dilemma.

before entering college, i've constantly told myself that i want to do the things that i've never had the guts to do; hence the literature module i'm taking this semester. academics aside, i'm finding it tough to practise what i've been drowning myself in before varsity life even began.

i've always been an avid lover of the performing arts and therefore when given the opportunity to help out as an Event Manager of the arts festival held on campus, i readily signed myself up for it - that's doing something i like to do; not so much as i didn't have the guts to do it before, but rather it's something new and one that i'm passionate about. reason for joining: justified.

and then came the crunch, to run for publications secretary in the hall committee or not. doing publications brings me great great great joy and despite all the hard work and sweat and squinted eyes, there is still joy when you hold that work in your hands for the first time. tough line of work as compared to the other office-holders' responsibilities; relatively, it's a shit job to some. but hey, i like doing it. it's something i love doing. something i'm passionate about. something i believe i have the skills that i can use to contribute to the hall. something i'm always willing to learn from.

if i were to say i never had the guts to do this, i'd be lying... well partially. i was an editor in secondary school once so the job scope honestly doesn't daunt me. in fact it thrills me. and then if i were to say i never had the guts to run and hold rallies and do all that kind of stuff, i'd be lying... again, partially. technically i ran for office in the exco during my days in vjchoir. so all that interviews, and first round shortlist and second round questions and answers, i've been there done that. so question is, what's the big deal?

it becomes a big deal when everything is compounded. ah yes, the balance between work and play comes into question. i wonder if taking on these roles will greatly cause a tilt in the balance and cause a catastrophe in either of the sides.

i want to believe that my Lord will guide me cause i know He is faithful still. but how i wish that i was in the times of Moses where the Lord will lead the Isrealites by a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. ah, what i need is obvious answers.

no, what i need is the Lord.

"I love those who love me,
and those who seek me find me."

- Proverbs 8:17

it's a strange thing to be in the east aka civilisation a few hours ago and now here i am, overseas in my room at the computer. my readings scream for me to read them, but noooo, i'm here at the keyboard merrily typing away. those few sentences exude sarcasm don't they, and those were the exact thoughts i had on the bus from the station into campus. but now that i'm actually physically In campus and having helped my friend with his angel-mortal nonsensical stuff, which by the way was pretty cool despite making my own efforts seem measly, school's kind of.. fun.

strangely enough as far as i can remember, i felt like crap when i left school on friday evening simply because i had to leave school. but now coming back into school seemed like a pain, a drag nearly. and now that i'm actually in school, it seems somewhat normal. no, i'm actually ready to take on a new week of academic life.

i can't believe i just said that. a week of academic life.

Academic life.

it's a beautiful thing to be in university. strangely enough a few weeks back i was doubtful possibly to the point of being terrified about rejoining the education system. but now it seems as if all's well and things are looking pretty smooth now.

although i must say that varsity life has only just begun. the lectures and tutorials have officially begun but the extra-curricular activities have not. ah, the catch there isn't it. i won't be surprised that in the weeks and months to come when the due dates for the various presentations draws nearer and the random extra activities start to mount up, stress levels rise and tensions, well perhaps they may rise, entries such as this is just going to be less cheerful.

but in the meantime, the Lord has been beautifully faithful as He's always been. i meditated on Psalms 23 on tuesday morning and found such a beauty in the text. sheesh, i'm making it sound like literature; which by the way, i managed to secure a place in a tutorial class where none of the students are english majors - praise God for that provision!

but the Lord IS faithful and always will be.

go read Psalms 23.

there is such beauty there

one that you cannot see

and then you will know that God really cares.

(musings) first week of school

this is/was the third day of school
it is also the third day i'm expected to use my brains
unfortunately, i think i've been using more of my legs
campus is huge especially when you walk from place to place
you start feeling the strain in the calves and thighs
you start perspiring from head to toe
and before you know it,
you're completely exhausted even before lecture begins

and this week is just the first week of school
no tutorials, no random hall work, only random dinners
the stomach's getting full, rather it's getting empty
the helter-skelter of the day makes it grumble
but yet the small snack before lectures tells me not to
only to suffer the consequences after the lectures
on the brighter side, there's always those random suppers
that are bound to make any skinny kid fat as a bee
small, fat, agile yet lethal
ah yes, that's what we ought to aspire to be shouldn't we?

National Day Parade 2009

This is home, truly
Where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me
Where the river always flows

This is home, surely
As my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone
For this is where I know it's home.

suffice to say, this is the first time in two years i've caught the national day parade live on local channels and honestly to have done so, there was somehow some excitement and pride stirred in my heart. having been overseas for a considerable period of time and not having the liberty of returning often to visit my family and close friends, it is pretty obvious where home really is. though i do not fully agree to the lyrics to that song, home is where my roots are and hey This is my roots, This is where i should belong.

watching like-minded Singaporeans waving the national flag proudly be it in their hands or as a car decal, national pride was evoked. somehow listening the the anthem being sung again by Singaporeans all over the land brought about a sense of solidarity and union, one that i never felt in a foreign land. as i have always encouraged and advised my juniors overseas: though the prospect of an overseas posting is both exciting and free, it is always good to know that there is at least one group of Singaporeans that you can find solace in. I have found that; I have found them. but nothing beats returning home.

For this is where I know I'm home.

the reason why harry potter is this famous is simply because it is the embodiment of the teenage life- fantasy, magic, love, chivalry and yes, frivolity

i miss my frivolous life.

FINALLY AN UPDATE! (i'm sick too)

you must probably be thinking, finally! darren posts something new on his blog. Finally! well, yea. i realised i haven't been writing in here since may partially because of the busy and hectic schedules and demands of work.

june has been one crazy month of activities in Speedlight. there was the leaders retreat cum camp leaders retreat that we organised the week immediately before the camp itself. that in all, was a huge killer to the mental state. you can possibly say it was then that i started to be sleep-deprived. oh well, then recently we just concluded the Light The Way project which was yet another mega project undertaken by the department. i had to help out, i just had to. couldn't just sit around, or worse leave before this project was concluded cause there are only like 5 full-time staff in the department? so yea, that took up some time too.

and guess what? i'm sick.

yea. sick. terrible feeling. i haven't fell sick since God knows when, so when this bout of viral infection (or as i was told by the doctor) came around, i kinda forgot how it was like to be sick. coughing around, feeling dizzy, loss of appetite, yadayadayada that sorta thing. BUT it was terrible on the first day (i'm somehow making this sound as if i'm having my first cramps or something eh?)

