pushing myself is a push itself

i must admit that these 2 days of school really needed a great push of myself. since sunday after chorale's concert, i didn't want to go back to school on monday. dreading it because i had chem mock spa skill A of which i didn't study for, it was so darn obvious i had to resort to several of my ancient havent-been-touched-for-a-long-time tricks of Sec 2 to help me along. woah- the feeling was as if i was living in the war times, where someone is watching every single move you make. scary eh? hahaha.

just coming to school was a drag.
it was just bad.

wanna noe something new? i'm back at pasir ris to blog this entry. not that everything here has returned to normal, but rather this place just serves to be an alternative home for me. so now i rotate around 2 homes, one at marine parade, the other at pasir ris. hahaha. the reason why i came back tonight was because i wanted to get my levi jeans- going out tml mahx. hahha. so must wear nice nice. damn, i sound naggy.

now that they are talking to me, i don't want to respond. i can't be bothered. not that i'm being petty over ancient issues, but as i blogged before, the incident of my falling sick was the last straw, i cannot take it lahx. really. and now that they are trying to talk to me, well... i find it so fake. not that i dun want them to talk to me, but the point is: bah! i dunnoe. actually the point is that they lost my trust, my faith, my belief that they would change. they went out at 10pm dunnoe for wat, didn't tell me the reason, jut left the house telling me only that they were going out. well, heck. carnt be bothered. they just came back, again without saying anything to me. except for my dad who asked me whether i needed to go to school tml. i couldn't be the least bothered about it, so just gave one word answers. settled. my mum comes and asks the SAME question. tell me about being fake. i didn't respond at all.

to resolve things here, i tell you the truth.
i don't think it will ever happen.
i've done what i could.
not yet a burden or a liability
more of an irritant.

sorry. i just needed to blog about this whole shit again.

some last pe.

year 2s had their gp prelims exam today, i heard it was tough, and to some extent its quite true lahx. on frist look, i really wouldn't know what question to do lohx. hahaha. one about fearing art and tv, and another talking about whether females should continue to portray themselves as the weaker sex. i was telling suelynn that the gp paper machiam a NUS social science paper. really wat- nothing about science lahx. all about society and society and... alright fine, it was also abotu behaviour. but who cares? it still falls under the social science category. hahaha.

but its so exciting!

NUS/ UniMelb social science department! taking their papers and stuff...

in due time, it'll be my turn! :)

so exciting right?

had pe today. hahha. last pe somemore, till after the promos for us. like omgosh right? how time flies. ahhaha. but everything started out damn slow lahx. we were asked to like take down the national flags after national day. hahaha. so yea, we walked out of school, carrying the state flag like some warrior, damn fun lahx. after that, we had inter-class games. there was floorball, soccer, rugby?, basketball, all sorts lahx. hahaha. so the majority of the class played floorball and i must say it was AWESOME! played against 05S28, and thrashed them 8-3! like omgosh! hahhaa. so damn awesome. everybody was playing liek super fast, i scored 2 goals, dan too. francis was assisted and scored tons also. was awesome lahx. the whole thing! LOL. it was real fast play lahx. the other half of the class (ie. the other team) took like 7mins to score 3goals. hahaha. damn fun lahx. hahaha. passing was like darn good, speed was there, shooting was super accurate. wth, it was just awesome. hahaha.

if only there was an inter-class games day after promos.

05S43: champions in floorball.

no need to imagine or dream.

i believe it will come true.

mwahahha! listening to "making love out of nothing at all" by Air Supply.

romantic song seh- LOL. with all the electric guitar and drums, but hey the lyrics are like- WOAH!

gonna listen to "two less lonely people in this world" also by AIr Supply like... now.

to dan: hey, this song is dedicated to ya dude!

really good talking to ya again and knowing we're in the same situation,

made me feel a lot better knowing that there's someone out there

who really understands how i feel.

bro, i want you to know that you're in my prayers,

take care dude! catch up soon yea?

you always tell me this and i say the same to you now:

hakuna matata.

time is really the test of true friendship.

if after a preiod of time not communicating with one another,

and you find yourself being still able to talk about the same things you talked about before the seperation,

well that's true friendship- knowing that there's this person out

there who cares for and understands you

thanks dan.

