"I live for something greater than I"

You know how, for some, the above statement is a mere goal-attaining, motivating statement? Those who fall in this category are those who desire to work hard for things that are, well, greater than themselves. These people include the humanitarian workers, the peace fighters, those who pull children from slavery and the sex trade, even those who build houses and/or distribute food to the needy Africans. In the end those who once had this desire, now find themselves behind a desk doing the usual 9-to-5 routine. That desire that once was, is now dissipated; it is gone.

Today in service I was reminded of this statement. But strangely, and also unlike some of the people that I just mentioned above, I had absolutely no clue as to what this desire was for. All I knew was that I did not squirm when I read passages about suffering for the name of Christ or being considered dishonourable for His sake. I rationalised later on that perhaps the gravity of these verses have yet to sink in, yet I was reminded quickly how God taught me the following lesson during my years in national service.

If God has brought me to it,

------ He'll bring me through it.

If God has brought me to it,

------ He'll take care of the things I leave behind.

So somehow despite all the gloom in those passages, the call to serve Him has not been a command; rather it has been a constant call, almost like a beckoning to do His will. For all I know, maybe the internal struggles I have within me are just the preparation for what He's about to call me into. Perhaps He will make good the vision He gave me when I was in my tender teenage years, perhaps. Maybe He's giving me a completely new appetite, or a new ministerial ground, or even a new heart; these things I inquire of the Lord and yet, I will say "Be patient O my soul, for the Lord your God has heard you and will answer you in His due time".

O there are a myraid of things that have been going through my mind! Not to mention the people and encounters I had during the past week! I tried to put them all down on a sheet of paper and yet I know there are a lot more things in my head than I previously imagined. As I wrote, I listened to the song "Refresh My Heart" by Hillsong (1992) over and over and over again. And all I wanted to do right there and then, was to stop all activity and just praise and bless the name of the Lord. Then it reminded me of how my life from now on, whatever the ministry God calls me into, is simply a relationship with the Lord --- I ain't got no cell leader, or divisional leader; it's just me and the Lord. The people I'm eventually called to minister to are the people I bring before God in prayer; in other words, they don't determine how/ what/ how long I serve --- such things are between me and God.

A few keywords come to mind as I write this out: Obedience, Faith, Patience and Submission. Where, O Lord, are you taking me to! Where, O Lord, do you want me to be? "I want to be where you are, dwelling in your presence, feasting at your table, surrounded by your glory; In your presence, that's where I always want to be... I just want to be with you" (Don Moen).