i could literally feel myself getting warmer and warmer and then i was hot all over in the morning just before i woke up. i thought it was just the air-con cause the day before that i started to develop a sore throat. i didn't think much of it then, cause i thought i just overworked my voice during sunday services. and i didn't think much of the "hotness", bathed and did the usual and then went to work. uh-uh, wrong move darren. back in the office i was so cold even though the air con above me was turned off and the one behind me was set at 25 degrees. who in the world gets cold at 25 degrees? and it was kinda strange too. my right hand was freezing icy cold but my left hand was warm, cause it was around my neck. ha. a quick check of my temperature revealed i had a slight fever. so just not to infect anyone else, i put on that facial bra. aih, it's not very comfortable really especially if you're wearing spectacles cause the hot air will rise and fog up your lenses.

oh well, i decided to take half day to go back see a doc and go home and sleep. doc said it was a viral infection, but the thing that made me happy was the speed at which the whole process took: 1 hour! ha, normally i would never see the doc in less than 2hours. so this was a good surprise, gave me a good idea too. heh. so on the way home, as i was climbing the overhead bridge, i was so dizzy i thought i had bit too much of a drink. terrible feeling. the moment i got back, i slept on the couch and didn't wake up till the night. i couldn't even eat properly. aih. but that was then.

i'm recovering now, so i've got that to Thank God for. but there's still this chunk of phlegm in my chest that i'm still trying to expel. have got some medicine for it, but i don't remember whether the drugs' supposed to dissolve it or to help me expel it.

hmmm, i'm still clueless about all this. if i'm not well by tomorrow, the phlegm too, i'm not going for hss camp. besides i'm still feeling random bouts of dizziness. scary eh. heck la.

Seasons

there's a season for everything

the fire continues to burn -
yes, it still does burn
but like a fire in summer
and everything starts getting warm,
the flame somehow fizzles out.

a while back ago,
the fire burned -
yes, it burned brightly
just like a fire in winter
and everything seemed so cold; ice
the flame did serve her purpose.

dear friends, it is not that i want to leave; neither have i chosen to leave, for good at least. i don't even ask for your support, but just a friend's understanding just like the ol' days. someone asked me to leave, jokingly i hope, but it hurt. it did. singing the anthem at the concert hall brought memories of our infant years; not much of the years we learnt to walk, surprisingly. nonetheless, they were good memories and please do know, and i pray you'd also understand that i have my reasons for my absence. i will be back, that's not an empty promise. take care folks <3

The Heart And The Thirst For Blood

i recently attended my first ever philharmonic winds concert on sunday evening and i must say, they were better than what i thought them to be. i can't even pride myself to say that i have more than ten band mp3s in my computer, let alone say i know band music well enough to critique this particular band that i watched perform at the esplanade concert hall.

so naturally, darren being darren, i started thinking...

a quick flip through of the concert programmes booklet would reveal much about the latest developments for this band. well suffice to say, they're going overseas for a band clinic, a symposium of sorts i believe. and then i started thinking about how my time both past and present in a choir was. how we, as a choir go overseas once every two years to sing and compete at international competitions. often and fortunately at times we won, and it's natural for choristers to voice their displeasure at the nation's disdain of the arts scene - especially, the choral scene in schools.

more often than not we, i too was involved in the fiasco, always think of ourselves as national representatives which honestly isn't wrong, but yet do not get the glory and media attention that we hoped we would get. even the most prominent school choir winning big time at some really big international choir competition wouldn't get as much publicity as the SEA Games; then again, very often we don't even get Any publicity.

you're probably thinking that i'm going to get all fired up to speak my case against the country's treatment to promising choirs, bands, dance groups and instrumental ensembles who have the highest hopes of achieving excellence in their field of expertise. to answer that throbbing question then, i would say as much as i don't like the way we're being treated, i start to ask myself now "What exactly drives us to pursue the arts?"

you see, i've been to a few international choral competitions around the globe during my time in choir (not as much as my really good seniors, but still suffices for me to talk about it) and i realised that there was a trend of rallying everybody together during the final build-up to the competition to put in that bit more effort, for what? "To win the Gold medal" / "To win the Grand Prize" / "To top our category" / "To bring glory to Singapore" (okay, i don't normally hear the last one, but still i know there are some loyal singing lions out there). are they not what we use to hear?

i was challenged to think about this - to reconsider the driving force as to what drives my passion to sing. if i were to sing my part well, and blend perfectly with the choir just so that we can win the gold medal, a grand prize or even to top our categories participated in, what joy do we derive from it? such a joy is short-lived. yes the meomory of winning at riva del garda still resounds fresh in my head, but the joy of touching the grand prize in italy was short-lived; it lasted for the moment.

recently, i also had the priveledge of watching the accalaimed musical CATS and what struck me in the cast's performance wasn't just their perfect acting skills nor their singing techniques (they were fantastic in both, just by the way thing). instead, it was their joy of acting and singing just so that they could tell a story to us, the unknowing crowd of baboons. it was their enthusiasm that struck me as a performer and as an entertainer. the cast performs nearly every night at different locations all over the world over a long span of months the same piece over and over and over and over again.

now tell me, if their joy came from the last number, how tired would they feel after doing it over and over again numerous times? if they derived their joy from a standing ovation, and did not get it do they feel they've failed? if their joy comes from applause but the crowd is just unresponsive do they wallow in self-pity and conden themselves? i never actually talked to any of them personally, but this is my take on the matter. they considered the simplest act of performing through song, dance and drama as pure joy; to be able to sing out their heartfelt emotions, that was their joy.

now looking back on my choir days, they weren't wasted. nope, not a single bit because through the practices, we forged close friendships. but nevertheless, what joy did i derive from it? if i had not enjoyed myself and found joy in the simplest act of performing through choral singing, then maybe i'd have to rethink driving force behind this 'passion'

i know tomorrow is the SYF for JC Choirs, yet another competition. through this blog entry i'm not promoting a slack culture and attitude to strong choral singing techniques, i'm merely making my point known that sometimes we have to think more with our heart, rather than with our desire to kill.

the performing arts is a genre unlike the sports, where we don't go all out to kill; instead we touch lives through our repertoire, body movements and acting. everything we do comes from our emotions, our inner being, our state of mind, everything internal. we ought to think with our heart and not be driven by our thirst of winning a competition.

so the question still remains,
have You touched a life yet?

CATS

ah, CATS.

i've never really loved cats,
nor have i ever liked them.
especially the small ones with 'furry tails'
and 'cute lil' paws'; nope,
i've never liked them.

they prance around the land
scratching and creeping,
lurking around in dark corners
not to mention their eyes; nope,
i've never liked them.

at least i'm more forgiving to
their bigger counterparts
lions, cheetahs, leopards, pumas
beautiful coat of skin, but still
none compares to the wild dogs; comparatively,
i've never liked them.

but take these feline creatures
from the house and turn them to
dancing, singing twirling creatures
gyrating to the beat of jazz and the big band;
speaking in human language, not random meows;
perhaps, just perhaps
i might have started a new love for cats.

