my thoughts, for future use

So my kids Chloe and Nick are back from their China mission trip, and damn am I glad to have them back.

But something else stirred within me this whole day.

How could I, a sinner, be used by God as a leader, camp commandant, or a mentor and witness for myself the transforming power of Christ?

Today, I experienced all three: from the sin to the Camp AAR-cum-thanksgiving to the welcome party for Chloe and Nick.

I recall the vision I had when I was in sec 2: remember the white building in a field? Yea, that one.

I recall the unsettled-ness in me when I was scrolling through MOE's website for teacher recruitment, exam syllabi and NIE post-graduate diploma programme site. It just didn't sit well within me.

To be honest, when my kids recount their experience in China to me, I was truly happy for them --- that they have seen the work and reality of God. But I also know that they barely skimmed the surface of what the Bible terms as "tasting and seeing that the Lord is good"; they were there for barely a week. But yet just as I felt all that immense joy at their growth and spiritual maturity and encounters with God, I know deep within me I just haven't been given the heart for missions, yet. 

Perhaps one day I will be called to be a missionary, perhaps.

But if the abovementioned vision really did come from God, then I'm sure He's gonna prepare me adequately to face the challenges ahead.

I remember praying for myself that though darkness shrouds me and the path before me seems uncertain, even bleak, I know from the Word of God that His very Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Deal with my unbelief Lord!

Help me with my doubts Lord!

Save me from my self-righteousness Lord!

Not my will, but thine be done!

There's just so many emotions and thoughts that is contained within me. I need time to recuperate, reflect and be brought to remembrance not only His goodness to me thus far, but also His Word, vision and calling for me.

I love you Nick,

I love you Chloe,

I'm glad both of you are back.

But more so,

I'm glad God is with you

and my, look how you've grown!

'Tis the joy of your leader!

'Tis the joy of your mentor!

That no ma shall boast in himself,

but in Christ,

 and Christ alone.