reminiscing.

like how time flies. it was just in may that i saw rey, bryan and kh, and now seeing them and having dinner with them again, the feeling's like wow. besides, we met up in vs first -alma mater, thy sons are we before going to dinner. met sanjay in school, talked a whole lot of cock and crap but hey it's 4B'04, what can i say man?

been quite mad today. had pizza hut lunch after chem lecture, a record no. of 17 people came. like WOW. hahaha. thinking math make up tuorial was at 2pm thanks to cam, we left the hut at 2.05pm. hahaha. mr wong call seh like a big shot. hahha. damn funny, then we rushed back to school. hahahaha. reached there in time, well i suppose. hahhaa

anyway, i'm, freaking tired now.

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...

damn tired lahx

damn tired today. slept at 1am last night, woke up at 6.30am, machiam a 5hour sleep seh. argh. slept during physics lecture, not surprising. i reckoned the whole LT was sleeping lahx. haix. one by one, all the people in my row started to sleep. hahaha. me, chinchong, waihan, mingfern, yawen... all slowly knocked off. ahhaha. damn funny. ahhaha. but seriously lahx. the lecturer machiam like a jigglypuff lahx. sing a lullaby. wah liew. sian... cannot don't sleep wan lohx. haix. *shakes head.

oh. i'm so infatuated with romeo and juliet. i dunno why. the words, the emotions and the feelings evoked in the story were like WOW to me. woah. mind-blowing. hahaha. damn nice. love scene 2, act 2 especially. so sweet and romantic. like WOW. ahhaha. never fails to impress me. i've tempted to read king henry IV next. i dunno why. hahhaa. but that was the supposed book that the ministry put on the web when i was searching for the literature core syllabus in sec 2. that was why i didn't take lit core. damn. hahaha. so misleading. instead they did twelth night. hahaha. i did julius ceaser in S2, was typically fun. ahhaha.

so lit-ty-fied today. hahaha.
enjoy!
[ w h a t i d o n ' t k n o w ]

crapped up message---> not the nat'l day message.

i so happened to chance upon my alma mater's website today just to awaken my sleeping senses to the new message from the principal himself in response to all the buzz that the report of vs turning co-ed caused. to me: its bullshit. don't come up with excuses for it. even my classmates who so happened to be NOT from vs agreed with me without hesitation. surprise me.

the authority has stated that the media has "distorted our purpose and intent" of the proposal of changing the way of teaching in the school. what a load of crap. the new paper's report on the 19 Aug 2005 clearly stated that "MOE confirmed receiving the proposal and said it had asked the school to submit a detailed proposal of its overall long-term plan for evaluation.". so what "distortion" is he talking about? what change of teaching is he referring to? its basically a bull. damn it. what do you mean by you cannot "reveal the full contents of the draft"? after all this has happened WHILE YOU WERE IN CHINA, i think we deserve a better explanation. do borrow the question asked by my tutor today, "want to give excuses also must think lah..", your excuses are a full load of crap. and hell yea, i'm getting angry.

victorians cannot be comfortable with the possibility of us going co-ed. that's the problem. if remaking vs means turning vs to a co-ed school. please don't use the school name anymore. change it. it is of great pride to the alumnus and it would be a great shame if girls were to use that name as their alma mater in time to come.

to readers: sorry for th language used. but frankly, such languages are reserved for times such as these.

sick. damn it.

argh. fell sick last night around 11pm like that. came out of the shower feeling damn cold. damn it. then i had to study for chem lecture test today, so i took the jacket and went to the living room, huddled in the couch and studied there. of course slept lahx. damn it. hahaha. but managed to cover quite a bit. so i guess it wasn't that wasted after all.

no panadol at home, so i took the kiddy paracetemol. physicians/ aspiring doctors dun fault me for calling it kiddy. felt a bit better this morn. supposed to have pe and wanted to go. ain't i dumb? but i didn't lahx. thnx to sam and dajie. stayed up at the canteen to continue studying for the chem test. i'm such a mugger. still felt sick and feeling crap. yea.