CATS, the musical that is.

it was the best i've ever seen,
and possibly the most entertaining and exciting one ever.

LIKE FINALLY, SPEEDLIGHT'S FIRST EVER NIGHT CYCLING EVENT IS OVER. albeit this entry comes fourteen hours after the end of the event, i still have to pay tribute to many people.

to deirdre - YOU'VE BEEN AWESOME WOMAN. thanks for pushing me on to get the stuff ready for this event. if you were just as nua as me, i bet this event would have been a complete disaster. so thanks for all that. YES YES, FOR ALL THE BREAD-EATING MOMENTS TOO.

to vinnie, douggie - thanks for being so supportive of deirdre and myself in the planning of the event. your suggestions and constructive comments did challenge us but nevertheless helped us to always be ahead of any possible problems that may arise. IT'S BEEN AWESOME WORKING WITH YOU FELLAS IN OFFICE!

to justin, shimin - thanks for patiently waiting for us at the designated carparks and places where even the mata came to visit us. i apologise for the times i had you guys change places when the plans changed, and i'd hope you understand. thanks for everything!

to elizabeth, our friendly sparklight co-OJL - thanks for all the laughter in the office and even for joining us in supporting our event. YOU WERE AWESOME IN MAKING US LAUGH AT THE DARNDEST THINGS EVER, EVEN IF IT WAS ABOUT YOUR ESPIRIT UMBRELLA.

to thiha pine - thanks for being a great co-organiser with dee and i for this event. thanks for joining us for the recce that nice lovely afternoon! YOU WERE GREAT IN RALLYING THE PEOPLE TOGETHER WHEN THE OTHER THREE OF US WERE TIRED FROM ORGANISING AND PLANNING. AWESOME STUFF MAN.

to chin xiang - thanks for staying back with me all the time when i was the last man. your presence there ensured my sanity and kept me well and alive even at the lowest of my energy levels. your spirit of enthusiasm for this event, patience towards others and selfless spirit is a blessing to others around you, and i've got lots to learn from you. keep shining for the Lord dude.

to the mentors and leaders - you guys did a fantastic job in accounting strength and making sure that everybody in your group was well and alive (thank goodness). your spirit of enthusiasm and energy was superb and i'd like to commend you on that. :)

finally, to EVERYBODY WHO JOINED US (LEW - Elizabeth, Chin Xiang, Andrew, Gene, Amanda, Jacky, Sarah Joseph, Ben, Marcus, Gladys, Natalie; LET - Grace, Shu Hua, Gordon, Kenny, Gregory, Alvin, Charmain, Joel, Leon Chng, Joseph, my sister Sheryl, Leon Tan, Arielle, Lousia, Patrina, Jian Yang, ah Boon, Salome and Lynn) - THANKS FOR COMING AND SUPPORTING US IN THIS EVENT. IT WAS ENCOURAGING FOR ME TO SEE EACH ONE OF YOU ENCOURAGING ONE ANOTHER, SPURRING ONE ANOTHER ON DURING THE COURSE AND I HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A FANTASTIC TIME MINGLING AND FELLOWSHIPPING WITH ONE ANOTHER THROUGH THIS EVENT. LET THIS NIGHT BE ETCHED IN YOUR MEMORIES. LET'S CONTINUE TO SERVE ONE ANOTHER IN PATIENCE AND LOVE AS SPEEDLIGHT, A BODY OF CHRIST, STRIVES FOR MORE GLORY AND EXCELLENCE FOR OUR LORD!

i know i haven't been updating the blog as much as i want to so here's a quick update of what's been going on with me and whatever's been running through my grey matter.

i have been working, with a night cycling event this thursday evening through to friday morning. and that would be accounted as work to me. how awesome is that - how can i not say i love my job. oh well, nonetheless preparations for it has been pretty draining on some days and honestly i havent been sleeping much. so much so that when i woke up at 0720 this morning, i was pretty surprised at how awake i was despite the little amount of rest i had the nights before. seems like the Lord is true to His promises, that His mercies are new every morning.

onto matters of the heart.

i've been learning many things of which i don't intend to share on this public portal. nonetheless, my prayer is that out of these lessons i may, and by faith will find a love that goes beyond human measure. suffice to say, i'm still learning. what got me all started? well, let's just say a small talk with the boys helped me search for the answers within.

lastly, here's to all my dearest kids who are preparing for their exams: IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT STUDYING. no, i don't mean that. ha, it's good that you take time off to go online and be connected to the world. your textbooks don't bring you very far into imaginations, only dreams and as we all know, dreams occur only when we sleep. nonetheless, my prayers are with and for you everyday that every single one of you would continue to excel in your studies, have an excellent health and superb time management both during preparations and at the exams proper. continue to walk closely with the Lord kids; talk to Him about your struggles and fears, He'll listen. as much as i want to be with you all, you know i can't divide myself into portions. but i do know that the Lord is with every single one of you, just as He is with me.

for that, i know you guys are in good hands
and i am encouraged.

love you all :)

i do wonder how many actually believe
that 'beauty is only skin deep'

and then i wonder how well that
would bode for me

today hasn't been a good day

financial woes,
kids' exams-trip clash,
ICT call-up,
and a small bit of You.

i want to sleep all these things off
and retreat to the back of my head
forget the world for that short few hours
of pitch darkness, and utter silence.
for then, the world will stop turning
everything ceases, but life still goes on.

HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING
on that promise i shall stand.

why do people say that guys from boys schools are weird?

you know what,
i think they are;
i think we are;
i think i am.

but it's always heartening to know that every step along the way, in school and even when we're waaaay out of it, there's always a brother behind you - watching your back, always encouraging, always supportive. without saying, there's also much admonishment between us. it's strange that we can be so open with one another but yet live such seperate lives.

maybe that's the type of brotherhood we enjoy.
maybe that's why we're weird.

i commented at the dinner table that for 5 years since we knew one another as a class, we've been having such random dinners either after aep lessons, or after a long hard day working on our aep project, and even during our ns days, we still made time for one another. such dinners never seemed to be a rarity, it seemed so common. but despite the many meals together, there's always something for us to talk about; there's always something for us to gain, to give encouragement and to be encouraged.

and then i asked them, 10 years from now will we still have such common random meals together? reyneth coolly replied, "yea, with our kids all over the place." uhhuh, trust the only attached boy at the dinner table to say that.

but you know what?
as long as we have these dinners;
as long as we have each other,
i don't care much about the kids.

aih, nostalgia.

