be still my soul

Just sent my dear boy into the army today and honestly, my heart sank when I saw him board the bus toward the ferry terminal. I had already half the mind to enter tekong with him, but he told me before boarding to send Chloe off and not follow him up, so I complied. Besides I thought that if I went, I'd be intruding into the final moments he'd have with his parents. Nonetheless the point here is, my heart sank: If my emotions were played out into a movie, it'd be some weird-ass korean drama complete with the cryings and tears.

Later in the day, I went home feeling pretty empty. Before going to bed for a short nap, I brought this before the Lord. I didn't want to bother about the boys that have gone into the army already and in that prayer, released them to the Lord's protection and love. With this, my role as their physical guide and leader takes a temporary halt for the moment. Feeling somewhat better, I went to bed.

As soon as I woke up, I was reminded that my boys were no longer on the mainland with me; they are now all in the island offshore. I then logged into facebook and there I read a status upload by my primary school classmate about letting go, opportunities and further planting of seeds. I adapted that and made it my own status which reads: "Only when you let go, can you then see a new world of opportunities to grab. Look beyond, have hope & faith and start planting new seeds for His glory and majesty."

I went to take a shower next and as I was doing so, I asked God to help me let go AND provide me new sight to see that new world of opportunities to guide, lead and mentor. I felt considerably better inside my spirit and went to school with much peace in my heart.

En route to school, there was quite a jam along the expressway and I played the CD that nick put in the night before. As the car inched ever so slowly minute by minute, the song "Be Still My Soul" played. I couldn't really make out the lyrics of the verse but the title alone speaks volumes. And as the song played, I noticed that I was driving into the sunset and the celestial object was shining its beautiful warm orange-hued rays over me --- it brought me back to the sunrises and sunsets I appreciated while I was in Taiwan.

And I remembered how I used to intentionally pull myself away from the crowds, even my DOS during guard duty, to appreciate the wonderous creation that signifies the start and end of the day. I remembered how I'd look up to the sky, alone, and marvel at the work of His creation. I remembered how I'd talk to God, while walking up the ramp alone, and enjoying His company. I remembered the times when I look up to the sky and see the fading sunlight in the midst of the navy blue, orange sky and know that beyond the clouds, moon, stars and sun, there exists a God who's been there for me and has blessed me. That very same God is blessing me and I am more than blessed.

Though I may have been alone many times in the events that God has graciously led me to, His spirit has never left me nor forsaken me. I look back on all these things with much nostalgia, because I know I can never go back to these places again, and also with much assurance --- that if God has spoken to/ acted to/ assured me in the past, I'm sure He can do it again this time round.

And He did.

My dear boy texted me telling me that he's alright and that I need not worry. Early on in the day, I thought I'd cry when I receive his text. Instead, I was nonchalant about it; I was at peace; I was assured. Praise God!

Now I'm looking forward to the people God's opening my eyes to guide, lead and mentor. I'm looking forward to serving an even greater number of boys-youths. I've said it before that I'm a big boy now, I can handle much --- truth is, inside this 'man' there exists a child, and this child is thankfully, a child of the Most High God. I'm looking forward with much expectancy even though I do miss my boys and love them so, so much. The precious love of God invites others to experience and share that love, and I want to do just that.

"Be still my soul : He will guide for His name's sake"

"Be still my soul
Be still my soul
Cease from the labor and the toil
Refreshing springs of peace wait
To troubled minds and hearts that ache

Be still my soul
God knows your way
And He will guide
For His name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of His grace
Rest in the arms of His embrace

Be still my soul
Be still my soul
Though battles round you rage and roar
One thing you need and nothing more
To hear the whisper of your Lord

Be still my child
I know your way
And I will guide
For my name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of My grace
Rest in the arms of My embrace"

"Be Still My Soul" (Don Moen)

DIvision Retreat 2008

i don't normally post my emo posts online but this one is an exception because this is dedicated specially to my cell group: HOTBULBS and the division.

firstly to my dearest and most beloved cell. whatever i shared with you guys on the last night - that 'speech' really came from the bottom of my heart and i meant every word i said. i know sometimes i repeat things but the fact remains - I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GUYS DO IT, BUT YOU GUYS JUST ROCK. goodness, that sounded like it just came from a secondary school kid, but honestly i don't know how else better to put it. you guys honestly rock and throughout the four night spent with you guys i've learnt so much about you through all that sharing and screaming and shouting and bridging and german-bridging and phototaking and ... the list goes on.... and i realised yet another thing. that the moment you guys left the house was the moment i started missing you guys already. and now that the retreat is over and done with, all i want to do now is to just talk and see you guys again. fellowship and talk and bridge and mahjong (welcome to the club!). and that's precisely how i feel now that it's over and you guys are back home and then just when i want to call or sms you guys, i realise that my phone's not with me. you guys brought me so much joy and laughter that i could forget about the loss of the phone. and i guess it's really because of the company, one that i can never find anywhere else in my life, that made this all worthwhile. i take comfort in the Word where Paul wrote in 1 Cor 15: 58, "Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because YOU KNOW THAT YOUR LABOUR IN THE LORD IS NOT IN VAIN". seeing you guys grow in Christ really have made it ALL worthwhile.

to my fellow leaders - Rachel, Lynn, Salome, Lewis and Gregory, THANKS for making this retreat a successful one despite the tight planning schedule. take comfort in Paul's words as written above! let's all have the holy expectation of seeing our cells grow even Further in and with Christ! i hope the retreat have started something new in your cell, whether it has rejuvenated it or revived it or encouraged it or strengthened it, let us continue to strive for excellence for we do it ALL FOR CHRIST. let us also continue to support one another in ministry and prayer, keeping one another in our thoughts and prayers! david and wilbur, WE MISS YOU!

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to the division and everyone else, thanks for your attendance and participation because really without you all, not only will this retreat be doomed to failure, the division would fall too! thanks to all who have made this a reality! and last but not least, TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. AMEN.