urgh, headaches suck.

it's ironic that singapore has a national heritage board that aims to preserve certain iconic structures that represent the national spirit, as well as those which showcase the history of this small republic, AND still allow some of these known buildings to be demolished Just Like That to pave the way for the new up-and-coming mrt track.

does this mean that history, regardless of its richness and antiquity, can and should be erased off the face of the earth if and when it collides with the plans of the future? do we restore only those historical structures which somehow, miraculously, do not fall into the Grand masterplan for the future?

i'm sure, give us just 5 years from the demolition of the 7th Storey Hotel, and we would CLEANLY forget our roots and the history that piece of land once had there. because in the name of making singapore a better place for the Future, we seem to somehow forget our Past.

okay so here are my few cents worth, after reading some local news online:

first. the fourth university. okay, rather education in singapore in general. honestly i think there is definitely space for a fourth university in singapore, now in present terms. i mean it took just a Fraction of the cohort of the '88 dragon babies to make a statement that there is just no space for our children. this still happened despite the fact that there was already an increase in the total number of spaces by the three universities. that's short term. in the long term however, judging from the low birth rates would the birth of a fourth tertiary instituition be justified? well, i may be myopic and don't enjoy having much numerical data at hand, but would and could this pose as a problem? could the fourth university in the long run, prove to be an extra educational instituition.

singapore can take pride in her educational standards. we have topped or at least nearly topped some educational research/ surveys/ studies done at a global scale, and our education models are widely followed in many countries. in the country that i am in right now, there are hundreds of tertiary institutions that even the locals claim them to be just degree mills. amongst them, i have only so far noticed only two universities in the ranking list of some forgotten year. as compared to singapore's two out of three universities making it into the top 100, one even to the top 50, i think it speaks a lot of our standards. so that brought me to my abovementioned point? would the fourth university, on top of the private instituitions And overseas universities- that some organisation has been desperately bidding for them to come and set up campus here- be ultimately just an ordinary top 500 degree mill?

--

that leads me to the article about local employers being concerned about local talent leaving to work abroad. first question: of what proportion are our local graduates intending to work abroad? and secondly: of what proportion are our singaporean graduates studying overseas, leaving the country to work? i think when we break those numbers down, we would get a clearer picture wouldn't we, of not just the reasons but the solutions, if there are any, as well. if the graduates who study overseas stay overseas then it's really not surprising to me that those who majored in finance, business and real estate do just so.

okay, why finance/ business? despite the fact that both the business schools of NTU and NUS are globally reknowned and the up-and-coming one at SMU, the academic requirement for entry into these schools are roughly the same. well at least on paper, or website, it is. 4As and at least a merit in your GP is the BASIC requirement. so one may then argue that it is only necessary to set such high standards for entry to ensure that we attract the top students not just locally but internationally too. but what about the general population? those who didn't get those pristine grades? those who marginally did not make the fianl cut, be it at the interview or the grades? uhhuh, real estate then? from what i know, only NUS offers a degree in real estate and it's a rather small crowd actually. so those who have the interest but don't make it, where do they go? for all three disciplines, you guessed it. they go overseas. why would they not come back to work? question we should be asking is why should they? maybe the jobs there pay more, maybe they completely forgotten what being singaporean is all about (although i hope not, if not there would most definitely be a revision to the social studies subject at secondary school)

--

which leads to me back to the question of education. we definitely don't want a degree mill that compromises on eduational standards. i wonder. it would also be senseless if every child of singapore ends up getting a degree, it would just fuel the sick lust for that coveted paper qualification, but where and when does it end? in my course of choosing a university i've considered some australian universities and what caught my eye was the fact that despite the lower entry requirements, as compared to singapore, these australian universities fared better than our local unis on almost all of the global rankings. of course, some may argue that the rankings are not all that important, they could be flawed as well. but they do give us an indication of some comparison, at least.

so bottomline is, are we flawed in giving our general population an education?

(heyhey, don't get me wrong. i still believe in the education standards of my homeland and what it has done and will continue to provide for this country. and it is only because i believe so much in it, that is why i question what else more can we do, so that others can benefit from it)

a bottle which has drifted far out into the sea

never returns back to his roots with the waves.

no, he leaves behind a legacy; a memory, if ever, remains.

and if that bottle would one day return to that sandy beach,

let him be filled with the salty water he has been in before.

for it would be futile if the owner

picked him up,

found him empty

and then throw him back into the salty waters again.