HOTBULBS' AWESOME NIGHT CYCLING

urgh, this is one of those rare moments i talk about a particular event per se in proper paragraphs, unlike past entries where barely half a sentence or a phrase took up one line. but to make it even more special than the past entries, i'm writing this entry Right After the event took place. so you can imagine a smell, dirty lil' boy - with washed hands on his keyboard, most certainly - typing this supposedly short/ long essay (of which he still cannot decide)

the whole event was so eventful, no pun intended, but it was sure packed with good memories. we recorded so many 'firsts' for our cell through this event. this event is in itself our FIRST EVENT for 2009. it is also the FIRST TIME we start an outing at midnight. it is also the FIRST TIME we have supper at supper time. it is also the FIRST TIME we did night cycling as an activity together. it is also the FIRST TIME we attempted such a feat. not to mention, it is the FIRST TIME (surprisingly) beatrice could join us for a physically-demanding activity.

everything was just awesome. it wasn't perfect - definitely not, but it worked out really well. a route was planned, but it was easily modified to suit our physical and emotional needs, especially towards daybreak.

nevertheless, it was really because of the Lord's blessings that led to such a successful event. and as such, His blessings we should and will never forget.

there were NO INJURIES! ('cept for a punc-zheh tyre)
there was NO RAIN! (despite seeing thunder since 8pm)
we had GREAT FELLOWSHIP
we had GREAT BONDING TIME
we had a SMASHING TIME.

for all these things and MORE, to God be the Glory.

to my dear hotbulbs: i do hope you guys really enjoyed yourself thoroughly throughout the event. aiyoh, butt pain sure kenna one; sore calf and thigh muscles also sure have one. come home smelly smelly, OF COURSE LA! but i think let's look beyond all this stuff, and really treasure the small moments of solitude we had with God, with ourselves and with each other. it's really awesome to see you guys talking and mingling even without the leaders (HMPH! RACHEL AND I WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR CONVO LA! HAHHAHA. DO I MAKE US SOUND DESPERATE?)

- but yea, can i safely say you guys had a smashing time just as i had?
- please sound out to rachel/ i if there were any problems that needed fixing or even improvements! that's how we all learn from each other ya?

awesome time spent overnight.
simply awesome.

i was thinking,

does free will destroy mutuality?

ok, fine.

does free will affect mutuality?

it's been two years since i received my a level results
it's been two years since i felt utterly defeated
it's been two years since i fell to my knees
it's been two years since i last cried

but it's also been two years of growing,
albeit with much pain.

two years on, and here i am:
two years on, not knowing how my past affected today
two years on, i've bounced back from defeat
two years on, i've grown stronger; matured

and i remember still, everything i went through
.
i've tasted the goodness of the Lord
i've seen the faithfulness of the Lord
i've felt the comforting hand of the Lord

ultimately who i am today...
i thank God.

from The Straits Times, Life section
Thursday, February 26 2009, Page C3
"When choir boys 'lose' their voice"

this was what a St Thomas Boys Choir boy had to say of his experience in choir - "He said: 'Being in the choir demands so much work, but you do get something out of it. It's a special feeling when you sing Bach and feel the history and tradition behind the choir." (italics mine)

somehow, i felt i could relate to that statement
& i wonder how many choristers out there can too
the joys of singing are truly inexplicable.

finally, for once a non-emo entry; or at least i think it not to be. so, i was performing at a choir concert today with chorale, alongside the college choir and the more i looked at these mainly eighteen year-old adolescents running everywhere, not to mention a hell lot of noise, i really couldn't help but remember my frivolous youth.

ah, yes. the days we used to sing on the bus whilst on the way to the community centre for extra practices. the countless dinners our batch would always go for after every practice; after every thrice-weekly practice. it was nostalgic to be back in the same place where my batch probably staged her first public performance all on our own.

seeing the girls in their white gowns, with their hair tied up neatly with a matching white ribbon and the guys in their smart black suit with striking red tie, it was those wild days that i was remembered.

a junior was concerned with his batch, and my answer was this: every batch is different. but no matter the differences we may have within ourselves and with our seniors, as long as we work hard and work together, legacies can be left behind; footprints can be left behind. my batch did well, and i'm proud of our accomplishments. we overcame the odds to become who we are today, and look at where we are now. united. bonded. together. ultimately, friends.

so to the juniors i have this to say,
enjoy your years in vjc.
enjoy your years in vjchoir.
cause honestly, two years is not much
look back on the days you create today
and be satisfied.

i know i am.

The Equation

1 + 1 = 2

that's what they always say, don't they?

that's what we've been taught all along, haven't we?

all this while, all we've ever thought about was the '1' in the equation. what the numbers on the 'left side of the equal sign' are are all we ever think about, or at least that's what we've been learning all along - how it affects the equation; how it affects the 'right side of the equal sign'; how it affects the End.

but haven't we been selfish in forgetting about the '2'? have we thought whether it has even wanted to Be in the equation?

is it wrong for one to keep giving and giving and desire for an expected result? sure we do. we're the '1's aren't we?

after all i've gone through, i apologise for not thinking about how you felt. how it feels to be '2', how you probably felt you never wanted to be in the equation at all. how this equation finally ended nullified; how it ended void; how it ended up being a ZERO.

should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements;

even if it leads nowhere.

it Would be a waste, even if i knew my place

should i leave it there?

i answer, yes. i should.

i guess that's probably the reason why i'm remaining passive about certain things. sure enough, i don't close myself to the world, but that doesn't give me any more of a reason to be seeking actively.

but i won't even ask you to stay. in spite of saying that, this i must say - there's something about you that keeps me going on, and i'm not even sorry about it.

i've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show

& i thought being strong meant never losing your self-control

but i'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain

to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain

tonight i wanna cry.

maybe keith was right along.

they say people grow with time

inevitably, they change too

the times spent in classic togetherness

now seems distant, almost a memory

we can never go back to those times

or can we?

expectations are wings that help us to soar

but they can also be weights that pull us down

together we came into this world

but look at you! you've grown so tall

i've forgotten how you were

only the memories remain

and after all this while i ask myself

do i really know you?

then again,

do you really know me?

Dear Mother,

It's been 5 years since I left home. Please don't worry mother, I really am well. But 5 years is really an awfully long time and all this while I've been missing you however cicumstances have prevented me from returning.

All this while I have been doing well in the things assigned to me. I have washed my dishes, cleaned up after myself; I've been independent and independance was something you taught me in my formative years. Do you remember? Maybe not; because it was second nature to you - it was a mother's instinct.

