i don't like this feeling at all.

nope, not a single bit of it.

the question comes with the fatigue

and prayerfully, goes with the sleep

and it is making me rather sick.

when will it be my turn? it echoes on

i try to respond and provide an answer

but fact is, even if it finally is my turn,

i don't want it. i'm sick of it.

it is nobody's fault. no, not you; not even me.

cause it's a feeling i always get,

and for what reason i'm still left wondering.

but one thing remains true:

i wonder how life would be like with you.

i'm home.

i'm feeling strange though.

maybe that's what this ten days are for

- for me to adapt back to the ol' ways.

so if you see me in the streets

listening to some random mandarin music

forgive me, but i do suppose the music helps.

家，到底是哪里?

2007年06月22日
是世界庆祝我19年前诞生的那一天；
但也是我一生以来最难忘的旅途的开始。

单独坐在暴满的飞机上
却感受不到百人的存在
默默仿佛只听得到心话
而周围渐渐的被模糊。

遗忘了，什么都忘了。

刚抵达机场的我
拖着笨重的行李
着急在人海中寻找某人
啊！找到了！
我们“回家”吧。

其他细腻的事我都忘了， 什么都忘了。

一年前的我不敢相信
一年的时间会一转眼的过去
但现在的我终于明白
世上是没有不可能的事。

我在这里该做得都做了
反而觉得有时付出了太多
但这一年来都没被夸过
一声感谢词都没有
使我觉得我的功劳到底有多值得

啊！遗憾， 这是遗憾吗？

对于我在这里交的朋友
我是无法形容，
只能说认识他们是我的荣幸
也是我的幸福
没有他们的陪伴
这一年以来都不会好过
现在临走之前的我
只能够好好珍惜剩下几天的陪伴
为我们的友谊的未来抱着永恒的希望。

这，真的是遗憾吗？

不。我付出的这么多
上帝已十倍的补偿给我
那么丰富的经验，乐与赏
我都得到了。

但这个旅途总有一天会结束
而结束的那一天就即将来临
我不遗憾
我不伤心
我绝对一滴眼泪也不会付出
因为我知道未来有多么的开心，
再次能见到你们会有多么幸福
- 我抱着这么的希望迈向未来

过几天，2007年06月22日会再次重复
我离家，回家去了。

it took me more than a day to figure out why i've been feeling fatigued since 8pm tonight, and it came as a surprise though it actually wasn't. okay, word of grammatical caution here, i'm typing this entry with a more-asleep-than-awake mind so forgive the grammar, worse, the punctuation.

so the reason was... of the happy hour. even after half a day's rest and the night's rest on the 18th, it seems to me that all that amount of sleep was simply not enough for my body. TOO LITTLE he screams, oh well. so it's little wonder i was getting all sleepy at 8pm but guess what; i decided to not sleep only because of the fact that tomorrow's a saturday and we all know that saturday mornings are perfect for sleeping in. so i'm not going to waste that oppurtunity, considering that this friday and saturday will be my last 'friday' and 'saturday' of my tour here. come to think of it, it's pretty depressing.

another thing i must must say is this: i was wondering why people work so hard sometimes, like what's the purpose of it all? to get the promotion, a compliment or something else? it gets worse when the person you're working for doesn't acknowledge your work or even recognise your efforts, but rather simply gives you the 'highest' grade second to one which requires a mandatory further effort, such as a testimonial. i've always been an advocate of the phrase "DO YOUR BEST" but honestly it gets tough doing so if whoever you're working for doesn't give you the recognition that your work deserves. and i say this as follower/ worker of one year plus; imagine those who have been working like cows and not have those who squeeze their udders even utter a simple word of thanks.

i said this this evening and i say it again, for records' sake and for those idiots out there: why bother working so hard when you're not even appreciated for it. if you don't get appreciated, screw it; just get bloddy used to it.

last night was a beautiful night with a near full moon. there was so much laughter and good wishes whizzing around the mess; the atmosphere was awesome. it was also to be my last happy hour at the mess, and it's a good thing it didn't disappoint. kelvin who was to end his tour this morning ie. as seen from yesterday, tomorrow, was obviously the main target while i, happily had both legs up on the table. well, in actual fact i was hiding from them. what a bummer. but after the whole lets-dump-kelvin-into-the-fish-pond saga, the fun didnt just stop there. oh no, there was more to come and it sure did all the way till the early dawn.

there was the drinkin. no not beer, though i had a half-yard of that (approx 2 cans), we had alcohol. i reckon we finished at least 4 - 5 full bottles of alcohol yesterday. and when i say we, i mean a group of say 8 people. did i mention we also finished whatever was left in the Other bottles. so amidst all that drinking there was also the talking which honestly was the highlight of the night. that camaraderie and the brotherhood here-- not like any girl reading this would totally connect with except for those semi-deluded, semi-insane females who chose to sign on-- was unmatched. after the bull-talking, what's a happy hour without singing. rather, shouting. but at that already about-to-go state of mind, the line that makes shouting and singing distinct from each other immediately disappears. it doesn't just slowly fade away, it just simply disappears. and i, had to make it all more fun. as soon as someone picks up the microphone to 'sing', immediately i'd concoct a potent potion for them to drink after they're done. that was equally awesome. i remember one to be half green tea, quarter kaoliang (58%), quarter absolut vodka (40%). that was awesome. and another shot to be half kaoliang (58%) and half sheridians (40%). tell me i'm an ass in the mess. HEY IT RHYMES.

didn't bother sleeping after that fiasco and went straight to the airport to send kelvin off, who was still slightly tipsy but oh well, he's got a wife. one of the many joys of marriage huh. and then, i came back and very obviously slept. fast forward time and here i am, with my understudy sitting diagonally behind me. his arrival heralds a new era, and will also quickly bid farewell to mine. YES, I'LL BE BACK IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK.

but not before i finish the alcohol left in the mess with friends so close you'd call and know them as brothers.

ah yes, the 510th entry to mark a very important announcement:

25 SEPT IS THE MAGICAL DATE

FINALLY, IT'S MY TURN TO GO HOME

i've got plans

and commitments already,

your extracted wisdom teeth

will not stop me, so come up la.

on the other hand, take your time:

come up with the load of them;

that'll leave me with the same

number of days of work, as my leave.

ie. no work.

so i got really irritated

and took the shotgun off the wall

and fired two warning shots

into His head.