okay so this entry is long overdue considering that the content of this entry all took place within a short time frame of just an hour yesterday. and as you may already have guessed and probably wondering how i did for the A's, i didn't do exceptionally well. here are my results:

B- Chemistry
C- Mathematics
C- Physics
B3- General Paper

frankly if you were to ask me how i'm feeling about my results now even after a night's rest, i must really say that i'm still rather confused over my feelings even. not that i was caught unprepared cause i scored D for chemistry, E for mathematics, E for physics and a B3 for GP and they already informed us that we can all expect a two grade improvement at the A's (which as you can see, did happen). SO i was informed and i was somehow mentally prepared for the grades really.

but what caught me by surprise really was my chemistry and GP grade. Chemistry has always been my strongest science subject and i really thought i could ace my chemistry so when i got a B, although i should have expected the B i still nonetheless thought i would get an A.AND for general paper, B3 was a grade that i really never expected to get. that to me was the biggest disappointment to me. and so when everybody in school were talking about their results- knowing where i come from, there was some sense that i let down not just myself but the school as well. ah, that inferiority complex i suppose.

i should have known better.

(thought) but even till now, i do not regret myself dropping econs after first three months. maybe PC M E was a mistake in itself. maybe i should have taken arts or done art right at the beginning. BUT then again, when i think of all these things i start to really wonder that if i didn't take that combination, S43 would never have been part of my life.

right now, i don't even know what i want. douglas messaged me last night to not worry about anything; but pray for everything. let God know what i want and still nonetheless thank Him for all that He's helped me with- which i must say was A LOT. but i don't even know what i want from this results. i suppose all of us have dreams and ambitions and right now this results somehow seems to be a stumbling block to all of that.

then again, when i think about it again if God could cause an endless supply of oil in the 12 empty jars, i shouldn't worry about how He can use my results for His purpose in me. but i guess i'm only human. i need time for it settle in and really consider what i want to do.

all i know is that i've done my utmost best in the subjects that i sat for- believed i wrote the best GP essay i've ever done; did all i could for physics and mathematics within the time frame, and i suppose that i could have done a lot worse than i did. so before i conclude this entry, let me give God all the Glory.

To God be the Glory.
show me Lord.