Do you remember the days you scolded us for our long fringes? Or maybe for our socks not being above the ankle? Ah yes, I still remember the times we had to stand in the sun just so one of us would own up to his mistakes. But amidst all the punishments, you instilled in us a strong character - one which is able to stand the tests of time. Of course with bad times, there were always your light-hearted moments. You allowed us to leave home early just so we could boast to others of how well our older brothers did in their examinations. (But honestly, none of us really did that. HA!) There were the times we would just stay at home and kick some things (they really didn't have to be balls you know... I know it's still quite a mystery) And then there were the times when we would just cheer with all our might for your glory and your honour and for the pride you instilled in us all these years.

Oh they were all such good memories!

And here I am, back home; back to where it all started 5 years ago. I said this when I left home that year but I have never understood its significance, let alone grasp the fullness and abundance of it. But now, here I am, two weeks being at home and I can now understand just a glimpse, a fraction of its significance. Nonetheless I would say it again:

We do not return to you Mother,
For we have never really left.

Nil Sine Labore,

Darren

Treasures in Jars of Clay

in a plethora of convlusive mind action

sometimes a friend's voice is not one

you would liked to hear, no.

not even a close friend's voice.

cast the phone into the heap of rubbish

on your table as presented to the world

and cup your head in your hands.

yes my dear, cry.

tears start to well up in your eyes

and you suddenly think you're staging this

no my child, the lights will dim

you are precisely who you are.

so in that plethora of convulsive mind action

you cup your head in your hands

and you cry. oh, you cry!

you realise who you really are

and who I really am.

saying YES to everything doesn't solve everything
but it does make the people around you happy.

question is,
does it make You happy?

you feel that everything is about the people around you
and nothing, almost nothing is about yourself

you feel empty and depleted,
wasted, alone and weak. oh, so weak.

and then there is silence
just. sheer silence.

The Lord is good and just simply AWESOME.

i recently just came back from a church camp that lasted from tuesday to thursday, following that i was to perform with the college choir at the world choral youth festival on friday and then to sing at John's wedding on saturday. so i was feeling really skeptical about myself being not able to lose my voice, let alone make it hoarse. and so in times like this what do we all do? PRAY. and so i did. i prayed that as i give my all during the camp, God will sustain my voice and not just that cause it to be in tip-top condition for the two events following the camp.

sure enough even during the camp itself when in the day i, like all the other leaders were, had to scream and shout and do whatever we can to get the kids' attention. it was insane especially when you're dealing with kids that age. they can run all around the place, make a whole lot of noise but thank God they were controllable; not some wild horse running frantically round the green field looking for a nice tuft of grass to feed on. okay, i'm digressing; but you get the point. obviously towards the end of every day, my voice was weak; it was tired. but yet every morning when i wake up, truly the mercies of God are new every morning; i never fail to realise that i still have my voice, and more than that i'm able to speak naturally as if i've never used it before. sure the voice was tired, but you can still feel the strength in the voice. and i believe that strength came from the Lord.

it was only the second night that i received this blessed assurance that my voice would be sustained and so the next morning i acted out in faith. i did what i needed to do and boy oh boy, i was starting to lose it. i slept that night, woke up on friday morning and my voice was so tired i kept thinking that i was speaking at some tone higher than my usual speaking voice. and then the performance neared. during sound check, it was terrible. i couldn't hit the high notes with that resonance and placement causing the notes to be uber flat, coupled with the fact that my breath control wasn't good, any chorister would tell you that'd be a disaster.

but Praise God! we had dinner after that, warmed up again, sang a few old songs together and by performance time, i was singing so freely. there was the resonance. there was this focus. there was some breath control. it was good.

of course the camp wasn't just about this, there are so many other things that happened and what i saw in the camp that i can talk about! but this particular one is something personal, something that meant so much to me and the Lord has blessed me so much. truly the work we do in the Lord shall never be in vain, for His promises are YES and AMEN.

to God be the Glory forever and ever,

AMEN.

DIvision Retreat 2008

i don't normally post my emo posts online but this one is an exception because this is dedicated specially to my cell group: HOTBULBS and the division.

firstly to my dearest and most beloved cell. whatever i shared with you guys on the last night - that 'speech' really came from the bottom of my heart and i meant every word i said. i know sometimes i repeat things but the fact remains - I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GUYS DO IT, BUT YOU GUYS JUST ROCK. goodness, that sounded like it just came from a secondary school kid, but honestly i don't know how else better to put it. you guys honestly rock and throughout the four night spent with you guys i've learnt so much about you through all that sharing and screaming and shouting and bridging and german-bridging and phototaking and ... the list goes on.... and i realised yet another thing. that the moment you guys left the house was the moment i started missing you guys already. and now that the retreat is over and done with, all i want to do now is to just talk and see you guys again. fellowship and talk and bridge and mahjong (welcome to the club!). and that's precisely how i feel now that it's over and you guys are back home and then just when i want to call or sms you guys, i realise that my phone's not with me. you guys brought me so much joy and laughter that i could forget about the loss of the phone. and i guess it's really because of the company, one that i can never find anywhere else in my life, that made this all worthwhile. i take comfort in the Word where Paul wrote in 1 Cor 15: 58, "Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because YOU KNOW THAT YOUR LABOUR IN THE LORD IS NOT IN VAIN". seeing you guys grow in Christ really have made it ALL worthwhile.

to my fellow leaders - Rachel, Lynn, Salome, Lewis and Gregory, THANKS for making this retreat a successful one despite the tight planning schedule. take comfort in Paul's words as written above! let's all have the holy expectation of seeing our cells grow even Further in and with Christ! i hope the retreat have started something new in your cell, whether it has rejuvenated it or revived it or encouraged it or strengthened it, let us continue to strive for excellence for we do it ALL FOR CHRIST. let us also continue to support one another in ministry and prayer, keeping one another in our thoughts and prayers! david and wilbur, WE MISS YOU!

.

to the division and everyone else, thanks for your attendance and participation because really without you all, not only will this retreat be doomed to failure, the division would fall too! thanks to all who have made this a reality! and last but not least, TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. AMEN.

my ORD Thank You List

today marks the end of a twenty-two month-long milestone in my life. and i don't want to forget the people who have made this journey what it is today.

first and foremost to God, my everlasting Father, Saviour, King, Redeemer, Sustainer, Provider and Giver of All Good things. through Him there are no impossibilities and it's been a great pleasure learning this throughout my length of service. i carried a hope and a desire when i enlisted, to be a leader, whatever that meant in the force. and when i didn't achieve that, naturally i was disappointed. but His sustanance and providence for me has been more than enough for me and soon i was blessed with something far beyond my expectations. in fact, it was far beyond the expecatations of anyone i knew. back there, i was further blessed with good health, great friends and an experience like none other. it was awesome and i still attribute it to the goodness of my God. without Him, i would not have made it out on my own. Father, it is by your power and your strength for me that has seen me through; without which, i cannot do anything. Thank You.