had chem mock spa for skill B, something i didn't study for. damn. so i went it without any idea how to do thwe report, but thank God, He sustained me through. so time passed by like that. didn't get to finish the report- a few words left. but heck. then had chinese which i must miraculously say was pretty fun. hahaha. am i turning cheena-fied? but it was funny and good lohx. at least that kept me awake. hahaha. she let us off 10 mins earlier for us to revise chem test- awesome! then had chem lecture test. finished the paper, but not all the questions. such an irony! hmmm. but point is, i did my best, gave my all, and now pray for the best.

i'm still feeling sick- slight chest pains. headaches. a bit of joint pains. btu thank God: not feeling cold.

still feeling irritated at the vs turning co-ed thing. it aches my heart everytime i hear or see of it.

dun you even think i've forgotten about it.

-nil sine labore-

vs going co-ed? i will NEVER say yes.

what an irony! you guys still recall doing an english essay on the pros and cons of schools becoming co-ed? to think that we are actually bringing in those points into this situation. what an irony!

if beating DHS is all that we care about, well i think there would be no end to this 'competition'. it is a pretty obvious fact taht vs can not only do substantially well in the academics but also excel in the various ccas. after beating dhs, who can we beat? ri? rgs? chs? sji? and after becoming the top school eventually in singapore, who can we challenge? regional schools? international schools? there is no end to such competition.

it is meaningless to thus talk about how becoming co-ed allows vs to rise up the rankings. we are basically arguing over something so simple. such an action will only bring about short term effects? what about long term?

what about our 129 years of fine tradition of being an all-boys school. and for that matter, the only government all- boys school? where is the pride that victorians have? its disappointing to know that old victorians could possible have fueled such ideas into actions. it only goes to show that we take pride in this instituition only when it is going through the good times. but what about times such as these? do we go co-ed at the expense of our rich tradition and culture? it has taken literally hundreds of batches of boys to bring us thus far. doing such things will only nullify all the efforts of the old victorians.

once a victorian, always a victorian. i wonder who will find pride in this school if the proposal was accepted, knowing the vs that we once knew is never the same again.

if the proposal is accepted, let us wait another 129 years for the new batches of students to realise that whatever they've done is equivalent to zero.

then they'll know and finally understand what the 129 years of past batches are feeling now.

NIL SINE LABORE

accomplished feelings

to dan: hey bro! hahha. know you're pretty upset over chinese and stuff, but hey look on the bright side yea? i dunno whether you wanna retake it, but hey anything's possible. marie got a pass for orals and a b3, but in the nov paper she got an A2. so yea bro- anything's possible. do your best, look to God for that's where your help comes from dude! remember your fav verse? haah. ~yea~ things have been gng on pretty alright here... not much development. hahahaha. but its been real good hearing from ya again!

back to today's entry

and so i slept at 1am last night, preparing stuff for cell, realising how much fun it was to prepare and type out worksheets for them to complete. hahaa. thriller. woke up at 9am this morning, a miracle really for me to be able to do that! went church, normal stuff. yea. 3pm service was ablast! jerry played the piano and the synthe at the same time lahx. like how cool is that? hahhaa. damn fun. then glenn, roberto, ray and girlie- wooohooo! real God-given talents. hahaha. Praise God for them! hahha.

went macs after 7pm service to do a bit of homework. so proud of myself! i finished complex numbers and my econs data response qns! hahha. feeling so accomplished now. hahha.

but yet there isn't a smile on my face.
i wonder why?

hello innerself and my emotions!

this is the third time i'm writing this entry. from proper entries to a poem
well, here it goes:

an empty bottle
lies at the bottom of the seas
with nothing inside
not even water.

even the fishes
know where they belong at
something so basic
something so simple.

uncomprehendable
inexplicable.
its happened. and yes its true.
i am that bottle.

happy national day *the ratzmatazz*

and so it was; waking up at 10am to pass the red tie to senior william who needed it urgently at tampines mrt station. took a bus 10 down not realising the air con wasn't exactly working, so i sorta perspired like a sauna. yea- that bad. alighted at concourse, took a 16 to somerset to meet vs4b classmates. really excited to see them after such a long period of time. [ then again come to think of it, last time i saw them was in may. is that long? ] so anyway, i was an hour early. so i went window shopping at wisma and heeren before meeting them to catch Wedding Crashers.

