pain in the mouth

argh. damn it. just extracted my tooths yesterday; 2 of them! irritating. but it wasn't as bad as the last extraction. the pain now is due to the fact that the dentist placed rubberbands in between my molar teeths. so irritating and painful lahx. the rubber was stretched first, thn placed in between the teeth. now its going back to its original shape and thus it pushes the teeth apart. damn painful and sore lahx. irritating. can't even eat jelly today lahx. stupid.

i haven't been online for so long that i've begun to be not used to the keyboard. haix. poor me.

these few days, i don't know why i've been alone by myself for many occasions. walking home, in my room, on the bus, in the train- all these activities and more were done all by myself. i've been so alone these few days. but the complaint's not that i'm bored and want more friends but rather, when i'm alone, all sorts of thoughts rush up to my head. not any ordinary thoughts, but thoughts that i should not be bothered with, but want me to bother it? hahha. no meaning. *i know* but this is the consitant thought that has been 'plaguing' me.

should i give her up? or should i not. i'm so tired of playing this game. but when i started to sms her again, haix. the feeling was not the same. it was rejuvenated. it seemed as if i was back to square 1. for many occasions, i thought about this, and recently, zuoyi lent me his cd. some sentimental instrumental cd. i was thinking about this problem and was listening to the cd at the same time. the music made me think a lot. to such an extent that i imagined her standing in front of me. but then, at the bilnk of an eye, she disappeared. i nearly broke down. till i took out a pc of paper and started to write my feelings down. that 'essay' is filled with nothing but sadness and anxiousness.

damn it. i really hate those feelings. really.
wanna tell her. but she's only S2. with so many ccas and stuff, i wonder whether she can cope if we do be together.
i dun wanna be the selfish idiot who thinks for no one but only himself.
i dun wanna be the person who cause her entire life to be overturned becuase of one wrong move.
all i want is to be with her.
but many things stop me. many many things.
i'm tired. weary about all that's happening.
joel tang: how can you have a crush for 7years?
i can't even survive for these few months.

*gosh*
if anyone of you knows wat i should do,
please tell me.
please please tell me.....