.

secondly, to my family who have supported me all the way, silently but surely they did so. even when i was posted There, i had the full support of my family members and none disagreed to it even when they first heard of it. their support for me when i was still a bloddy recruit was all the more crucial to me as i learn the ropes of their trade. i am proud to be a soldier, just like they were; though i must say that it would be foolish for me to join the force simply because i wanted to follow in their footsteps. nonetheless, i am proud of my parents' previous work experiences. Thank You Dad, Mum and Sis for all the support and love even through the times that i wasn't around.

.

thirdly, to all my dearest Cell Group, HOT BULBS and my dearest co-leader of which i must must make special mention, because she has undertaken the responsibilities of two people during my absence. to Rachel Kee, you've been most valuable and appreciated for for all that you've done for this cell group. i know the kids can get quite uncontrollable at times but by the grace of God, all things are and have been made possible. when i left, i knew that the Lord will not forsake you, for that was His promise to not just me, but to those who read His word, and i'm glad He has not gone back on His word. Thank You for your every single bit of effort, dedication and hoarse vocal cords because you keep getting them to settle down. to the rest of my cell members, you guys have been a great joy to have and i thank God for each one of you everytime in my prayers. you have been my motivation and inspiration at times and more than that, it brings me great joy in seeing all of you grow and mature spiritually in the Lord. Thank You All for your prayers, constant encouragement, love, and even those msn convos.

.

fourthly, to my awesome friends back there (you know where it is). the months spent there was the most awesome time ever spent, not only because i was alone and away from home and could do whatever i want but it was the company that still make me reminscience of all the good times we had. you guys were there when i was down, stood by me, cared for my wounds, and not forgetting those random walks to 7-11 just outside the gates. i still remember and will always have them safe in my memories. so Thank You All for the great times and fond memories. a special shout-out to the following people: Aaron, Jeremy, Jeng Hei, Wei Wei, Philip, Ganwei, Kevin, Guan Teck, Jacob, Junyi, Ting Ho, Eric; thanks for the support and friendship man.

fifthly, to my BMT mateys as well as my Signal Cours Platoon 17/06, thanks for the wonderful memories of crap in tekong and stagmont. i know stagmont was complete slackness but hey during those times it was errr, just slack la huh. but Thank You for your friendship and constant encouragements. a special shout out to the following people: Falcon Platoon 1 Section 4 mateys (Prabhu, Samuel, Benjamin, Han Fei, Nelson, Li Qian, Roger, Brian, Yi Liang, Dean, David), Kai Siang, Bing Long, Alvin, Brandon, Daryl; Stagmont 17/06 mateys (Wai Kit, Gabriel, Benji, Eugene, Rif, Suren, Eng Chye, Shi Chun, Vinodh, Zhi Jian).

.

last but not least, to my relatives, friends, and aquaintances who have supported me throughout these twenty two months of my life of which all of them have brought me comfort, encouragement, even strength and renewed faith. a special shout out to: Victoria Chorale, i know it was my bad pang sehing you guys for In Song 2007 but i'm back and ready to contribute and improve myself for Korea 09! (Samantha, Siying, Jian Hao, Marie, Pei En, Stephanie, Jon Chuah, Sue Lynn); 4B, 05S43, , HQ SIG MP BR (Ms Lee KT, Marcus, Jennifer, Kian Long, Boon Teck, Mr William) Joel Sng, Gerald, Wilbur, Justin, Kenny, Zara. Thank You All.

.

so that probably sums up an ESTIMATED list of those who have supported me through these months. if i've left you out, please know it was not at all intentional, i'm really tired now and cannot think very straight. it is my greatest pleasure to have had your encouragements and support, care and concern; please know that they all meant something to me. so to those unsung heroes, and a final admonishment to all, THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING.

dating is an anesthetic to what is to come -

marriage is about healing the past of the individual,

it has never been about romantic love.

PS: i grabbed this off the Oprah show, just found it interesting.

plainly; i want to don that sweater you hand knitted for me, sit by the bedside and slowly, just slowly sift through all the old photographs we took of each other; remembering, that somehow, perhaps, in the distance i can catch that familiar laughter of yesteryear. i clung on tightly to every parchment in my hands trying, with what my body and spirit was capable of to feel your skin brush gently against mine, or to wipe those tears streaming down your wrinkled face, or to run my fingers through your grey-white hair. oh, they were beautiful. yes, you were beautiful, and it pains me even more so that, all my life i have never said that to you; and now saying it alone, to myself, it seems foolish all of a sudden how something so stark, so apparent could have not caught my attention. oh no. that's not true. you did exactly so back then, when at a call of your name you turned your head with such feminine grace and your then-black hair gently swept across the air, floating seamlessly, finally landing neatly on your womanly shoulders. i could never forget that moment for it was a moment of sheer beauty and like they always say, beauty only happens once. but right now even as the fireplace burns, and her yellow-orange hues spread evenly across the room, there will always, always be some nook, some cranny that this light can never reach; it remains dark, it remains unspoken of for there is only regret.

.

(please don't think too much of this. i'm just tired out from the labour of the day and as always whenever i am fatigued, words such as these flow but they mean nothing. however feel free to give me your comments about it, ha. i do wish to learn and improve)

i don't really want to generalise this but recently within four days i have experienced the lack of graciousness in Singaporeans during the rush hours, and honestly i'm really starting to wonder whether we are really practising what we promote ourselves to be --- that Singapore is a Gracious City.

in the first incident which happened on a train back to the heartlands from the city area, a fight nearly broke out between two men. they were not young, or so i think, so maybe that could be a factor - age and their old-fashioned ideas, whatever they were. and then there was the second incident that took place on a bus; this time it involved two women who are probably both in their forties and no, there wasn't a fight but in lieu of it there was this "public humiliation" from one to another that she was pushing her when the bus was Moving. uhhuh, you're probably going like DUH.

look the point i'm trying to make here is this. we all know it is the rush hour, and we all want to rush home for various reasons. some need to cook dinner, some need to pick up their kids, and of course there are those channel eight hardcore fans who would want to catch the latest episode of the 7pm drama serial. we all have our reasons for going back that early, thus the rush hour, thus the squeeze, thus the packed-like-sardines situation. can't we all just have a bit of patience and show that little amount of graciousness to others, like us, just for that few minutes?