--

i've looked at life from both sides now

and i realised i've never known life at all.

i've looked at love from some sides now

and i realised i've never known love at all.

nowadays i just think of life, not you.

these days, i don't even bother thinking about love.

they say that when you find love, love doesn't come to you.

when you're desperate, love also doesn't come to you, either.

i guess there are those times when you dream of falling in love and wanting to get attached and all that nonsense, but truth be told i don't want to commit all of that. or at least, if i can help it. there is so much nonsense involved that at the end of it all, are we just acting according to what society wants us to be? and if not, does the society that we leave in today permit singles, or worse, those who havent had a relationship by the age of twenty, to fully participate in societal activities? housing becomes a problem, and i;m sure there are many other problems that accompany the housing one.

falling in love, surprisingly is a modern concept. think about the old times when marriages were arranged and the couple involved don't even know one another till the day of marriage. falling in love before marriage would be an obscure thought, if not an impossible one. and for that matter, if the couple were to fall in love after marriage, that might even be an unlikelihood. so what's with the whole deal about falling in love.

ah. love.

it makes us say the dumbest things.

who knows? i may say all these opposing words today

and be full of praise of it tomorrow.

the funny things of love.

love, the funny thing.

my heartfelt condolences.

"kor kor...."

"什么事？”

- he plays with the child.

"kor kor...."
"什么事？”
- he plays with the child again.

"kor kor...."
"什么事？”
- he plays with the child yet again.

finally,

"kor kor...."

"kor kor 要睡觉啦。"

"kor kor...."

"kor kor 头痛了，不要吵。"

"kor kor...."

"哎哟，都跟你说了不要吵 kor kor 了。”

"kor kor...." .....

"kor kor...." .....

"kor kor...." .....

--

such is the joy of being innocently a child.

what happens in vegas, stays in vegas.

what happened in singapore, stays in singapore;

and more.

it's aptly forgotten.

here are some of the words used during a pre-ippt briefing held

"ippt parcipitants" - it's meant to be par-ti-ci-pants

"masharrers" - it's meant to be mar-sha-llers

and the best....

"testees" - it's meant to refer to those taking the test.

wth.

--

anyway, onto more interesting news abroad. i understand there has been a recent row about the display of nude children's photos in an art exhibition under the context that it is art. since my younger days studying art history and all that nonsense i was taught that art was meant to be a personal thing in the first place. art is meant to inspire, encourage, give hope, and even, anger, disappoint and even raise controversy. however the latter negative impacts are just to give effect to the former positive ones. they are not meant to remain as a source of anger or controversy. so with this in mind, has the artist crossed the line of censorship and art? years ago, the distinction between high art and low art was blurred with the incoming of movements such as the dada period and surrealism. with this furore is there going to be another blur in motion? or is this just downright immoral. then again, maybe this IS the purpose of the art at hand- to create a whooha.

ah. i love art. it's just so personal. you can never fully understand it, let alone study it in detail. because there is absolutely no way one can ever comprehend fully the significance of the art piece to the artist who conceptualised it. i love art.

i believe musicians and choristers would agree with me on this too. we're just a different breed of people as compared to those who play with their rackets or worse, ball.

OOPS.

people come people go,

but life still needs to go on.

those were definitely memorable times

and i'm sure there will be even more to come.

thank you my dearest friends

for the memories, encouragement and love.

so now here i am

four months away from home

and life needs to go on.

go catch American Pastime, a 2007 film.

a film of the war that america fought in europe and how the japanese-americans fought alongside their native caucasian counterparts even to the point of saving them and how despite all that they've done out of the states, there is still much discrimination back at home. maybe it's something that we as asians can understand. then again, maybe it's something i cannot understand fully considering that i'm chinese, the dominant race in singapore. but i still think it's a relatively good movie because there are so many issues close to the heart- an interracial love relationship, dignity for your race and pride for your country. possibly the first film i watched that made me see clearly how the military affects and changes the lives of societies and families. while there may be too many issues that are being highlighted and how they are not properly well-linked, it's still a relatively should-watch movie. having said that however, those negative points did not cause confusion but rather if they were done well, it would have made this film way better. but as i said, you should watch this movie. it's a personal favourite though.

you'll like it especially if you like jazz

or baseball.

do you dream of becoming rich and famous and your name becoming a household brand? wait, let me change that. do you STILL dream of becoming all of that?