the movie aside first, lemme run through my day.

after the movie, went walking around at taka, not doing anything much but just eating like swines. hahah. i had an auntie anne's pretzel. [damn, that sounded pretty wrong. but hey- where were we?] then went to centrepoint to have dinner; rey and i at the starhub centre foodcourt, while kh, elias and bryan went macs. they da bao, while rey and i had it there and then. proceeded to raffles city to watch the fireworks. real cool this year. ended off with a real big bang! love fireworks! hahah. the glamour and the glitz [ can be used vice versa right? ] was really quite spectacular. but knowing me, i always feel that no matter how good people may say, there are always improvements to be made. i'll jsut list them out yea?

1. why not have speakers/ amplifiers along the streets so that others [ who are unfortunately deprived of a seat; like me ] can enjoy the music. i mean suntec city has a convenient television placed strategically along the roads so that people can view the live telecast. what's the point of having pictures but no sound? besides, if there were speakers and amplifiers i feel more Singaporeans can sing the national anthem together. don't gimme the crap that we won't sing it > who knows? nobody experimented. during the fireworks display, there were a few foreigners around me. they watched the display without much content and satisfaction, probably cause they saw something similar or even better displays in their homeland? wat could probably make the difference - making SIngapore with the X-factor - i wonder.


2. i was just wondering if it was ever possible to have the Singapore Airlines/ SilkAir plane to do a aerial display too. not that sorta fly in a circle stunts, but just simple flying across. i mean its been a bore to see the same old things over and over again be it on land or in the sky, something different could change the atmosphere yea? like instead of the chinook carrying the flag, why can't our national airline carry it? just a possibility. yeah.


and so we have it. now back to my day. after the display, wanted to play pool at hotel meridian? but walked in the opposite direction towards bugis. woah! big difference eh? hahah. so we ended up in parco not accomplishing a lot. but hey- bryan got a litle sick, so bro: if you're reading this, hope you're alright by now? :)

we now return to the movie.

quite a funny show actually. but revolting to know that people actually laugh when they remember the scenes. not that its wrong to recall scenes, but to laugh at that sort of content... well it speaks a lot of how society has changed from a predominantly conservative one to a bold experimental and adventurous one. story was cliche, but nonetheless heartwarming [ a bit lahx ]. but true love is when the lives of 2 people meet at a juncture where their souls intertwine and become as one unit. that's wat i learnt. be yourself. that's probably one of the greatest gifts you can give to your partner, other than your unconditional love care and concern. yea.but crashing weddings to get girls?

get a life.

class gathering today's turnout was MUCH MUCH better than the past events. yeah. was really fun just mingling with all of them! woohoo-
05S43 ROX

yeah. was really cool stuff. after dinner and batman [we watched 3 movies- mr and mrs smith, initial D and batman begins!], we went out to kembangan mrt field there. zy, dan, tim and francis played soccer on the field, while zihua, karfu, louisa and i were just talking on the pavement. hahaha. was fun jsut crapping around the phone and the mp3 players. hahaha. supposed to have countdown to our nation's bdae lohx. but then right... we play and play and play so much that we forgot all bout it. LOLX. so never mind lohx. just prank call ppl. hahaha. first was ms rajan- call le, she pick up, first thing she hear is some "happy national day!" machiam like her bdae like taht. so no meaning lohx. hahaha. but it was just plain fun crapping around. then nxt was cam. first time call him, he kena du lan. hahaha. then second time, he knew it was francis pranking the call. hahaha. damn slack- he claimed he was tired... hmmm... *we wonder*

but it was just fun. nth but just plain fun. hahaha.

left that place at about 12.20am? yeah- about there lahx. lol. reached home at bout 1am. haha. so anyway, there's no buses serving the district this late, so it was either i took a cab, walk home or run home. hahaha. i just had this conviction of running today. so you know wat? i RAN home from the mrt station, carrying a sling bag of which it kept swinging front and back not really allowing me to run properly. so i reached home in13mins. hahaha. not bad le lahx. carry sling bag, never stop halfway. hahaha. if you guys know where mj is, well that's the dist i ran. hahaha.

the one-am run home.