if someone steps on your toes, literally or figuratively; or if someone really is intruding on your personal space, of course not TOO close; can't we all just say "Excuse me...." or at least a "Sorry but you are...." nicely, instead of a push or a sarcastic remark?

don't take this personally but i think if you really don't like all this rushing and the squeezing on the trains and buses, then don't take the public transport during those times. isn't it better to show a bit more grace to our fellow countrymen than to shovel and scream in their ears as if they haven't already had a good and fulfilling day already (have you ever thought you're just making it worse for those who got it Real bad that day and then imagined if that person was you; id feel like crap above the crap i already feel at work in the day)

i believe that before someone sells his/her product the person needs to believe in the product first, if not he'd be lying and any further questioning could very well cost him the lack of sales. let us all practice what we promote ourselves to be : Singapore is a Gracious City.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger. "

(Proverbs 15: 1)

with the american presidential election looming, i cannot help but take notice of how the debates are getting from prodessional to personal. sure it's democracy and votes do matter in such a free state as the us. but let's take a step further and think about the effects these personal attacks would have on the country. in a time when the country is in peril' in chaos; needs strong leadership, such personal attacks that remain on the back of the minds of the people, might prove to be a hindering block to the president (whoever he or she may be) when he/she needs to unite the americans. after all, we all know that unity is strength. i wonder whether there are any people out there thinking about the personal statements the previous presidential nominee made about the current president and how that can actually affect their belief in him, the system, the instituition and ultimately the state.

so this got me thinking: is this a natural flaw of democracy?

okay i think this would be a relatively short entry, of course not considering the pseudopoems i wrote before, but yes i believe this should be a relatively short entry.

to start it off, i went back to parent unit today. okay pause for a moment, could you feel the excitement i had in that statement> ah yes, no. true enough, i was not looking forward to going back to stagmont. but somehow i recall telling myself "we're going back to where it all began" as i trudged up the slopes to where the office was. so i spent literally half a day not doing anything except for entertaining myself with my good ol' book and the other quarter shredding papers. here's the interesting part. it was the last quarter which got me rather aquainted with the present staff there, considering the fact that the staff that i knew before i left overseas were all gone, and i actually want to go back there again. it's a happy place you know, where the atmosphere is all lively and jovial; and my only fear is that once Boss comes back, everything screams FUNERAL / CHINESE ORCHESTRA.

on other news, i was wondering why we army guys don't have a SINGAPURA on our shoulder board and the navy/ airforce men do. i'm not referring to commissioned officers or warrant officers, i'm talking about the men. odd isn't it, or maybe i'm just ignorant about it?

another interesting sight today at the coffeeshop whilst having dinner. the father buys two plates of rice. he places it down on the table. he starts eating. the domestic helper, carrying the child on her laps takes the other plate of rice and starts feeding the child. the father carries on eating, seemingly oblivious. the child looks intently at the father. are we becoming too reliant on these domestic helpers in raising our children to such an extent that the responsibilities of parenting are now being transferred to the shoulders of these foreigners?

okay, i said it SHOULD be short so maybe i was wrong.

found this off the net, translated from mandarin

[shoots, i'm actually translating]

love is like a fog

and i am a window in the night

i try to rub the mist off my panes

but still, i can't seem to see the outside.

how many of us look at

our friends, colleagues, even family members

and suddenly feel all lousy inside?

i have.

now, how many of us think that These People

are contented with what they have

or maybe there's a possibility that they're just like, us

- feeling lousy, whenever they look at us.

ah, maybe that didn't cross our minds.

we, worldy creatures

have worldy desires

and thus have wordly ideals of people and things

we tend to focus so much of what we lack

that at times, we forget our own strengths.

we lose ourselves in the madness of it all

allowing envy and jealousy to creep in

when at the end of the day,

we soon realise that what we have,

Those People want

Those People desire;

Those People envy;

Those People lose themselves.

so question is, when will all this stop encircling?

.

Ecclesiastes is right

if the wisest and the richest man can find no fulfilment

what chance do we have?

let us count our blessings daily

and give thanks to our Heavenly Father

from whom all good gifts come.

i don't like this feeling at all.

nope, not a single bit of it.

the question comes with the fatigue

and prayerfully, goes with the sleep

and it is making me rather sick.

when will it be my turn? it echoes on

i try to respond and provide an answer

but fact is, even if it finally is my turn,

i don't want it. i'm sick of it.

it is nobody's fault. no, not you; not even me.

cause it's a feeling i always get,

and for what reason i'm still left wondering.

but one thing remains true:

i wonder how life would be like with you.

i'm home.

i'm feeling strange though.

maybe that's what this ten days are for

- for me to adapt back to the ol' ways.

so if you see me in the streets

listening to some random mandarin music

forgive me, but i do suppose the music helps.

家，到底是哪里?

2007年06月22日
是世界庆祝我19年前诞生的那一天；
但也是我一生以来最难忘的旅途的开始。

单独坐在暴满的飞机上
却感受不到百人的存在
默默仿佛只听得到心话
而周围渐渐的被模糊。

遗忘了，什么都忘了。

刚抵达机场的我
拖着笨重的行李
着急在人海中寻找某人
啊！找到了！
我们“回家”吧。

其他细腻的事我都忘了， 什么都忘了。

一年前的我不敢相信
一年的时间会一转眼的过去
但现在的我终于明白
世上是没有不可能的事。

我在这里该做得都做了
反而觉得有时付出了太多
但这一年来都没被夸过
一声感谢词都没有
使我觉得我的功劳到底有多值得

啊！遗憾， 这是遗憾吗？

对于我在这里交的朋友
我是无法形容，
只能说认识他们是我的荣幸
也是我的幸福
没有他们的陪伴
这一年以来都不会好过
现在临走之前的我
只能够好好珍惜剩下几天的陪伴
为我们的友谊的未来抱着永恒的希望。

这，真的是遗憾吗？

不。我付出的这么多
上帝已十倍的补偿给我
那么丰富的经验，乐与赏
我都得到了。

但这个旅途总有一天会结束
而结束的那一天就即将来临
我不遗憾
我不伤心
我绝对一滴眼泪也不会付出
因为我知道未来有多么的开心，
再次能见到你们会有多么幸福
- 我抱着这么的希望迈向未来

过几天，2007年06月22日会再次重复
我离家，回家去了。

it took me more than a day to figure out why i've been feeling fatigued since 8pm tonight, and it came as a surprise though it actually wasn't. okay, word of grammatical caution here, i'm typing this entry with a more-asleep-than-awake mind so forgive the grammar, worse, the punctuation.