--

just a few hours ago i watched the latest episode of the idol-series equivalent local singing reality show and to my surprise, which i will explain later why, there were two singaporeans in the top 10. now question is why? well, i heard either one of them or both took part in a similar competition back in singapore and guess what, they didn't make the cut. thing is in the mandarin music industry taiwan is a monster and for them to make it this far in this competition deserves way more than a pat on their backs. so, is the singapore music industry moving the right direction? of course we can say that a local show like this should appeal to the local masses but i believe that any producer would understand that ultimately for the winner-singer to make it big, he/she has got to move out of singapore and into the world. i mean the local results of such contests haven't made it anything big. let's not consider the world, they haven't even taken a foothold of the music industry in Singapore. are we moving in the right direction?

--

these reality series- the american idol finals of which i have stopped watching completely because there are way too many "idols" already who hardly make it past their second album, and the other 2 local singing contests here- made me think. you know how as small kids, i mean teenagers, we used to dream of being rich and famous and earning lots of money and spending even more money and living in houses which are insanely huge and then have a million ferraris and to top that up half a million lexus and more bmws and mercedes and having a harem of girls all around you and full access to the casinos all around the world and flying first class everytime even when you travel from singapore to sentosa and having luxury designer items and fur coats and... all this nonsense. i realised that it is so much easier for the lame man on the street to get rich and famous all at the same time. go for competitions like that, even if you don't make the cut, act stupid and have your name all over youtube or some tabloid. people of long ago made it this far just because they had what it took to get them here today. is it right for me to say that competitions like these make a mockery of the ardous starting journeys of yesteryears' singers?

do i still wish to be rich and famous?

i think reality kicked in.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Rom 15:5-6)

i must mention, when doing my quiet time last night i stumbled upon this beautiful verse that immediately upon reading i felt a gentle stir in my heart, and my kids came into my head. gosh i miss those kids. there are so many things going on in my head whenever i think of them. so many memories- good ones, of course; but yet there is much apprehension when it comes to the part when i have to ultimately return back home. whether or not i will be able to handle the change would be another issue. i mean i've changed, or at least i think i have- well slightly i suppose in the sense that the change is inevitable due to the commual living here, and Obviously they've changed too. in fact, if they haven't that would really be a source of worry. but yes, there is so much for us to hope for and soon enough i find myself reading the following verse.

"May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may OVERFLOW WITH HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Rom 15:13)

a beautiful thing the Bible is.

it feels good to be able to live the experience of breaking the rules blatently and still get away with it, easily.

--

as for the trip, there are some things i want to talk about but am unable to. why? if not i would not be able to get away with it then, period.

just when the top echelon of the base are at a meeting, i figured why not use the time to surf the net instead of roaming the streets. so guess what, here i am in starbucks sipping my morning cup of coffee and a lovely cinnamon roll half eaten, i'm surfing the net too. all at a cost of below 300NT. well, the internet cost a hundred BUT it is valid for 24hours irregardless of when you use it ie, you can surf for 5 mins then disconnect and then surf another 5 mins and the total time calculated is 10 minutes. you get the concept right? hm. but liangi said this is the life. is it?

.

or am i not the usual singaporean anymore?

i think i have gone completely insane or at least i think i am going completely insane. having said that it also means that i am already somewhat insane. wait, insane is not the word. deluded possibly? i was reading the taipei times this morning, and just fyi thing, it is thankfully in english- that piece of information is for those of you out there who have been desperately praying for me not to come back from taiwan as some chinese-speaking machine because that *points to the abovementioned fact* just proved i am not and will never be. okay, as i was saying, the taipei times. there was this really interesting article- two to be more exact which caught my eye. one was a local letter to the editor regarding the poor education system here in taiwan, about how low-quality universities should be disbanded and how the universities here have now turned into mediocre degree-churning mills; and the other was a foreign article from some english publication that was about the income disparity of this generation and their preceding one in europe. now, you might be wondering why in the HUGE world would these two articles catch my eye? well, in a nutshell- i'm after all going to be a sociology grad. does that answer the question, i think it just succintly did.

