I wish you were still here.

Today as we usher in the Lunar Year of the Dragon, we also celebrate the presence of our loved ones and friends. We organise reunion meals of all forms --- BBQ, grill, steamboat, pot luck --- and then catch up on each others' lives be it through a decent conversation or mere small talk. Nevertheless it is exactly because we see some value in these social gatherings, that's why we participate in them. In other words, we celebrate each others' presence and lives because we see value in the relationships shared.

But strangely today I was reminded not just of those present around me; I was reminded of those who have gone before us and who have, well gone home. I remember how the New Year celebrations were like with them around and the birthdays we use to celebrate for them. I remember the food they made and the persistent naggings at every of our lil' meetings. I remember the days I'd run down the stairs and the days the kids'd gather in the room and prepare an item for the adults (gosh, I really disliked those mini performances). I really, really missed them.

I wish my brother and sister were with me.

I wish my paternal grandmother was still around.

I wish my gong-gong was still around.

I wish to hold my ye-ye's hand and know him.

I wish my great-grandaunt was here.

There can be a thousand wishes posted here but I know, I know that none of them will ever come true. My only comfort is that they're in good hands (I pray so) and that the Lord is indeed what the Word says He is: sovereign. So in this Lunar New Year, the second 12-year cycle till the Year of the Dragon returns again, I suppose this entry is pretty sobering and humbling to write: That my life is not my own; indeed "To live is Christ and to die is gain // No matter what price I pay, I choose this give this life away"