so the reason was... of the happy hour. even after half a day's rest and the night's rest on the 18th, it seems to me that all that amount of sleep was simply not enough for my body. TOO LITTLE he screams, oh well. so it's little wonder i was getting all sleepy at 8pm but guess what; i decided to not sleep only because of the fact that tomorrow's a saturday and we all know that saturday mornings are perfect for sleeping in. so i'm not going to waste that oppurtunity, considering that this friday and saturday will be my last 'friday' and 'saturday' of my tour here. come to think of it, it's pretty depressing.

another thing i must must say is this: i was wondering why people work so hard sometimes, like what's the purpose of it all? to get the promotion, a compliment or something else? it gets worse when the person you're working for doesn't acknowledge your work or even recognise your efforts, but rather simply gives you the 'highest' grade second to one which requires a mandatory further effort, such as a testimonial. i've always been an advocate of the phrase "DO YOUR BEST" but honestly it gets tough doing so if whoever you're working for doesn't give you the recognition that your work deserves. and i say this as follower/ worker of one year plus; imagine those who have been working like cows and not have those who squeeze their udders even utter a simple word of thanks.

i said this this evening and i say it again, for records' sake and for those idiots out there: why bother working so hard when you're not even appreciated for it. if you don't get appreciated, screw it; just get bloddy used to it.

last night was a beautiful night with a near full moon. there was so much laughter and good wishes whizzing around the mess; the atmosphere was awesome. it was also to be my last happy hour at the mess, and it's a good thing it didn't disappoint. kelvin who was to end his tour this morning ie. as seen from yesterday, tomorrow, was obviously the main target while i, happily had both legs up on the table. well, in actual fact i was hiding from them. what a bummer. but after the whole lets-dump-kelvin-into-the-fish-pond saga, the fun didnt just stop there. oh no, there was more to come and it sure did all the way till the early dawn.

there was the drinkin. no not beer, though i had a half-yard of that (approx 2 cans), we had alcohol. i reckon we finished at least 4 - 5 full bottles of alcohol yesterday. and when i say we, i mean a group of say 8 people. did i mention we also finished whatever was left in the Other bottles. so amidst all that drinking there was also the talking which honestly was the highlight of the night. that camaraderie and the brotherhood here-- not like any girl reading this would totally connect with except for those semi-deluded, semi-insane females who chose to sign on-- was unmatched. after the bull-talking, what's a happy hour without singing. rather, shouting. but at that already about-to-go state of mind, the line that makes shouting and singing distinct from each other immediately disappears. it doesn't just slowly fade away, it just simply disappears. and i, had to make it all more fun. as soon as someone picks up the microphone to 'sing', immediately i'd concoct a potent potion for them to drink after they're done. that was equally awesome. i remember one to be half green tea, quarter kaoliang (58%), quarter absolut vodka (40%). that was awesome. and another shot to be half kaoliang (58%) and half sheridians (40%). tell me i'm an ass in the mess. HEY IT RHYMES.

didn't bother sleeping after that fiasco and went straight to the airport to send kelvin off, who was still slightly tipsy but oh well, he's got a wife. one of the many joys of marriage huh. and then, i came back and very obviously slept. fast forward time and here i am, with my understudy sitting diagonally behind me. his arrival heralds a new era, and will also quickly bid farewell to mine. YES, I'LL BE BACK IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK.

but not before i finish the alcohol left in the mess with friends so close you'd call and know them as brothers.

ah yes, the 510th entry to mark a very important announcement:

25 SEPT IS THE MAGICAL DATE

FINALLY, IT'S MY TURN TO GO HOME

i've got plans

and commitments already,

your extracted wisdom teeth

will not stop me, so come up la.

on the other hand, take your time:

come up with the load of them;

that'll leave me with the same

number of days of work, as my leave.

ie. no work.

so i got really irritated

and took the shotgun off the wall

and fired two warning shots

into His head.

i found that JOY in singing

and i honestly can't wait to come back

- however -

there are still mixed emotions though

still in caught in that limbo

there is no such thing as ugly women;

only lazy ones.

just a shoutout to all chorale people:

JIAYOUUU! :):):)

last night was the last night two great friends were going to spend at this camp; they have since gone home, in fact, on their way home now.

it all began last night with two cans of heineken and 7-up. well, 7-up was the game and heineken was... you should know better. thing was, those two cans were taken in real slowly. there was no kick; there was nothing.

and then we moved into the mess - the "entertainment hub" for our civilian-friends - and started singing. like any other military elsewhere, singing would finally make way for what is know to civilians as Shouting. so anyway, we Shouted emo farewell songs for those leaving us, and in the process of it had more cups of beer and alcohol mixed in a cup. lovely concoction eh? wrong.

just a 1cm tall cup of 58% alcohol drank dry would make any chest warm and fuzzy, and for some cause serious gastric pains. Ouch. now imagine beer with that alcohol, multiplied by say 5 cups (i can't even remember how many cups i had, there were just too many).

and then there was the guinness stout. till now i have absolutely no idea whatsoever why people like stout. there's this caramel old ancient taste that seems to come from the old dynasties of whatever civilisation, and honestly, it's just simply not nice. short of gross, but just not nice. thank goodness it was just one cup.

and then there were the competitions. one versus one, see who can finish one can of beer the fastest and the slower one will drink about half a can of the 58% alcohol. that one i was not part of.

in the end, i was feeling tipsy - which is not the same as being drunk; it is more of a really really tired feeling under a moderately sedated mind. the others, well let's just say they went completely ballistic with themselves. one peed in the drain, another took off his boxers in the fish pond, ah the list goes on. but one thing united us all last night; we all went into the fish pond, voluntarily or involuntarily we all just did.

call it camaraderie, there was just this unity we felt. remember that saying One for All, All for One? i guess that was what we felt - that drunk, no, tipsy camaraderie.

now that they're both gone, there's definitely a void emotionally and physically too. but hey, september draws nigh and soon i'll be home as well. all i wish is for this camaraderie, drunk or tipsy or not (hopefully the latter) , to be present well into the future; for it is these friendships that i take home with me and will remember always.

i havent felt that way for such a long time

untill ten o'clock last night.

does it satisfy you to see us scramble,

you pervert.

one call was all it took, no.

one word was all you said

and the world started revolving around you.

it's perfectly fine if the first was a mistake

but it's totally Not fine

when you say yes after that

and no, barely half a day later.

what?

you were distracted;

you had too much things to settle;

you were thinking of more important things;

oh yes, all of the above are true -

your lil' game avatar failed to gain a new level.

drats.

don't, even try to give me that bull.

ntu gets to host the youth olympians,

so take that, nus!

smu- i'm sorry but you weren't even in it from the start.

childish comparison game.

but hey, it's fun.
LOL

you ask me who do i
say that you are, and i

say that you are the Christ,

Son of the Living God.