why do i think i'm going insane? do you consider researching now for a sociology masters even before i start university proper insane? a friend once asked me how ambitious i think i am and my answer was i have dreams and aspirations and i suppose i would do all i can to get them all. much like ash ketchum, however you spell that in pokemon. i have no idea why i just added that, but hey this blog's meant to be all about spontaneous thinking and self-filtered language; you get the link don't you? so anyway, am i going insane? i think i just need sleep. seriously, five hours of rest, waking up at 5 just to spend the next hour or so in a vehicle to taipei, walking around aimlessly in taipei afterwards which is also when i read the articles, and then finally enduring the next leg of the journey back to camp for the next hour, is really no big joke. of course it's not. you're not laughing. i am most definitely not. the bed longs for me but i cannot yield to her desire, for if i do, i know i will definitely not survive the next same journey as today tomorrow.

now, you decide if i am going insane or already am.

mm. sov is over and i damned missed it.

i really hate this feeling,

especially after watching sister act 2 and all that choir jazz.

a lot of memories fill the head now

and what the hell, this feeling just sucks.

i want to sing.

i want choir.

and i want it NOW.

yesterday marked the end of yet another frame and also the last of its kind for me till i return back to singapore for good. there was nostalgia and at the same time gratefulness as i walked them into the plane, taking in a whaff of the plane whilst in there- something i haven't done since i returned back to taiwan in january.

nostalgia because this is my last frame with these bunch of people. that is to say, the next time they're here i'll be gone. there ain't going to be another chance of working with them and doing all that kind of nonsense all over again. then again, i might not even meet them ever again. but somehow, just somehow i do wish our paths would cross one day. the fact that singapore is so tiny already do help in this aspect and do wish it would. just a simple hello from across the street or a g'day on the sidewalks of orchard road would definitely jolt back many memories. of course, maybe i would have another entry on that ten years from now when i meet any one of them randomly with their kids and wife walking down the beach. hmm, i look forward to meeting them again.

gratefulness because when i look back, this is the second of such a frame since i arrived and also the last till i return, much have changed. things here in this place has changed- people, systems of work, management, lots of things. but there is one thing that hasn't and that's God's sustanence and daily providence. this experience, though it's not yet over, has already been more than enriching and fulfilling. it's fast becoming a watershed in my life. or should i say, i am living this watershed right now, enjoying it to the fullest at the moment. and seeing that bunch of people leave was kinda sad but as like all the other frames i have sent off at the gates of taoyuan international airport, they never fail to remind me of the first time i sent a frame home. they never fail to remind me the road i have taken so far to get to where i am today. they never failed me. God never failed me.

and it's high time i start to not fail God in my life.

thank you, God.

i havent been going to the gym lately. that must have resulted in some mass gone and obviously some muscles with it too. i need to go back to the gym real soon. i have to.

--

i find myself obliged to blog after realising that i havent done so for the past seven days. question is, is there really a need to blog? what is "blog"? undoubtedly it is a word which modernity has invented to meet our linguistic needs to do what, pen our thoughts? but what do you categorise it in the first place - a noun or a verb? if so, can you blog in a blog? that sounds odd does it, but perfectly alright?

and why do people blog in the first place? why do some choose to place their daily schedules- some mundane, others with a tad more spice in it- up on a public arena for the world to have a chance to only criticise it? then again on the flipside the world could very much adore you and your life, or at least what's been put down in words. other blogging sites allow fellow users, even annonymous ones, to post comments to entries; some are even allowed to rate the entry, to give it a thumbs up or down. now why do people do all that / why do some people take blogging to be a form of emotional release, or, in other times and situations, a form of typing out your thoughts as it passes through your mind? are there no other ways to do these things but only through technology? have we been overtaken? oh, don't be mistaken, i'm a fan of technology and globalisation and all that jazz, but has it come to a stage where we have been obliged to "blog", whatever that even means.

strangely enough, i write (this word is used in an odd fashion now isn't it?) this entry in order to keep my blog alive with some words i find new since seven days of my last entry. strangely enough, this entry is about why people blog when i, a "blogger", can't even find a reason of doing so, not even now.

我就这样告别山下的家

我实在不愿轻易让眼泪流下

我以为我并不差 不会害怕

我就这样自己照顾自己长大

我不想因为现实把头低下

我以为我并不差 能学会虚假

怎样才能够看穿面具里的谎话

别让我的真心散的像沙

如果有一天我变得更复杂

还能不能唱出歌声里的那个家

流浪记- 梁文音 / 纪晓君