class gathering today's turnout was MUCH MUCH better than the past events. yeah. was really fun just mingling with all of them! woohoo-
05S43 ROX

yeah. was really cool stuff. after dinner and batman [we watched 3 movies- mr and mrs smith, initial D and batman begins!], we went out to kembangan mrt field there. zy, dan, tim and francis played soccer on the field, while zihua, karfu, louisa and i were just talking on the pavement. hahaha. was fun jsut crapping around the phone and the mp3 players. hahaha. supposed to have countdown to our nation's bdae lohx. but then right... we play and play and play so much that we forgot all bout it. LOLX. so never mind lohx. just prank call ppl. hahaha. first was ms rajan- call le, she pick up, first thing she hear is some "happy national day!" machiam like her bdae like taht. so no meaning lohx. hahaha. but it was just plain fun crapping around. then nxt was cam. first time call him, he kena du lan. hahaha. then second time, he knew it was francis pranking the call. hahaha. damn slack- he claimed he was tired... hmmm... *we wonder*

but it was just fun. nth but just plain fun. hahaha.

left that place at about 12.20am? yeah- about there lahx. lol. reached home at bout 1am. haha. so anyway, there's no buses serving the district this late, so it was either i took a cab, walk home or run home. hahaha. i just had this conviction of running today. so you know wat? i RAN home from the mrt station, carrying a sling bag of which it kept swinging front and back not really allowing me to run properly. so i reached home in13mins. hahaha. not bad le lahx. carry sling bag while running, so late- must be tired, never stopped halfway somemore! hahhaa. so fun lahx.
if you guys know how far mrt station is to mj, yea. that was the distance i ran.

my first experience running on the roads with a sling bag without stopping. yea.
real cool. hahhaa.
- turning into a sporty person. woohoo!

" Lord empower me;
like a rushing rive flowing to the sea.
Lord send you holy spirit flowing out through me
Till i'm living as your child- victorious and free
send the power of you love, Empower me. "

i tried- i really did.

i really tried to return to my old self of singlehood.
not that i was attached before.
but the feelings that accompany them
- argh. it aches me.

seeing you was funnily strange.
talking to you, well i cannot explain.
but one thing's for sure
i've not forgotten you.

the feelings that i had
still remain bottled up inside
though i've handed this to the almighty God,
i've still cannot forget.

Lord, teach me how to let go.
it ain't easy, now i know.
thanks for the revelation of truth.
now help me forget.

please.
please please.
i don't want to see this friendship go
down down down
down down
down
:
please.

words. the power of it.

i dunno. i just had this feeling to do this today and i dunno why. but i'll follow my instincts.

to ben: sorry i made that remark that day. dunno whether you still remember, but i won't post it up here. i was just being cranky and all. i know it might not be a good reason to explain my remarks, but i really felt quite bad saying it to you. sorry yeah?

damn. throat's getting worse.
buit by His stripes will we be
made WHOLE.

physics spa tml. *gasps*

physics spa's on tomorrow and i'm as tired as a... errr.. monkey? hahha. to think i can still retain my humour at this sort of situation. but at least i studied. so gonna chiong for it tml. mwahahaha! laughing is good. especially when you're stressed. but i'm not stressed- does that mean i cannot laugh? but shouldn't laughing be a natural thing when you see something funny happening? then again, how do you define funny? F U N N Y- well that to some may be funny, but to me, well its mild. real mild. tickle me elmo. elmo laughs. maybe he's stressed too. maybe because he broke up with grover, his hairy pal. or maybe he's stressed over the work schedules- you know higher demand for sesame street, that's why he has to supply more jokes so as to make the kids in school laugh? maybe this is the true reason why people study economics. to study how elmo and his sesame street gang work. so that's for the american economists. the japanese economists will study pokemon and digimon work behaviour and attitudes towards their jobs as celebrities. laughing is only when you're stressed?

don't be silly.
i'm just deluded.

- throat hurts.
waiting for you sweet kiss of relief.
mmmmmmm.
nice.

some naming game.

munch. munch. munch.

[ having dinner at the com ]

had pe today. and as usual mr wee gave me a new name.

darrel.
terrence.
joshua.
jared.
daniel.

i wonder wat's next.

oh. thank you you mr wee.