plainly; i want to don that sweater you hand knitted for me, sit by the bedside and slowly, just slowly sift through all the old photographs we took of each other; remembering, that somehow, perhaps, in the distance i can catch that familiar laughter of yesteryear. i clung on tightly to every parchment in my hands trying, with what my body and spirit was capable of to feel your skin brush gently against mine, or to wipe those tears streaming down your wrinkled face, or to run my fingers through your grey-white hair. oh, they were beautiful. yes, you were beautiful, and it pains me even more so that, all my life i have never said that to you; and now saying it alone, to myself, it seems foolish all of a sudden how something so stark, so apparent could have not caught my attention. oh no. that's not true. you did exactly so back then, when at a call of your name you turned your head with such feminine grace and your then-black hair gently swept across the air, floating seamlessly, finally landing neatly on your womanly shoulders. i could never forget that moment for it was a moment of sheer beauty and like they always say, beauty only happens once. but right now even as the fireplace burns, and her yellow-orange hues spread evenly across the room, there will always, always be some nook, some cranny that this light can never reach; it remains dark, it remains unspoken of for there is only regret.

.

(please don't think too much of this. i'm just tired out from the labour of the day and as always whenever i am fatigued, words such as these flow but they mean nothing. however feel free to give me your comments about it, ha. i do wish to learn and improve)

i don't really want to generalise this but recently within four days i have experienced the lack of graciousness in Singaporeans during the rush hours, and honestly i'm really starting to wonder whether we are really practising what we promote ourselves to be --- that Singapore is a Gracious City.

in the first incident which happened on a train back to the heartlands from the city area, a fight nearly broke out between two men. they were not young, or so i think, so maybe that could be a factor - age and their old-fashioned ideas, whatever they were. and then there was the second incident that took place on a bus; this time it involved two women who are probably both in their forties and no, there wasn't a fight but in lieu of it there was this "public humiliation" from one to another that she was pushing her when the bus was Moving. uhhuh, you're probably going like DUH.

look the point i'm trying to make here is this. we all know it is the rush hour, and we all want to rush home for various reasons. some need to cook dinner, some need to pick up their kids, and of course there are those channel eight hardcore fans who would want to catch the latest episode of the 7pm drama serial. we all have our reasons for going back that early, thus the rush hour, thus the squeeze, thus the packed-like-sardines situation. can't we all just have a bit of patience and show that little amount of graciousness to others, like us, just for that few minutes?

if someone steps on your toes, literally or figuratively; or if someone really is intruding on your personal space, of course not TOO close; can't we all just say "Excuse me...." or at least a "Sorry but you are...." nicely, instead of a push or a sarcastic remark?

don't take this personally but i think if you really don't like all this rushing and the squeezing on the trains and buses, then don't take the public transport during those times. isn't it better to show a bit more grace to our fellow countrymen than to shovel and scream in their ears as if they haven't already had a good and fulfilling day already (have you ever thought you're just making it worse for those who got it Real bad that day and then imagined if that person was you; id feel like crap above the crap i already feel at work in the day)

i believe that before someone sells his/her product the person needs to believe in the product first, if not he'd be lying and any further questioning could very well cost him the lack of sales. let us all practice what we promote ourselves to be : Singapore is a Gracious City.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger. "

(Proverbs 15: 1)

with the american presidential election looming, i cannot help but take notice of how the debates are getting from prodessional to personal. sure it's democracy and votes do matter in such a free state as the us. but let's take a step further and think about the effects these personal attacks would have on the country. in a time when the country is in peril' in chaos; needs strong leadership, such personal attacks that remain on the back of the minds of the people, might prove to be a hindering block to the president (whoever he or she may be) when he/she needs to unite the americans. after all, we all know that unity is strength. i wonder whether there are any people out there thinking about the personal statements the previous presidential nominee made about the current president and how that can actually affect their belief in him, the system, the instituition and ultimately the state.

so this got me thinking: is this a natural flaw of democracy?

okay i think this would be a relatively short entry, of course not considering the pseudopoems i wrote before, but yes i believe this should be a relatively short entry.

to start it off, i went back to parent unit today. okay pause for a moment, could you feel the excitement i had in that statement> ah yes, no. true enough, i was not looking forward to going back to stagmont. but somehow i recall telling myself "we're going back to where it all began" as i trudged up the slopes to where the office was. so i spent literally half a day not doing anything except for entertaining myself with my good ol' book and the other quarter shredding papers. here's the interesting part. it was the last quarter which got me rather aquainted with the present staff there, considering the fact that the staff that i knew before i left overseas were all gone, and i actually want to go back there again. it's a happy place you know, where the atmosphere is all lively and jovial; and my only fear is that once Boss comes back, everything screams FUNERAL / CHINESE ORCHESTRA.

on other news, i was wondering why we army guys don't have a SINGAPURA on our shoulder board and the navy/ airforce men do. i'm not referring to commissioned officers or warrant officers, i'm talking about the men. odd isn't it, or maybe i'm just ignorant about it?

another interesting sight today at the coffeeshop whilst having dinner. the father buys two plates of rice. he places it down on the table. he starts eating. the domestic helper, carrying the child on her laps takes the other plate of rice and starts feeding the child. the father carries on eating, seemingly oblivious. the child looks intently at the father. are we becoming too reliant on these domestic helpers in raising our children to such an extent that the responsibilities of parenting are now being transferred to the shoulders of these foreigners?

okay, i said it SHOULD be short so maybe i was wrong.

found this off the net, translated from mandarin

[shoots, i'm actually translating]

love is like a fog

and i am a window in the night

i try to rub the mist off my panes

but still, i can't seem to see the outside.

how many of us look at

our friends, colleagues, even family members

and suddenly feel all lousy inside?

i have.

now, how many of us think that These People

are contented with what they have

or maybe there's a possibility that they're just like, us

- feeling lousy, whenever they look at us.

ah, maybe that didn't cross our minds.

we, worldy creatures

have worldy desires

and thus have wordly ideals of people and things

we tend to focus so much of what we lack

that at times, we forget our own strengths.

we lose ourselves in the madness of it all

allowing envy and jealousy to creep in

when at the end of the day,

we soon realise that what we have,

Those People want

Those People desire;

Those People envy;

Those People lose themselves.

so question is, when will all this stop encircling?

.

Ecclesiastes is right

if the wisest and the richest man can find no fulfilment

what chance do we have?

let us count our blessings daily

and give thanks to our Heavenly Father

from whom all good gifts come.