i woke up this sunday morning, half expecting a beautiful sunrise radiating her full glory over the lonely houses that were scattered across the lush green fields of young shoots. i woke up to an alarm instead, and quickly arose from my slumber- one that i didn't fall deeply in in the first place. since then events started falling into place quickly and with a sudden blink of the half-closed eye it is seven in the evening already. i must say i'm feeling rather accomplished right now, but yet there seems to be a world of other things that are just waiting for me to complete. fact is, there isn't much left for me to do. i think i'm stressing myself too much. maybe i need to take a break and expect that sunrise tomorrow morning- the sunrise that i missed today.

is being emotionless an emotion?

it's odd isn't it? people watch watch romantic movies, listen to love songs even read romantic novels, all in the hopes of finding some possibility that they too, like their fictional characters, can find that perfect hollywood love scene- or at least part of it, even a small one will do. we often throw ourselves, unconsciously or at times purposely, at these chances and expect ourselves to experience that warm tingly sensation. it's a gamble isn't it? we're all gamblers of love, aren't we? we know the odds against us are high, very high actually, but yet like a game of poker some of us have already done the "show hand" and lose ourselves uncontrollably. have i lost before, given myself to the clutches of this seemingly dark image of love- the image that people don't know of or rather are unwilling to acknowledge it- yes i have. in fact, let's just say it was a considerable setback in life. question now is, will i gamble again? i will, definitely only this time, i won't be playing with mr hollywood. i was just thinkin, let's raise the stakes, shall we?

this time, i challenge life to this gamble.

if you see sparks, don't worry.

just continue to connect the wires.

it's perfectly alright.

alright, my ass.

i had sparks all over my face

and then melted metal started spewing everywhere.

don't worry, my ass.

mandopop is all about love

and frivolous being.

i just very recently had a craving for love songs and soon realised that, that feeling of destitute and hopelessness somehow doesn't seem to be crawling back every time i hear the melodies through the headphones. i doubt it is the headphones right? *BLONDE ME* but i guess this is good. i mean this was one of the things that i wanted to achieve, and was also by itself a reason for my agreeing to coming up here. yea, i suceeded.

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So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
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But I don't care what they say,
I'm in love with you,
They try to pull me away,
But they don't know the truth,
My hearts crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.
You cut me open and I,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,
I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
You cut me open.

well, yet another year passes us by just like that. here comes the big day for all junior college students islandwide- the collection of the A-Level results. ask me how i felt before the collection and i can tell you in the face, "GET ME BACKTO MAINLAND NOW!" cause i was in the middle of a reduced version of the sit. test. but let's just say you're probably feeling what hilary and obama are feeling the day before super tuesday. some of you will feel like clinton when you get your results- all happy and jubilant and ready to carry on with your life, only now with a scholarship; or some will feel like obama, beaten in three states and won only one. now look, i ain't no supporter of any political group but if american politics could at least educate us about something, let it be the undying spirit of picking yourself up when you fall down and get moving on with life. life ain't for you to wait for, you live your life day after day and you continue to do so after collecting those damned results.

i did that after collecting mine. if not how would i possibly, ever, come back from that setback. that horrible horrible setback. i would never forget that day i received that slip. i would never forget the sunday that week when i went to church and cried before the Lord. i would never forget all that has happened. there's just no way.

looking back now, everything comes together in the Lord's plan for me. everything i went through made me the person i am today, and Thank God for that. though i wish things would have gone a different path for me, i know somehow that at the end of the day, my God still holds me firmly in his hand, and Thank God He will never ever let me go.

now you fellas, go out there and have that spirit.

all the best fellas.