get to perform in this seemingly world-class event; at least, that's what the organisers try to make it to be. look, maybe i was bias in quoting those examples of which i was and am still part of, but nevertheless my point is clear. how come year after year we're not promoting our local youth arts scene, to the world? with the coming youth olympic games in 2010, i really do hope that the organisers can look into this issue at hand. at least give us the oppurtunity to do our part in bringing singapore to the world, because right now you're not.

i realised i really am proud to be a signaller; for some unknown reason, i just am. maybe this is known as successful brainwashing of the organisation i serve my liability in, but i doubt so. there wasn't much brainwashing that was done during my short few weeks of training and i didn't even do much signal work here, so i reckon it could be some unknown reason. then again, come to think of it now, maybe it's because i'm like the only signaller-man i know of here in taiwan. oh wait, i am the only signaller in taiwan. BIATCH.

guess what?

i just sustained another small graze on my knuckle.

i realised i've been getting a lot of unknown cuts recently and i only find them out during the shower when a sudden part of my skin, most of the time my hand, burns in cool running water and a quick look will have that new cut be discovered. thing is, i don't even realise i sustained that cut most of the time. even if i hit myself against something, i don't really stop and do a full body check of any new cuts or bruises. life goes on. i very recently stabbed my middle finger with the end of the metal ruler and goodness, it bled. two alcohol wipes, a quick run under water and then a nice plaster over it had it all taken care of and now there's a cute little hole there where the end of the ruler found its place there just a few days ago. i need to take better care of myself- for the sake of myself, and who knows, the person waiting for me at the altar?

i woke up this sunday morning, half expecting a beautiful sunrise radiating her full glory over the lonely houses that were scattered across the lush green fields of young shoots. i woke up to an alarm instead, and quickly arose from my slumber- one that i didn't fall deeply in in the first place. since then events started falling into place quickly and with a sudden blink of the half-closed eye it is seven in the evening already. i must say i'm feeling rather accomplished right now, but yet there seems to be a world of other things that are just waiting for me to complete. fact is, there isn't much left for me to do. i think i'm stressing myself too much. maybe i need to take a break and expect that sunrise tomorrow morning- the sunrise that i missed today.

is being emotionless an emotion?

it's odd isn't it? people watch watch romantic movies, listen to love songs even read romantic novels, all in the hopes of finding some possibility that they too, like their fictional characters, can find that perfect hollywood love scene- or at least part of it, even a small one will do. we often throw ourselves, unconsciously or at times purposely, at these chances and expect ourselves to experience that warm tingly sensation. it's a gamble isn't it? we're all gamblers of love, aren't we? we know the odds against us are high, very high actually, but yet like a game of poker some of us have already done the "show hand" and lose ourselves uncontrollably. have i lost before, given myself to the clutches of this seemingly dark image of love- the image that people don't know of or rather are unwilling to acknowledge it- yes i have. in fact, let's just say it was a considerable setback in life. question now is, will i gamble again? i will, definitely only this time, i won't be playing with mr hollywood. i was just thinkin, let's raise the stakes, shall we?

this time, i challenge life to this gamble.